About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Why your health insurance premiums are really rising!!!

The  following is an official announcement from the Health Insurers of America, finally answering once and for all the question I have been asking for years - Why are my damn health insurance premiums rising?  Of course, it doesn't answer the question of why they've risen astronomically (apparently based on the Mayan calendar) every year ad nauseum.  At least I can finally rest assured that it is not the fault of greedy health insurers trying to squeeze every last dollar out of consumers.

You can also watch this announcement on the official Website of the Health Insurers of America.


Keeping our customers informed and aware of changes in premiums has always been a goal of, the Health Insurers of America.

In response to a volatile and uncertain market preceding Health Care Reform legislation, your health insurance premiums can be expected to rise.

In response to the volatile and uncertain market following the passage of the Affordable Care Act, your health insurance premiums can be expected to rise.

The launch of a disastrous HealthCare.gov website has introduced uncertainty into a volatile health insurance marketplace, and your premiums can be expected to rise.

Due to the attempted Obamacare "fix," the insurance marketplace will see volatility and uncertainty and your premiums can be expected to rise.

Following daily atmospheric darkening after Obamacare's rollout, the health insurance marketplace will be volatile and uncertain, and your premiums can be expected to rise.

With morning sun rising under Obamacare, uncertainty and volatility will remain in the health insurance marketplace and your premiums can be expected to rise.

It's all his fault... isn't it?????????????
In response to seasonal hair growth on caterpillars after HealthCare.gov launched, the health insurance marketplace will be volatile and uncertain, and your premiums can be expected to rise.

As a result of gravitational forces beyond our control, with Obamacare, the insurance marketplace will be volatile and uncertain and your premiums can be expected to rise.

Following the rise of carbon-based life forms, your premiums can be expected to rise.

Click here to see the video.


With thanks to Mark Fiore for clearing the stagnant air on this subject.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

NSA Eavesdropping on GOD!!!

The National Security Agency is denying a report that it eavesdropped on the Pope, in addition to telephone prayer lines of a number of other religious denominations.
Before the Italian magazine, Panorama, published the report, it issued a press release that read "NSA had tapped the pope,"according to Reuters. The eavesdropping was on calls from inside and outside the Vatican and reportedly spanned a few weeks from December 10, 2012 to January 8, 2013. Additional calls to prayer lines of various denominations were also reportedly tapped.
"The National Security Agency does not target the Vatican or God."
- NSA spokeswoman
The calls were reportedly categorized in five groups: leadership intentions, threats to the financial system, foreign policy objectives, human rights and conversations with God. The magazine did not cite any sources in its report.
In addition to the eavesdropping on the Vatican, the NSA is alleged to have tapped the phone lines of various prayer lines to obtain information on people's conversations with God.

One of the largest prayer line operations is the 700 Club Prayer Centers, which receives over four million calls each year and provides a direct connection to God.  700 Club's Pat Robertson was disturbed by the spying revelations, and voiced his concern that the government is "disturbing the separation of church and state."
Pat Robertson
An NSA spokeswoman, denied the report, including the allegations of spying on God.
"The National Security Agency does not target the Vatican or God", she said in an email to The Los Angeles Times. "Assertions that NSA has targeted the Vatican, published in Italy's Panorama magazine, are not true."
The NSA’s post-Sept. 11 surveillance programs are coming under increased criticism at home and abroad, capped by recent revelations that the NSA monitored German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cellphone and those of up to 34 other world leaders. Those reports relied on documents provided by former NSA analyst Edward Snowden.

Documents released by Snowden have not yet produced any revelations of the NSA's spying on God, but according to some sources there are many yet to be released.
Congressional leaders who have been staunch supporters of the NSA programs are now saying it is time for a close examination. Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, said, "We live in a Christian nation.  God has Constitutional rights too you know. Enough is enough with this out of control wiretapping."

Sarah Palin, who has been crisscrossing the country touting her new book about the "war on Christmas", said that she was shocked, but not surprised, about the NSA's spying on God.  "Next thing you know they'll be spying on Santa Claus.  We need to put good old Christian values like prayer and Christmas trees back into our government," said Palin.

