About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Parachute Plowshares fails to deploy

Wannabe Plowshares skydivers were blown off course and landed on a  remote section of a U.S. ballistic missile submarine installation in Georgia, the Florida Times-Union reported on Tuesday.

The two parachutists were aiming to land on a Trident ballistic missile submarine after jumping out of plane operated by a nearby skydiving company. They ended up landing instead on a baseball diamond at the Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay while Boomer Intramural Baseball Championship was in progress.

The skydivers were detained by Navy authorities while their identities were ascertained.

"They said one was a naturalized citizen and one was not a U.S. citizen and (didn't have) a passport," according to a conversation with Navy officials.

The Navy let the individuals go after their identities were confirmed and it was determined that they were not genuine Plowshares activists.

The two individuals involved did not carry any of the items normally attributed to Plowshares activists. A sack of equipment they had accidentally left on the aircraft was recovered by Naval Criminal Investigative Service (NCIS) personnel.

Inside the sack was a ball peen hammer, two vials of what was later determined to be red food coloring, and a banner reading "Go Bulldogs!"  The Bulldogs are the athletic teams of the University of Georgia.

An unnamed local peace activist said of the botched Plowshares action that Plowshares activists always use claw hammers - not ball peen hammers - as a symbol of hammering "swords into plowshares."  The also carry their own blood, symbolic of their willingness to shed their blood so that others may live.  As for the banner, the activists shrugged and said, "Go figure.  I'm a Quakers fan myself."

Kings Bay is the East Coast home port for U.S. submarines that carry nuclear-tipped Trident missiles.

"They definitely don't want people landing on their military installation. They were very stern with us," said the pilot of the aircraft, who was also detained and questioned by Naval Criminal Investigative Service staff.

However, the service was sympathetic to the fact that an "act of God" drove the parachutists off course, she said (Terry Dickson, Florida Times-Union, Aug. 14).

As "acts of God" go, authentic Plowshares actions are definitely "Godly acts," according to longtime Plowshares activist Sr. Anne Montgomery who once climbed aboard the USS Pennsylvania, a Trident submarine (at the age of 62).  "When Plowshares activists make up their hearts and minds about an action, the spirit certainly guides them to their destination," said Montgomery.  "This is our work... to hasten the disarming of these horrific weapons, and to heed the prophet Isaiah's admonition to turn swords into plowshares.  Plowshares activists are focused and centered on a greater good. That being said, the Navy, and especially Federal prosecutors, have never been sympathetic to our Godly Plowshares actions."

Since the incursion by the errant skydivers, officials at Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay have re-evaluated security measures at the base.  They plan to deploy unmanned aerial vehicles (drones) equipped with air to air missiles as a protective measure and have declared a no-fly-zone within five nautical miles of the base.


Endnote: Thanks to Global Security Newswire for the article butchered to make this fake article: Skydivers Accidentally Touch Down on U.S. Ballistic Missile Submarine Site, August 14, 2012, http://www.nti.rsvp1.com/gsn/article/two-skydivers-accidentally-touch-down-ballistic-missile-submarine-site/?mgh=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nti.org&mgf=1  Yes, skydivers really did "accidentally" land at the Kings Bay sub base. You separate the fact from fiction.  And most of all, apologies to sr. Anne Montgomery for implicating her (albeit falsely) in this post.  She did not provide the quotes attributed to her.

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