About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Monday, June 25, 2018

US pulls out of the United Nations; No one notices

UNITED NATIONS, June 25, 2018 (The Loose Nukes) -- UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres regretted the withdrawal of the United States from the United Nations, said his spokesman earlier today.

"The secretary-general would have preferred for the United States to remain in the global body," said Stephane Dujarric, the spokesman, in a note to correspondents. "The United Nations came into being in 1945, following the devastation of the Second World War, with one central mission: the maintenance of international peace and security. The UN also promotes and protects human rights, promotes sustainable development, and upholds international law. The support of the US working for these goals, rather than against them, would be a huge boost for the UN."

The remarks came shortly after U.S. Permanent Representative to the United Nations Nikki Haley announced in Washington that the United States is officially withdrawing from the UN. The message was met by a standing ovation on the floor of the General Assembly, where 192 member states - the US was conspicuously absent - were convened. The session resumed without any more mention of the US.


U.S. President Donald Donald Trump spoke of his decision, saying, “The United Nations has such great potential but right now it is just a club for people to get together, talk and have a good time. So sad! It's a bad deal for the US. We should get our money back."

A White House source, who wished to remain anonymous, said that Trump's decision came immediately following a meeting with his National Security Advisor, John Bolton.

Bolton is known for having said, in a 1994 speech referring to the UN's headquarters, that, "The Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories; if you lost 10 stories today, it wouldn't make a bit of difference," He added later: "There's no such thing as the United Nations."

In Geneva, the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights Zeid Ra'ad Al Hussein responded that the U.S. withdrawal is "not really surprising. The US has been going it alone for quite a while. This decision is the culmination of that decline."

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