About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Nukes Ready to Launch Despite Government Shutdown

Hard working (at least those who still have jobs) Americans want to know that their nation's nuclear forces are unaffected by the partial government shutdown.  They need to feel the security that comes with knowing that the thermonuclear-armed missiles ready to launch at those pesky North Koreans (or perhaps Iranians or some other country we haven't yet turned into a pariah state) are being maintained, protected and kept in a state of readiness for that magical moment of nuclear holocaust.

Well, have no fear (or perhaps you should): "Strategic nuclear missiles, submarines, and bombers remain ready despite the U.S. government shutdown and the furloughing of some nuclear force workers, according to the U.S. Strategic Command." That's the official word from an article in The Washington Free Beacon. Here's more from that article.

The federal shutdown caused some civilian nuclear force employees to go on emergency furlough, but operational military forces are unaffected by government closures, a Command spokeswoman said. [Phew!!!]  

“I can say with full confidence that the U.S. nuclear force remains safe, secure, and effective and, at this point, we are not standing down any operational assets,” Navy Capt. Pamela Kunze, director of Stratcom public affairs said. [Hmmm... At what "point" might they stand down some operational assets???]
(scene from the film Dr. Strangelove)
The Omaha-based Strategic Command is in charge of all nuclear deterrence and war fighting forces, including 450 Minuteman III land-based intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs); 14 strategic nuclear missile submarines, each armed with 24 Trident missiles; and 20 B-2 and 78 B-52 nuclear bombers. [Wow, that's a whole lotta "deterrence"!!!]

Most of the ICBMs are on high-alert status that allows them to be launched almost immediately on warning of an imminent nuclear attack on the United States, or after an attack. [Let's hope it's not a false warning!!!]

The missiles are under tight controls and security and require two people to fire them after orders from the national command authority. [Isn't that a relief?!?!?!]

After a 2007 incident when active nuclear missiles were carried by mistake on bombers from Minot, N.D., to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana, security and handling procedures were improved, according to a Congressional Research Service (CRS) report published in June. [You have to wonder why NO ONE followed the procedures already in place (and why they needed to be "improved")!!!]

Government studies after the mishap found that nuclear forces “had been allowed to atrophy, with evident declines in morale, cohesion, and capability,” the CRS report said. [That certainly instills confidence!!!]  
(more from Dr. Strangelove)

As recently as May, press reports revealed “new concerns about the capabilities and morale of ICBM launch officers,” the report said, noting that the Air Force removed 17 launch officers from duty and sent them for new training. [And now the second in command at STRATCOM gets busted for using counterfeit poker chips at the local casino!!!]

Naval strategic nuclear forces also are systems that can fire nuclear missiles rapidly and normally eight to 10 missile submarines remain on regular patrols in both the Atlantic and Pacific. [Let's hope they don't fire them too "rapidly"!!!]

U.S. strategic bombers also are ready for fast deployment. Two B-52s conducted simulated nuclear strikes near North Korea during exercises in March in response to heightened threats and rhetoric by the communist regime in Pyongyang. [Speaking of poker, we'll see you Kim Jong-un and raise the ante!!!]

According to Stratcom commander Gen. C. Robert Kehler, 60 percent of Stratcom’s force is made up of civilians. [So, all those civilian jobs are non-essential???]

Details on the impact of the shutdown on strategic nuclear force personnel were not immediately available. [As if "details" will ever be available.]

(Read the rest of the article at http://freebeacon.com/nukes-deemed-essential/)

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