About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Trident Makes Bad People Go Away!

The following graphic was issued this week by the United States Navy, Commander, Submarine Forces in an effort to help members of Congress better understand the rationale for building a new fleet of ballistic missile submarines to replace the current Trident fleet.

The Trident II D-5 missiles deployed on the nation's 14 OHIO Class submarines carry multiple thermonuclear warheads, each one many times the destructive force of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  Rear Adm. Joesph Tofalo has said that, “A single Trident submarine is the sixth largest nuclear nation in the world all by itself."

Carrying enough nuclear warheads to incinerate an entire continent, Trident is certainly an important tool in our nation's military tool box, and it most certainly can make lots of people "go away" in a flash.

The successor to the OHIO Class submarine fleet is known as the SSBN(X), and is currently in research and development.  A fleet of 12 new submarines will cost approximately $100 billion to build.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Vladimir Putin speaks out for arctic drilling

Editor's Note: As we believe everyone has the right to be heard, we share this letter from Glorious Supreme (and very muscular) Leader of Russian Federation, Vladimir Putin.  Go Vladimir!!!


Dear World People:

Last week, esteemed colleague President Obama sent you email asking you to seed Yes Men group with cash.

Russia wishes to hereby erect our opposition. Like the Netherlands, Russia is well-endowed member of international oil community. But Yes Men hooligans make fun of Russia/Dutch coupling with stupid bear puppet in Amsterdam. That is gay to not only Russia, but to whole Netherlands people too.

Russia is like real and extremely large and strong bear: Moscow at head, paws on Middle East, wild Arctic at rear. Dutch come to help Russia thrust deep and hard to tame rear for all Man's benefit. Yes Men try to stop us, but limp fake bearhood is no match for firm real manhood of Russia and Netherlands ganging together.

Do not support Yes Men. If you do, we treat each of your country's Sochi Olympics visitors just like we do with Greenpeace boat hooligans: we knock them up in jail.

In some heat already,

Vladimir Vladmirovich Putin


Yes, those revolting YES Men have done it again (They penned this brilliant letter from Vlad). Vladimir could NOT have written a better letter expressing the hubris and downright stupidity of Russia AND so many other nations currently wreaking havoc on the very planet that could, should we choose to change our destructive ways, sustain all of humanity quite nicely.

With great thanks to Greenpeace, and all others, who engage in direct, nonviolent resistance to the forces of destruction at play here.  Click here to read an article by Greenpeace Executive Director Kumi Naidoo - Gazprom's Over-Reaction to Arctic Oil Protest is a Sign Their Fortune is at Stake:  Action on climate change would wipe billions off oil company balance sheets and they are determined to silence their critics.

Once again it is the age-old story of profits (and power) over people.  Time for a change.  Click here to learn more at the Greenpeace Blog.

Power to the people rather than power over the people!!!


The Loose Nukes

Monday, December 9, 2013

Republicans know the true meaning of Christmas... Humbug

Ho, Ho, Ho... With THANKS to Tom Tomorrow for showing us who really understands the true meaning of Christmas.  "God bless us, every one!"  Oh, and by the way; due to his family's inability to obtain government assistance, including food stamps, unemployment benefits, and health insurance, Timothy Cratchit (aka: "Tiny Tim") will have to forego treatment for his illness (most likely renal tubular acidosis or rickets - both treatable) and will likely die.  Ah, it's looking very much like a Dickens world thanks to the Scrooges of DC.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

It's Christmas At Ground Zero

It's that wonderful time of year again - people everywhere are stringing lights, lighting menorahs, decorating Christmas trees, and buying lots and lots of stuff (thanks to some pretty slick advertising).  Ain't it grand???

As I decorate the bomb shelter I find myself thinking about the true meaning of this holiday season.  It helps me to listen to my special collection of holiday music.  My favorite collection is (no, it's not Burl Ives' Christmas Album) Dr. Demento's "Greatest Christmas Novelty CD Of All Time."

Dr. Demento has put together the greatest sons of the season - including I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus.

But my all-time favorite song of the nuclear Holiday season is Christmas At Ground Zero, written and performed by one of the great composers of our (nuclear) age, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

It's a song that conjures up images of glowing reindeer and walks in radioactive snow. This music video version, to the best of my very limited understanding, is the totally official Yankovic-produced version of this great song that is destined to become your family's favorite Holiday tune.

Move over Winter Wonderland - "it's time to duck and cover with your yuletide lover underneath the mistletoe..."