It's Christmas At Ground Zero

It's that wonderful time of year again - people everywhere are stringing lights, lighting menorahs, decorating Christmas trees, and buying lots and lots of stuff (thanks to some pretty slick advertising).  Ain't it grand???

As I decorate the bomb shelter I find myself thinking about the true meaning of this holiday season.  It helps me to listen to my special collection of holiday music.  My favorite collection is (no, it's not Burl Ives' Christmas Album) Dr. Demento's "Greatest Christmas Novelty CD Of All Time."

Dr. Demento has put together the greatest sons of the season - including I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus.

But my all-time favorite song of the nuclear Holiday season is Christmas At Ground Zero, written and performed by one of the great composers of our (nuclear) age, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

It's a song that conjures up images of glowing reindeer and walks in radioactive snow. This music video version, to the best of my very limited understanding, is the totally official Yankovic-produced version of this great song that is destined to become your family's favorite Holiday tune.

Move over Winter Wonderland - "it's time to duck and cover with your yuletide lover underneath the mistletoe..."

Office of Homeland Security Cancels Christmas

Ellis Island -   Three wise men were arrested today attempting to illegally enter the United States.
The Iraqi nationals were carrying massive amounts of flammable substances known as "frankincense" and "myrrh." While not explosives themselves, experts revealed that these two substances could be used as a fuse to detonate a larger bomb. The three alleged terrorists were also carrying gold, presumably to finance the rest of their mission.

Also implicated in the plot were two Palestinians named Joseph and Mary. An anonymous source close to the family overheard Mary bragging that her son would "bring down the mighty from their thrones and lift up the lowly." In what appears to be a call to anarchy, the couple claims their son will someday "help prisoners escape captivity."

"These people match our terrorist profile perfectly," an official source reported.

All of the suspects claimed they heard angels singing of a new era of hope for the afflicted and poor. As one Wall Street official put it, "These one-world wackos are talking about overturning the entire economic and political hierarchy that holds the civilized world together. I don't care what some angel sang; God wants the status quo - by definition."  

A somber White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced that it might be prudent to cancel (or at least postpone) Christmas until others in the plot are rounded up. "I assure you that this measure is temporary. The president loves Christmas as much as anyone. People can still shop and give expensive gifts, but we're asking them not to think about world peace until after we have rid the world of all the evil people. For Americans to sing, 'Peace on earth, good will to all,' is just the wrong message to send to our enemies at this time."

The strongest opponents of the Christmas ban were the representatives of retail stores, movie chains and makers of porcelain Christmas figurines. "This is a tempest in a teapot," fumed one unnamed business owner. "No one thinks of the political meaning of Christmas any more. Christmas isn't about a savior who will bring hope to the outcasts of the world; it's about nativity scenes and beautiful lights. History has shown that mature people are perfectly capable of singing hymns about world peace while still supporting whatever war our leaders deem necessary. People long ago stopped tying religion to the real events in the world."

There has been no word on where the suspects are being kept, or when their trial might be held. Authorities are asking citizens who see other foreigners resembling nativity scene figures to contact the Office of Homeland Security.

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Editor's Note: Many thanks to the Rev. Jim Rigby for this wildly creative piece written for a previous Christmas (and of course we tell the Christmas Story year after year after year...).  Jim is pastor of St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church in Austin, TX, and a longtime activist in movements concerned with gender, racial, and economic justice. 

Click here for Jim's article in CommonDreams.org one year ago that provides the context for the literary piece used in this blog post.

You can read some of Jim's other writings at the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-rigby 

This Christmas: Your Adventure, Your Way!!!

Hey Moms and Dads!!!  Are you frantically looking for last minute gifts to stuff those stockings (with care)???  Well, look no further.

Here's a gift that's sure to please (everyone but the recipients of the Hellfire missiles on the real thing). This teeny weeny Predator Drone will fit nicely in any of today's Ultra stretch Super sized Christmas Stockings.

Get yours today; they're disappearing off store shelves fast!!! 

Your child (or children; heck, get one for everybody) will squeal with joy at the site of this small scale model killing machine. Yes - It's "Your Adventure, Your Way." Just as the U.S. gets its way just about everywhere in the world (and where it doesn't it institutes "regime change") your child can have his or her (girls can pilot drones too) way. One can never be too young to learn the important lessons of Empire.

 

After all; that's what Christmas is all about - that cool story about Herod (and the empire over which he ruled), who saw the baby Jesus as a threat and wanted to murder him.  And along the way he murdered his father-in-law, several of his ten wives and two of his sons.  And if that wasn't enough, after being outwitted by those three wise men Herod ordered the slaughter of all boys two years old and younger in Bethlehem and its environs.  Phew!!!  Is this a story of unbridled ambition, fear, hatred and more???  What a reality show this would have been!

 

Herod ignored the laws of God to suit himself and chose the favor of Rome over his own people (I know; this is sounding really familiar).  But hey - he was a skilled politician who knew how to get things done (to keep Rome at the top of the heap).  Wow, does this story sound familiar???

 

Oh yeah, please excuse the impromptu history lesson.  The point is that kids are never too young to be indoctrinated learn.  As for the warning on the package that the Predator Drone is suitable for "ages 3+", I'll leave that decision up to you parents.

 

Peace on Earth (at least our little part of it).

 

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Editor's Note: But really folks, isn't it time to ditch the drones???  Are there not alternatives to violence and killing (in the name of National Security, Homeland Security, War on Terror)???  Is there not another way, and didn't the very person who is central to the Christmas story show us that way???  Isn't nonviolence the only way for those who claim to be Christians???

 

Drones are but one (major) manifestation of the violence that is becoming so deeply rooted in our society.  We must begin to plant seeds of nonviolence and nurture them to build a nonviolent society (and world).  Now is the time to begin, and drones are a concrete issue that we must address.

 

Please look up Drones Watch, a national coalition campaign to monitor and regulate drone use.  There you can learn more about drones and take action for positive change.  It's all about the world in which we want to live - one at genuine peace with justice, or one of perpetual war.

It's Christmas At Ground Zero

Ahhhh the Holidays... Last night I enjoyed a wonderful Holiday music fest with good friends. Lots of Holiday cheer and a great selection of songs and carols; we even had a singalong.

Yet something was missing... What was it??? Of course!!! It was my all time favorite song of the nuclear Holiday season - Christmas At Ground Zero, written and performed by one of the great composers of our (nuclear) age, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

It's a song that conjures up images of glowing reindeer and walks in radioactive snow. This music video version, to the best of my very limited understanding, is the totally official Yankovic-produced version of this great song that is destined to become your family's favorite Holiday tune.

Move over Winter Wonderland - "it's time to duck and cover with your yuletide lover underneath the mistletoe..."

Santa Claus: "Peace on Earth -- Or Else."

It's never too early to think about the Holiday Season (especially the Holiday Protest Season); just ask every retailer bombarding people's televisions with commercial messages bleeding red and green, and just teeming with tinsel.

Well, Santa Claus has finally gotten into the act.  Mr. Claus recently took time off from the last minute toy production madness up at the North Pole to speak out for nuclear disarmament.

Claus travelled, accompanied by a gaggle of his merry elves AND an eight foot-long replica of a thermonuclear armed missile (looking strikingly similar to the Minuteman III - just don't look too closely - recently test launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base), to New York.  Claus's sleigh broke down at Poughkeepsie, NY, and in the spirit of the season, someone loaned Claus a three wheeled bicycle.

Santa and his elves on the way to the United Nations

Claus had a specific destination in mind - the United Nations.  Claus brought a definitive seasonal message to the world's leaders - "Peace on Earth -- Or Else." 

Santa was not allowed inside the UN headquarters, so he shouted his message to all who would listen on the streets of New York.  He and his elves kicked off the Holiday Season with a new rendition of Jingle Bells:

Jingle bells, we're going to Hell
Burning all the way
Oh what fun,
it is to die,
In a fiery nuclear way
Hey!

