A Very Expensive Way to Fry Chicken

Here's one from the "What the Hell were these people thinking?!?!?!" files.

Back in the 1950s the nuclear powers didn't have anything better to do than create newer and more absurd nuclear weapons systems. It's almost as if they were in a contest (albeit a deadly one) to see who could build the stupidest contraption; of course, nuclear weapons (and the people who would consider using them) are pretty stupid. This one probably would have garnered the attentions of animal welfare groups had it not been top secret.

In the 1950s, physicists in the United Kingdom designed a nuclear land mine that would be placed along the West German border to stop a hypothetical Soviet ground assault on the rest of Europe, according to a BBC report. The landmine, dubbed Operation Blue Peacock, would be operated remotely (however that was going to work) so that it could be detonated at the moment when it could inflict maximal damage on the invading Soviet army.

But the weapon had a major hitch. Buried underground, it was possible that the mine would become so cold that the detonator would not function. In 1957, British nuclear physicists found a solution: chickens.

Not much room for the poor chickens!

That's right; one of the options (to keep the critical components warm) these geniuses came up with was to remodel the mine's interior to create a lovely chicken coop. The plan was to supply the chickens with enough seed and water to keep them alive (for awhile), and their body heat would be enough to keep everything ready to blow. We understand that the chickens were expected to live only a week, after which time some poor soul would have to open it up, clean out the mess, and pop in a fresh batch of chickens.

I certainly wonder what might have happened had the chickens run out of food and started pecking at the wires and other things that initiate the nuclear detonation???

The landmines designed in Operation Blue Peacock were thought to yield a 10-kiloton explosion, which is roughly half the explosive yield of the bomb that incinerated Nagasaki. Such destructive potential ultimately led to the abandonment of the project as the British realized that there would be an unacceptable amount of nuclear fallout from such a blast. I can't imagine why anyone was worried about that back in those days.

By 1958, after the production of only two prototypes, Operation Blue Peacock was abandoned after it was decided that this was much too expensive a method for cooking chicken. And the chickens rejoiced.

And hopefully, the physicists involved found new and different lines of work.

A Little Help for Jeremy Corbin's Nuclear Weapons Policy

The big news out of the United Kingdom these days is that Labour Leader Jeremy Corbin, the person who one day could have his finger poised over the little (or maybe it's big) red nuclear button, has stated unequivocably that he would never push the button [that would send the message to Trident submarine crews to launch their Trident II D-5 missiles bristling with really nasty thermonuclear warheads that would bring about the end of tourism in whatever part of the world those missiles land].

However, there is just one slight problem with Corbin's position. On a recent BBC news program, panelists reminded us that "if Corbin becomes Prime Minister but the party decides to keep Trident, it will be tricky, because there is no point in having a nuclear deterrent unless you're willing to use that crucial element of bluff, and Jeremy Corbin doesn't seem like the kind that can" (bluff that is) - he's no poker player.

Well, one of the panelists on the BBC show The News Quiz has come up with a brilliant solution. Andy Hamilton says, "If we don't have nuclear weapons, but pretend that we do... we could still have a red button... It wouldn't be hard; we'd build missiles out of cardboard or recycled plastic or whatever... so they show up on... satellite photos; mysterious convoys going up and down; fake the occasional accident; fence off Wales..."

Of course, this is not necessarily an altogether original idea. The North Koreans are geniuses when it comes to clever uses for cardboard (and other cheap materials made in forced labor camps). Just look at how the world pays attention when fearless leader Kim Jong-un thumps his chest and crows about his latest nuclear feat.

A North Korean prototype.

So there you go! We just "scrap Trident but don't tell anyone it's been scrapped. Brilliant!!!

Rather than wasting billions of pounds (or in the case of the United States roughly a hundred billion dollars; $1,000,000,000 Billion) for a Trident replacement, we could simply pretend to have built a replacement.

Since the official policy of the US (and I'm sure it's the same for the UK) is to "neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons," what's the difference?

Hey, it works for North Korea!

Just think of the savings. The big question is, can we trust the government (either one) to put the money to good use? After all, they decided to build these useless nuclear weapon systems in the first place. But that's another discussion for another day...

At any rate, I think Hamilton might be on to something here... Have a listen at The News Quiz.

Editor's Note: There really is no nuclear button for the President or Prime Minister to push; it's much more complicated than that - phew!

John Oliver Speaks on Weapons of Mass Insanity

HBO's John Oliver summed up nuclear weapons the other night in one sentence:  “nuclear weapons are basically like America’s T-rex arms, they’re essentially useless.” So there you go!!!

He also says that the public "does not give enough of a sh*t" about nuclear weapons. Of course, in the U.S. we spend most of our time arguing about the really important issues... like gay marriage, a woman's right to control her contraceptive destiny, and a host of really important things that could really bring about the end of the world!!! 

You simply must watch this video of Oliver laying bare how bloody lucky we are to have survived the last nearly 70 years, how stupid we must be to continue to rely on nuclear weapons, and why we simply must get rid of every last one of these omnicidal weapons!!! Simply brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!