The White House said Tuesday that President Barack Obama had ordered a full review of the programs and was considering changes.
National Intelligence Director James Clapper defended the secret surveillance that sweeps up phone records and emails of millions of Americans as vital to protecting against terrorists. Clapper had no comment on God.

God had no comment on Clapper, or the wiretapping issue.


Editor's Note:  OK, so some of this is true and some is not.  What difference does it make???

Monday, November 4, 2013

National Security or National Stupidity???

Whaddya mean, lost my sense of humor???
I just want these crooks to give
my damn country back!!!
Here's the latest from the National Security State continues to run amok department!!! It's a story of people (and agencies of the Federal Government) that have totally lost their sense of humor (assuming they ever had one), and therefore have to make everyone else's life as miserable as theirs.  I think it's safe to say that the Republic is in extreme danger when Uncle Sam loses his sense of humor.  Humorists beware; the re-education camps beckon!!!  This is one slippery slope - today some small-time t-shirt shop; tomorrow The Onion!!!

But really folks... the American Empire has been in decline since the end of World War II, and yet continues to hold on even as its share of the world continues to dwindle.  And so we see the desperate measures being taken at all levels to maintain the illusion of power.  Yes, the following story is very real... from Edward Snowden to parody of NSA and Homeland Stupidity Security - CITIZENS BEWARE!!! Big Brother is watching EVERYTHING and then some.  Ain't it grand???

And don't forget that the holiday shopping season is just around the corner.  Get a head start and order Disappearing Civil Liberties Mugs for everyone on your list this year.  It's one-stop shopping that will remind everyone of those precious freedoms that are being flushed down the drain with your hard-earned tax dollars.  So here's the news:

U.S. Bullies Man over “Department of Homeland Stupidity” Mugs

Published in the Corruption Chronicles, the Judicial Watch Blog

October 31, 2013

The feds have threatened to criminally prosecute a novelty store owner who sells products—such as “Department of Homeland Stupidity” coffee mugs—making fun of the U.S. government. Could this be a matter of national security, or that Uncle Sam simply lacks a sense of humor?

To poke fun at the National Security Administration (NSA) the merchant, Dan McCall, sells T-shirts with the agency’s official seal that read: “The NSA: The only part of government that actually listens.” Other parodies say “spying on you since 1952” and “peeping while you’re sleeping.” The designs may seem funny—and possibly represent reality—but to the government it’s no laughing matter. In fact, it’s a serious issue worthy of an investigation and legal action.

The NSA and the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) quickly fired off “cease and desist” letters to the website that sold the products, threatening litigation and criminal prosecution if the parody designs weren’t immediately removed. The agencies claim the parody images violate laws against the misuse, mutilation, alteration or impersonation of government seals. The intimidating communication scared the website enough to remove the items, but McCall isn’t going down without a fight.

In a federal complaint filed this week he claims the government is violating his First Amendment right because the special statutes protecting the NSA and DHS seals from misuse can’t properly be applied to forbid parodies. McCall says his images make fair use of the NSA and DHS seals to “identify federal government agencies as the subject of criticism.” Therefore it’s unconstitutional for the government to forbid him from displaying and selling his parodies to “customers who want to display the items to express their own criticism of NSA and DHS,” according to his complaint.

Furthermore, McCall is not mutilating or altering the agency seals, but rather using them in a parodic form that doesn’t create any likelihood of confusion about the source or sponsorship of the material. No reasonable viewer is likely to believe that any of the materials is affiliated with or sponsored by the DHS or the NSA, the complaint says. “Nor were the seals affixed to the items to be sold with any fraudulent intent.”

In short, the merchant claims that the First Amendment protects his use of the NSA and DHS seals to identify truthfully the agencies that he is criticizing. The two agencies at the center of this brouhaha most certainly have bigger fish to fry. So does the Department of Justice (DOJ), the agency that has threatened to prosecute the mug and T-shirt creator.