About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Twinkies' shelf-life nearly doubles!

The US Department of Homeland Security has teamed up with the new owners of Hostess Brands to increase the shelf-life of Twinkies snack cakes.

With ever-increasing concerns about the inability of government agencies to assist survivors in certain catastrophic disaster scenarios for weeks or longer, Homeland Security turned to the makers of the beloved snack food for help.

The cream-filled Twinkies many Americans grew up snacking during the Cold War made a comeback after being off shelves for nearly nine months following the bankruptcy of Hostess Brands.

According to the new owners, those spongy yellow cakes taste remarkably like the original.  The package lists a whopping 25 ingredients, and the new Twinkies have a shelf-life of 45 days, nearly three weeks longer than the 26 day shelf-life just a year ago.

With the increased shelf-life, Homeland Security has added Twinkies to its official list of supplies approved for home fallout shelters.

When asked to comment, Daren Metropoulos, principal of Metropoulos & Co., one of the two companies that bought the rights to Twinkies from the bankrupt Hostess Brands earlier this year, said he was pleased with the government's endorsement of his company's product.

He added that researchers in the company's product development laboratory are currently working to increase the Twinkies' shelf life even longer - up to six months.  "Who knows," Metropoulos mused, "in a full-scale nuclear war people will be stuck in those bomb shelters for a long time. They're going to need comfort food"

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