About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Uncle Sam says "So long, suckers! I Quit!"

WASHINGTON (The Loose Nukes) – In the greatest White House personnel shakeup in history, Uncle Sam gave notice that he is retiring.

Sam, who has been on the job since 1813, said that he has finally had enough, saying, “I'm tired of being the spokesman for warmongering, racist, oil-hungry scum!”

In an unprecedented and surprise appearance before The White House Press Corps this morning, Sam appeared visibly shaken by recent events. He ranted for ten minutes about what has happened to our country and “what a damn mess Trump has made of it.” 

He also referred to Friday's missile strikes against Syria as "the last straw." The Congress has become a complete joke; they've handed the President a blank check for war and just about anything else he wants. And don't get me started on Bolton!"

I really thought I was doing right by the American people over the past 200-plus years, but I can see clearly now that I have been used time and time again as a pawn for these low-lifes who have insidiously taken over our nation. While we have been sold a bill of goods about outside threats like communism and terrorists, we've been taken over by a bunch of greedy wolves who are getting rich off the sweat of hardworking American taxpayers. And that's just so wrong.”

Sam nearly began to cry when asked about his iconic “I want you” posters that have been responsible for countless young Americans joining the military. After regaining his composure he said, “I sincerely regret luring so many of our young people to fight in U.S. wars of aggression. Retired Marine Corps General Smedley Butler got it right when he said that “War Is A Racket.” And it certainly is a profitable one for the Military-Industrial Complex. Damn, I wish I had listened to Eisenhower back in the day. We could have saved so many young people from needless death and suffering, not to mention the carnage and ill will we've created overseas.

Sam lamented how he wished he had the energy to get out in the streets and protest with the people, but said that, “After a couple centuries you just loose steam.”

When asked where he is going upon his retirement, sam replied, “Where the hell can you go. No place is out of reach of U.S. military power or its nuclear weapons. I'm thinking of taking my savings and buying a time-share in an RV park doomsday shelter. That seems like the best investment these days. I am so glad I bought that Armageddon 2000 travel trailer before they sold out. I will head out on the open road after completing some well-deserved psychotherapy to work on my recently diagnosed PTSD. ”


  1. We're looking forward to future updates, where does he find housing? LOL did he qualify for a pension?

    1. Who needs housing when you've got an Armageddon 2000? http://theloosenukes.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-new-and-improved-armageddon-2000.html Even on Sam's meager savings, he can pull up just about anywhere and panhandle for a few bucks to cover the basics. And who could turn down Uncle Sam?

  2. This is his Armageddon 2000 trailer!


    1. Yes Dave, There is nothing like the Armageddon 2000. Once you've tried one out, you will never go back to your old Airstream or Winnebago! People are already signing up to trade in their old models for the soon to be released Armageddon 2000 Deluxe! Stay tuned!