About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Friday, June 22, 2012

National Do Not Kill Registry launched

News Release

June 21, 2012  - For Immediate Release

Contact:   Emma Haltsworth, Director of Public Relations
                  National Agency for Ethical Drone-Human Interactions

Washington, DC - The National Agency for Ethical Drone-Human Interactions (NEDHI) announced the formation of a Do Not Kill Registry, its first public program.

The National Agency for Ethical Drone-Human Interactions (N.E.D.H.I.) was founded in September of 2001 to monitor and regulate the use of drones both domestically and internationally.

While the use of drones is intentionally not bound by international treaties or constitutional limits, NEDHI simultaneously understand the urgent need to develop and enforce new ethical frameworks as drone use becomes more commonplace as a tool of U.S. foreign policy.

Through an active collaboration between N.E.D.H.I., the brave pilots and operators of the U.S. drone program, and the American public, NEDHI believes that it can find the political and moral solutions needed to both protect the security of the United States while also satisfying the concerns of the broader global community.

The Do Not Kill Registry, the agency's first public program, forges an innovative path towards new solutions that will help give people around the world the peace of mind urgently needed during these times of escalating drone conflict.

While what the future holds for the U.S. drone program remains uncertain, U.S. citizens can rest safely knowing that NEDHI will continue to diligently review and monitor the national drone kill list in order to ensure proper cautionary measures are taken while also continuing to take advantage of the military effectiveness of targeted drone strikes on militants around the world.

NEDHI Director of Public Relations Emma Haltsworth
on a recent field visit to Afghanistan. 
United States citizens can apply to add their names to the Do Not Kill Registry, thereby avoiding accidental casualties in NEDHI's mission to make the world a safe place for Democracy and Free Enterprise.

When asked by a reporter at today's news conference whether the Do Not Kill Registry would have some of the nagging problems of the National Do Not Call Registry, Haltsworth retorted, "This is about alot more than robo calls.  We're pushing for nothing less than 100 percent here."

Another reporter asked whether some people might mistakenly sign up on the National Do Not Call Registry thinking they are signing up for the Do Not Kill Registry Haltsworth paused for a moment and said, "We'll have to get back to you on that one."

You can read more about the agency and NEDHI's mission by clicking here.

For further information on the drone program and new Do Not Kill Registry citizens can contact NEDHI directly by e-mailing donotkillregistry@gmail.com.

DISCLAIMER: Adding your name to the 'Do Not Kill' Registry does not guarantee that you will not be the target of a drone strike but only that an additional review process will be undertaken before you are labeled an enemy militant and added to the national kill list.


Note:  Thanks to the creative genius of the people at Occupy Wall Street for creating this wonderful parody on yet another dark chapter in the latter days of a dying empire.  This "news release" was fashioned out of the following URLs created by Occupy Wall Street: http://occupywallst.org/article/add-yourself-national-do-not-kill/ and http://www.donotkill.net/about.php.

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