About this Blog

The Loose Nukes is an attempt (by people who should probably be under 24 hour supervised psychiatric care) to bring attention to somewhat serious issues like nuclear weapons, militarism and other seemingly random, unrelated issues through vain attempts at social satire and other futile gestures of total contempt for a fading empire that continues to employ nuclear weapons, the ultimate instruments of an erectile dysfunctional national security state, as instruments of foreign policy. OK, you probably get the idea by now. We are obsessed by run-on sentences, peace and justice, having fun, and don't know when to quit. At any rate, we don't think nuclear weapons are a very good idea, and are most definitely unhealthy for living things. We also think the folks running this Empire should just get over it.

And now the NOT SO FINE PRINT: Read further at your own risk... and remember, DON'T PANIC; this is all SATIRE at its worst (or best, depending on one's mental state)! And some of the stuff in here is even true!!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Raytheon launches Teeny Weeny Tactical Munition (TWTM)

Raytheon’s new teeny weeny tactical munition (TWTM), which the U.S. group claims is the first purpose-built weapon for really small tactical unmanned air systems (UAS), could be in active service within a few months.

J.R. Smith, business development manager of Raytheon Missile Systems, said that this summer the company expects to conduct a live warhead demonstration. “It's going to be really fun!  We’re just tweaking the software and running some environmental tests,” he explained.

The TWTM is 22 inches long, 3.6 inches in diameter and weighs 13.5 pounds, and could be used on a UAS with a payload as low as 50 to 60 pounds. According to Smith, it also has value for use on larger UAS that would be more operationally flexible if they carried a larger number of weapons. For instance, the Predator would be able to carry 12 TWTMs, compared with just two of the larger Hellfire missiles. “This would have helped [in the NATO campaign] over Libya.  We could have killed a whole lot more people far more efficiently with the TWTM versus larger munitions,” he commented.

Raytheon's TWTM on a test run
Smith explained that there are both practical and philosophical reasons for "going small" as he put it.  "We have some amazing project managers.  One of them, who is passionate about E.F. Shumacker's economic concept (articulated in his book Small is Beautiful) took the idea of 'sensible scale' to the next level.  His out-of-the box thinking helped create a product that will reap huge financial rewards for Raytheon."

When asked about the name of the newly developed small tactical munition, Smith said "Well, you know engineers.  They were just having a little fun. In fact, in the initial test of the TWTM they fired it at a rival product group's drone mock-up.  You should have seen them scramble when they saw that thing coming.  What a great sense of humor!"

The day of the Pentagon's announcement to initially procure 10,000 of the TWTMs sent Raytheon's stock to a new high of 56.80.


Editor's Note: Thanks to AIN Online for material taken from the following article, http://www.ainonline.com/aviation-news/2012-07-08/raytheons-purpose-built-uas-bomb-ready-live-tests for this fake news piece.  Raytheon really is building a new missile called the Small Tactical Munition (STM). 

Friday, July 6, 2012

The Gift of Votes

With little fanfareWalmart has issued the newest in its line of special occasion prepaid gift cards.

The "Thanks for your vote" gift cards can be purchased in denominations from $10 to $1000, and feature a smiling Mitt Romney backed by a red, white and blue background.

WalMart shoppers who attempted to purchase the gift cards either in-store or online were informed that the cards are backordered until November.

A WalMart representative said "an entity that wishes to remain anonymous has purchased the first run of the cards" numbering in the millions.

Meanwhile, in Mexico thousands of people rushed to stores on Tuesday to redeem prepaid gift cards they said were given them by the party that won Mexico’s presidency, inflaming accusations that the election was marred by massive vote-buying.

Long lines at the Nogales WalMart the day after the election.

At least a few cardholders were angry, complaining they didn’t get as much as promised. Some of those lined up at the Nogales WalMart store to use their gift cards said they got them for supporting the Institutional Revolutionary Party, or PRI, whose candidate Enrique Pena Nieto won Sunday’s election. Some wore red T-shirts and baseball caps with Pena Nieto’s name printed in white.

In the U.S., a spokesperson for the Romney campaign declined comment on the disposition of the millions of gift cards still unaccounted for.  He did say, however, that in a hypothetical case where they might give gift cards to "loyal voters", people would get what they were promised.  "This is America after all," he said.


Sources for material used in this fake article: