Hawaiian sovereignty activists' message intercepted

A next-generation U.S. Standard Missile 3 interceptor on Tuesday successfully intercepted an intercontinental ballistic missile over the Pacific Ocean , the Missile Defense Agency announced on Wednesday.

The SM-3 Block 1B was fired from the USS Lake Erie after the ship's AN/SPY-1 radar identified and monitored a "separating ballistic missile target," which was launched from the the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the Defense Department agency said in a press release.

The guided missile cruiser maintained watch on the target and transmitted flight path directions to the SM-3 Block 1B. The interceptor positioned itself as directed by the ship and fired a hit-to-kill warhead at the missile. The kinetic warhead through the force of impact eliminated the threat.

It was quickly determined that the ICBM had been fired from an abandoned sugar plantation by members of the Hawaiian sovereignty movement, also known as ke ea Hawai‘i.  A preliminary investigation indicated that members of the group, which includes a number of retired aerospace engineers, had worked in secret over much of the past decade at the old Kekaha Sugar Company mill building the missile and launch apparatus.

The Kekaha Sugar Company mill, from where the  harmless ICBM was launched. 

A spokesperson for ke ea Hawai'i said that "We have never seen even a hint of redress from the United States for the 1893 overthrow of Queen Liliʻuokalani, and for the prolonged military occupation that began with the 1898 annexation. As far as we're concerned, both the overthrow and annexation were, and continue to be, illegal."

Immediately after destroying the missile, the Erie steamed to the site where it found thousands of pieces of paper floating on the surface.  They all had the same message printed on them.  The message in Hawaiian, said " Honi ko'u 'elemu haoles!"  The message was sent to the National Virtual Translation Center, which was unable to translate the message.  A native Hawaiian sailor was finally located on board the Erie.  Barely keeping a straight face he translated the words as "Kiss my tushy outsider."

The following day the Director of National Intelligence issued a new directive that is intended to improve foreign language skills throughout the U.S. intelligence community.

Further investigation determined that missile designers had programmed the missile to self destruct over a major city on the West coast of the U.S. mainland, dispersing the harmless paper messages in a wide arc over the city.

Red-faced officials at the Pentagon were not amused, and would make no official comment.  A Pentagon staffer, who asked not to be named, said that there is no plan for a retaliatory strike since Kauai is part of the United States.

Observers from all around Kauai have reported constant drone overflights since the June 27th missile launch and interception, particularly in the area surrounding the Kekaha Sugar Company mill.  Thousands took to the streets in protest of the drone flights, with a major protest rally at Honolulu's Iolani Palace.

Thousands of Hawaiian sovereignty supporters chanting
"Honi ko'u 'elemu  haoles" outside the Iolani Palace on June 28th

The Missile Defense Agency said that it's system is ultimately to be deployed as part of a developing U.S.-NATO missile shield in Europe. "Today’s intercept is a critical accomplishment for the second phase of the president’s Phased Adaptive Approach consisting of the SM-3 Block 1B interceptor that will be employed in an Aegis Ashore system in Romania in 2015."

Of 28 intercept trials to date of the Aegis Ballistic Missile Defense technology, 23 have been successful. The Aegis antimissile program is intended to eliminate short-, medium-, and intermediate-range ballistic missiles. The program is operated jointly by the U.S. Navy and the Missile Defense Agency.

When asked what the Pentagon is doing to protect against long range ballistic missiles, a department spokesperson said, "We'll have to get back to you on that."

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Editor's Notes:

• Thanks to Global Security Newswire for the post used to craft this fake article: http://www.nti.rsvp1.com/gsn/article/next-generation-us-interceptor-eliminates-target-second-successful-test/?mgh=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nti.org&mgf=1
• The Global Network Against Nuclear and Nuclear Power in Space and Bruce Gagnon's associated Blog, Organizing Notes, are excellent sources for information and opinion on missile defense (and many other aspects of U.S. militarism).

