About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Literature, art, education, and... nuclear weapons???

FINALLY!!!  One of the world's great leaders and visionary thinkers, Dmitry Medvedev, recently articulated the extraordinary depth of his understanding of the intersection of the arts and nuclear weapons (say what?!?!?!).  His audience?  Young people of course!!!  Surely they can understand the monumental importance of maintaining a vast arsenal of nuclear weapons, even while developing a broad appreciation of the arts.  Here's the story.

Before Dmitry Medvedev’s valedictory speech earlier this month, the outgoing president awarded medals to dozens of Russians, including a theatre director, a policewoman and the chairman of the Russian hockey federation (Go Big Red Machine!!!).

Dmitry Medvedev flexing his
artistic muscles
Then, taking the podium in a glittering Kremlin ballroom, Mr Medvedev declared that Russia’s younger generation needed positive role models to inspire them towards “success in literature, art, education, and” – he paused wistfully – “nuclear weapons”. 

“They may still come in handy,” he said, apropos, seemingly, of nothing. “We’re not going to use them, but let’s still keep them around, because we have a big country, a complex country. We must value it and protect it.”

Then, wishing his audience “safe skies”, he signed off.

It was an odd demonstration of the Kremlin’s even odder relationship to its most prized asset – the one thing that still gives Russia its global superpower status: the ability to blow the planet to kingdom come.

Ah... here's to mushroom cloud skies and caviar dreams...


Editor's Note: The original article that was butchered to create this post can be found at the Financial Times:  http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/2/698334c8-a4d9-11e1-9908-00144feabdc0.html#axzz1w8Zekg3O

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Portable baby bomb shelters for the coming apocalypse

This just in from Russia Today!  It's the biggest (or smallest) thing since personal bomb shelters!!!  (And it's for real!!!)

Nuclear-proof cradles to save VIP babies from apocalypse

Russia Today, May 24th

More than 100 capsule cradles aimed at protecting officials' babies from a nuclear blast and chemical or biological attack have been ordered by Russia’s security service.

The $60,000 portable cradles are specially designed for babies from birth to 1.5 years old. Made of special diffusion material, the capsules block poisonous reagents, biological aerosols and radioactive dust.

The capsules will stay hermetic in temperatures ranging from -30C to 40C with at least 18 per cent oxygen content in the air, Izvestia reported.

The babies inside the capsules could survive for up to six hours. The capsules could also be used for cats, dogs, and birds.

The capsule cradles were invented back in 1960 by Soviet military engineers. Now they are produced at a steel factory in Moscow region.

The unusual order comes soon after Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev’s speech at the International Legal Forum in St. Petersburg. The former president pointed out that rapid military operations may result in radical groups overtaking power, regional wars, and even deployment of nuclear arms.


Editor's Comments:  So what's a baby (or the baby's nuclear nanny) gonna do after SIX hours?!?!?!  Let's go find some radioactive baby formula on the shelves of our local incinerated supermarket.  This is definitely one for the ONE PERCENT!  Anyone interested in setting up a franchise here in the U.S.???

Original article at Russia Today on May 24th: http://www.rt.com/news/prime-time/nuclear-proof-cradles-babies-146/

No Fiats for Iranian nuclear program

This just in from The Boston Globe:

Italian automaker Fiat halts sales to Iran

May 25, 2012   

MILAN—Italian automaker Fiat SpA, which controls Chrysler, said Friday that it and subsidiaries will immediately halt sales to Iran, following similar moves by other carmakers under pressure to cut ties to Tehran over its disputed nuclear program.
The international community has been toughening sanctions on the Islamic Republic -- including on its main cash cow, oil -- because of fears that it plans to build nuclear weapons. Iran says its nuclear program is peaceful.
The auto industry has been under pressure from the anti-nuclear lobby group United Against Nuclear Iran to cut off business dealings with Iran. UANI says that the global auto industry is the second-largest source of foreign currency for the Iranian government, after oil, and also a source of foreign technology.

Some experts have voiced concerns that the Iranian government, desparate to quickly build a successful nuclear device, has been scavenging imported (especially Italian) cars for specialized electronics that could be used in nuclear weapons.