B-2 Bombers need The Midas Touch

WASHINGTON -- The U.S. Air Force has ordered dozens of spare tailpipe components for its stealthy B-2 bomber fleet following the discovery of corroded engine exhaust systems, according to service officials.

“The B-2 is approaching 25 years of service life and the tailpipes are beginning to show signs of wear,” said Michele Tasista, a spokeswoman for the Air Force Global Strike Command, based at Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana.  Tasista quipped that the (original) exhaust system on her 1970 Toyota Corolla (with 300,000 miles) has outperformed the system on the Northrop Grumman-built B-2 "by a country mile." 

"The B-2 tailpipe assembly is failing at a faster-than-expected rate and … that may be the most challenging aspect of keeping [the aircraft] in the inventory,” said a former bomber program official (and employee of Northrop Grumman) who asked not to be named in discussing the sensitive subject. “[We’ve been] afraid that the tailpipe assembly would force you to retire the B-2 earlier -- or you’d get a bill to be paid that would be potentially unacceptable.”  

Air Force officials say they have found an affordable fix: A combination of new spare parts, preventive techniques and repair procedures.

The service has ordered 56 tailpipe spares from Northrop Grumman in an "affordable" $76.6 million (roughly $1.4 million per tailpipe) fixed-price contract awarded last year, using fiscal 2011 funds, according to Sue Murphy -- a spokeswoman for Air Force Materiel Command in Dayton, Ohio -- and other program officials.

The new parts will be available to replace “aged metallic components that are showing typical ‘wear and tear’ as a result of operating in a hot environment,” as the pipes convey engine exhaust to the outside air, according to Gary Roehrig, who directs B-2 product support for defense contractor Northrop Grumman. Each bomber has four tailpipes, one for each engine.

Rusting exhaust systems at Whitemen Air Force Base

These particular components are not repairable and are being replaced to keep the low-observable aircraft functioning, Roehrig said in a written response to questions.  He said his company will provide first delivery of the new spares in two years.  The procurement is to be completed by 2019, the Northrop Grumman official said.

Midas, better known for its famous"Customer First"commitment, attempted to bid on the B-2 tailpipe replacement assemblies, but according to a company spokesperson was thwarted every step of the way.  "They just kept saying we didn't understand how the bidding process works."

Midas called Northrop Grumman "just another opportunistic bottom feeder.  $1.4 million a pop for a tailpipe?  Who's fleecing whom here?  Exhaust systems aren't exactly rocket science.  I bet they used some cheap materials to maximize their greedy bottom line."

We've been building high performance exhaust systems for over 50 years.  We could have delivered those tailpipes for just $99.99 each, completed delivery (and installation) in a matter of weeks, and would have included our famous Lifetime Guarantee*."

When asked why Midas was not considered, and the fix-priced contract instead awarded to Northrop Grumman with absolutely no competition, Tasista replied that "We do not comment on sensitive procurement issues such as this one.  That being said, our partnership with Northrop Grumman and its suppliers will ensure the B-2 remains one of the most survivable weapons systems in the world."

The B-2 was first fielded in 1994 and can carry both nuclear and conventional munitions.  A B-2 pilot who asked not to be named for fear of losing the opportunity for a job at Northrop Grumman after retiring from the Air Force said that he wouldn't trust Northrop Grumman to replace the tailpipe on his aging Volkswagen Rabbit. "They'd charge me an arm and a leg, and I would have no guarantee it would last more than maybe a thousand miles, and that's if I was lucky."

Service and company officials distinguished the internal B-2 tailpipe cracks caused by “wear and tear” over time from allegedly unrelated design-related fissures that have plagued a separate, external component of the aircraft, the “aft deck,” for several years.

Northrop Grumman last year won another gargantuan $109 million contract to manufacture a redesigned aft deck, the company announced in November.  According to a company spokesperson, "the newly redesigned structure reflects Northrop Grumman's thorough thermal and structural analysis of the aft deck its adjoining structures and the operating environment [that should have been conducted in the first place]."