A retired automobile mechanic who specialized in Italian cars said that "with their history of recalls and mechanical problems the Iranian's would be crazy to consider Fiats for anything such as nuclear weapons that depend on reliability.  The only reliable part on these cars is the hood ornament." 

Fiat and heavy-truck maker Fiat Industrial SpA said in separate statements that they "support international efforts for a diplomatic solution" regarding Iran.

One Fiat spokesperson, however, countered the criticism of Fiat. "We have worked hard to build a quality product, and believe that our record of quality-related problems is no different from any other auto company."

A reporter for Al Jazeera, who has spent the last six months in Tehran, said that he has not seen one Fiat on the road in that time. He did, however, document dozens of Fiats in what looked like a wrecking yard adjacent to the Natanz nuclear facility during a visit there in April 2012.

The wrecking yard adjacent to the Natanz nuclear facility (Photo: Al Jazeera)
As to the concern over the possible dual use of automotive parts for nuclear weapons, a Fiat company representative, who asked to remain anonymous, said that the company could neither confirm nor deny such an allegation.


Monday, May 21, 2012

$26.5 MILLION Spent: ZERO Recruits Joined

Charlotte, NC, May 19, 2012:  NASCAR racing champion Dale Earnhardt Jr. announced plans to drive solo from Kabul, Afghanistan to Islamabad, Pakistan in an effort to bolster pentagon recruiting efforts.

Earnhardt announced his bold plan immediately following his 5th place finish at the Sprint All-Star Race at Charlotte Motor Speedway on May 19th.

Just the day before Earnhardt's announcement Congresswoman Betty McCollum (D-MN) expressed her outrage and disbelief at the level of waste in the National Guard’s recruitment budget.

In 2012, the National Guard is spending $26.5 million to sponsor Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s #88 car in NASCAR races for the purposes of recruitment. Over the past five years Earnhardt’s racing team has received over $136 million in taxpayer funds from the National Guard – making him the highest paid military contractor in professional sports.

In response a spokesperson for Earnhardt said that the National Guard is just "one of our many partners that include Hellman's, GoDaddy.com and Whiskey River Beer & Wings."  The spokesperson stressed that it was the National Guard that approached Earnhardt regarding sponsorship.

A May 18th online USA Today story by Dustin Long cited the National Guard’s contracts manager for recruitment, Maj. Brian Creech, explaining the effectiveness of this taxpayer investment in military recruiting.

“In fiscal year 2012, the National Guard has been contacted by more than 24,800 individuals interested in joining because of the race sponsorship. Of those, Creech said 20 were qualified candidates and that none joined,” according to the USA Today story.

That’s right, ZERO RECRUITS JOINED. The National Guard spent $26.5 million for ZERO recruits.

“The Pentagon’s NASCAR sponsorship program is an outrageous waste of taxpayer money and Defense Secretary Leon Panetta should terminate these sponsorship programs immediately. Spending $26 million on a NASCAR racing team – in the name of national security – for zero recruits tells me the Pentagon can painlessly absorb some serious budget cuts,” McCollum said.

“This Pentagon failure is particularly outrageous in light of the fact that last week House Republicans voted to kick 200,000 low-income kids out of the school lunch program and eliminate funding for “Meals on Wheels” for home-bound seniors in order to add $55 billion to the defense budget.”

Earnhardt responded that he felt badly about the lack of success in the recruiting effort tied to the Pentagon's sponsorship of car #88. "I want to make this right," said Earnhardt of his plan to drive solo along some of the most dangerous roads in the world. "Through this effort I can demonstrate my support for the war effort and hopefully generate some qualified recruits for the National Guard."

On May 17th, an amendment to stop funding Pentagon sponsorship of NASCAR and other professional sports was offered by Rep. McCollum and Rep. Jack Kingston (R-GA) to fiscal year 2013 Defense appropriations bill. The amendment passed on a voice vote and will now go to the House floor as part of the $608 billion defense spending bill.

Earnhardt hopes his Kandahar to Islamabad solo marathon journey will show a return on the taxpayers' $136 million 5-year investment, and cement the partnership between NASCAR and the National Guard. 

Earnhardt plans to drive a specially outfitted Humvee that in addition to the standard military paint job, will sport the number "88".  Earnhardt will drive from Kabul to Kandahar, and then from Kandahar to Islamabad, a total distance of approximately 850 kilometers.  Earnhardt does not expect any difficulties entering Pakistan.

Earnhardt's pit crew will follow in a specially outfitted Stryker Vehicle. Before leaving for Afghanistan the entire crew will undergo weeks of training by National Guard troops in small arms handling, detection of roadside bombs and how to handle wayward livestock and hitchhikers.

Earnhardt will be shadowed during the entire drive by close air support supplied by the National Guard.  The dates of Earnhart's marathon drive have not been released for security reasons.


(Sources for real information used in the post: McCollum: National Guard’s $26 million Sponsoring NASCAR’s Dale Earnhardt Jr. Results in ZERO Recruits, May 18, 2012, http://mccollum.house.gov/press-release/mccollum-national-guard’s-26-million-sponsoring-nascar’s-dale-earnhardt-jr-results; Dale Earnhardt Jr. Website: http://www.dalejr.com/default.aspx)

Friday, May 18, 2012

Home brewers targeted by police in NATO Summit sweep

Home Brewers Beware!!!  This just in from Chicago, which is hosting the NATO Summit:

Chicago police have reportedly engaged in a preemptive raid against activists that planned to protest the NATO summit. The raid is believed to have taken place late last night in the Bridgeport neighborhood of Chicago.

The National Lawyers Guild reports:
…Police broke down a door to access a 6-unit apartment building near 32nd & Morgan Streets without a search warrant. Police entered an apartment with guns drawn and tackled one of the tenants to the floor in his kitchen. Two tenants were handcuffed for more than 2 hours in their living room while police searched their apartment and a neighboring unit, repeatedly calling one of the tenants a “Commie faggot.” A search warrant produced 4 hours after police broke into the apartment was missing a judge’s signature, according to witnesses. Among items seized by police in the Bridgeport raid were beer-making supplies and at least one cell phone…
A short time later passersby observed police officers in the back of an open police van laughing and telling jokes while drinking what appeared to be a pale ale.  When officers realized they were being watched they immediately closed the van doors and sped off.

A Chicago Police Department spokesperson declined comment except to say that a search warrant was not required in this situation since the aroma of fermenting hops and roasted barley was clearly emanating from the building in question. 

Some of the equipment siezed by Chicago Police in the pre-emptive raid
(looks deceptively like Weapons of Mass Inebriation).

A police department drone outfitted with a special "sniffer" device was evidently responsible for locating the apartment with the beer making apparatus.  A resident of the neighborhood where the raid occurred reported seeing a "strange looking, small aircraft" flying erratically, and saw it crash into a nearby building.  It was recovered by police, and investigators are looking into the cause of the crash.


(Original Source article: Police Preemptively Raid Apartment & Arrest Activists Ahead of NATO Summit, By: Kevin Gosztola Thursday May 17, 2012 6:31 pm, http://dissenter.firedoglake.com/2012/05/17/police-preemptively-raid-apartment-arrest-activists-ahead-of-nato-summit/)

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Containing China: Oh, Sure!

Is there a psychiatrist in the house???  Yes, the Pentagon needs some serious psychoanalysis about this missile defense stuff.  I mean really!!!  Do we really think we can put the military heat on China.  Did we learn ANYTHING from the COLD WAR???  Evidently not!!!

Bruce Gagnon, Coordinator of the Global Network Against Weapons and Nuclear Power in Space, just wrapped up his West Coast tour.  Here's a graphic reminder of one of Bruce's major, central points about the current U.S. focus on Asia and the drive to encircle China (and in a CHINESE newspaper no less!!!). 

This cartoon was published in China Daily USA, the Friday - Sunday, March 30 - April 1, 2012 edition: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2012-03/30/content_14948023.htm