"Implementing a redesigned aft deck is an important part of guaranteeing the long-term viability of the B-2," said Dave Mazur, Northrop Grumman's vice president of Long Range Strike and B-2 program manager. "We are committed to assisting the Air Force in developing and implementing proactive solutions that are in the best interest of Northrop Grumman's bottom line the B-2 fleet."

* Lifetime Guarantee valid for as long as you own your car aircraft

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Editor's Note: Thanks to Global Security Newswire for the article that was butchered to create this piece: http://www.nti.rsvp1.com/gsn/article/b-2-bomber-tailpipe-cracks-compel-new-spare-parts-production/?mgh=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nti.org&mgf=1, and this Northrop Grumman news release: http://investor.northropgrumman.com/phoenix.zhtml?c=112386&p=RssLanding&cat=news&id=1628402

National Do Not Kill Registry launched

News Release

June 21, 2012  - For Immediate Release

Contact:   Emma Haltsworth, Director of Public Relations
                  National Agency for Ethical Drone-Human Interactions
                  donotkillregistry@gmail.com

Washington, DC - The National Agency for Ethical Drone-Human Interactions (NEDHI) announced the formation of a Do Not Kill Registry, its first public program.

The National Agency for Ethical Drone-Human Interactions (N.E.D.H.I.) was founded in September of 2001 to monitor and regulate the use of drones both domestically and internationally.

While the use of drones is intentionally not bound by international treaties or constitutional limits, NEDHI simultaneously understand the urgent need to develop and enforce new ethical frameworks as drone use becomes more commonplace as a tool of U.S. foreign policy.

Through an active collaboration between N.E.D.H.I., the brave pilots and operators of the U.S. drone program, and the American public, NEDHI believes that it can find the political and moral solutions needed to both protect the security of the United States while also satisfying the concerns of the broader global community.

The Do Not Kill Registry, the agency's first public program, forges an innovative path towards new solutions that will help give people around the world the peace of mind urgently needed during these times of escalating drone conflict.

While what the future holds for the U.S. drone program remains uncertain, U.S. citizens can rest safely knowing that NEDHI will continue to diligently review and monitor the national drone kill list in order to ensure proper cautionary measures are taken while also continuing to take advantage of the military effectiveness of targeted drone strikes on militants around the world.

NEDHI Director of Public Relations Emma Haltsworth
on a recent field visit to Afghanistan. 

United States citizens can apply to add their names to the Do Not Kill Registry, thereby avoiding accidental casualties in NEDHI's mission to make the world a safe place for Democracy and Free Enterprise.

When asked by a reporter at today's news conference whether the Do Not Kill Registry would have some of the nagging problems of the National Do Not Call Registry, Haltsworth retorted, "This is about alot more than robo calls.  We're pushing for nothing less than 100 percent here."

Another reporter asked whether some people might mistakenly sign up on the National Do Not Call Registry thinking they are signing up for the Do Not Kill Registry Haltsworth paused for a moment and said, "We'll have to get back to you on that one."

You can read more about the agency and NEDHI's mission by clicking here.

For further information on the drone program and new Do Not Kill Registry citizens can contact NEDHI directly by e-mailing donotkillregistry@gmail.com.

DISCLAIMER: Adding your name to the 'Do Not Kill' Registry does not guarantee that you will not be the target of a drone strike but only that an additional review process will be undertaken before you are labeled an enemy militant and added to the national kill list.

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Note:  Thanks to the creative genius of the people at Occupy Wall Street for creating this wonderful parody on yet another dark chapter in the latter days of a dying empire.  This "news release" was fashioned out of the following URLs created by Occupy Wall Street: http://occupywallst.org/article/add-yourself-national-do-not-kill/ and http://www.donotkill.net/about.php.