Bystanders were simultaneously thrilled and terrified by the quirky holiday jingle, and were amazed when Claus told them how much of their tax dollars their own government is wasting on nuclear weapons at the expense of human needs.  "That [spending on weapons of mass annihilation] is so scrooge-like," said Santa.

"It is so easy to get distracted by the materialism of the season, while nuclear annihilation is just a press of a button away.  It's important to put nuclear disarmament on the front burner and turn the heat up.  I feel like the original message of Christmas has been lost thanks to the geniuses on Madison Avenue (right here in New York).  It's time to reclaim that original message of peace, and I'm the jolly old fellow who can do it."

Santa and his elves continued on from the UN building through the city before returning to the North Pole.  They handed out little green toy soldiers to passersby as a reminder of the tragic human consequences of war.

When asked by a reporter if he wasn't just upsetting people's holidays before they've even begun, Santa replied, "Is there ever a convenient time???  Each of us has a responsibility to stand up for what is right and speak out.  Sometimes that goes against the societal norm.  But that should not stop us.  It's a moral responsibility.  I know it's hard for most people to see Santa calling for peace and nuclear disarmament.  But hey, I care deeply about humanity, and especially all those children to whom I'm responsible.  If I don't say something, one day there may be no children for me to deliver presents to.  Now that would be a real tragedy."

Following on those comments Santa said that thanks to his new high speed internet connection at the Pole he can now sign petitions and send emails to decision makers around the world with a click of his "mouse."  "I just signed one [petition] from the folks at Nuclear Age Peace Foundation calling on the United States to take all its land-based thermonuclear armed missiles off high alert status (Is that crazy of what???) and start dismantling them.  I mean... just what good is something that is only designed to incinerate millions of innocent people???"  One of the elves chimed in, "That's just plain crazy!!!" 

A reporter then asked if President Obama was on Santa's famous "naughty or nice" list.  The jolly old guy laughed and said he could neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a list.  He then grimaced and said, "Well, it's safe to say that if such a list existed, the CEO's of all those weapons manufacturers would definitely be on the 'NAUGHTY' list.  It's kind of a no-brainer.  I have a new office staffed by elves who do nothing but track and list all the profiteers around the world who are benefiting from warmaking.  Tragically, that list has been growing by leaps and bounds."

"As for Obama..." and Santa paused for a moment, "redemption is always on the table."

And then Santa was off and pedalling.  As he wheeled across the Brooklyn Bridge with his elves running behind him, one could hear the distant (yet strong) call for

"Peace on Earth.  Good Will to All People."

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Editor's Notes: 

Thanks to the Huffington Post for the story that got the creative juices flowing on this one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/13/santa-claus-united-nations-joey-skaggs-nuclear-protest_n_2124695.html#slide=1754034

In the true spirit of the season, let us all work (on every level) for PEACE.  Sign petitions; send emails, letters and/or faxes to decision makers; engage others - family, friends, co-workers, people you meet on the street - in the struggle for a peaceful world for all.  What better gift can we give???



Put a drone on your Holiday wish list!!!

Hey Kids,

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa... They're right around the corner, and it's never too early to start your Holiday wish list. 

You probably know - as does every weapons contractor - that there is a huge future in drones, and I just bet you would love to pilot a drone some day.  Maybe right here in the United States, or in one of the dozens of other countries acquiring drone technology.  Just think; sitting back in the comfort of your air conditioned trailer flying a drone thousands of miles away, looking for a wedding party some terrorists to whack.

Well, it's never too early to get started.  And now, if you've been good all year long, you can have your very own drone.  The folks at Brookstone have the newest thing in consumer drone technology, ready to ship right to your front door.

The Parrot® AR.Drone® 2.0 App-Controlled Quadricopter comes with everything you need to do what the real drone pilots do - fly all over your neighborhood, spy on your neighbors, and maybe even unleash an occasional Nerf Hellfire missile (optional accessory) on an unsuspecting victim.

Having a blast with Quadricopter mounted with optional machine gun firing
depleted uranium armor-piercing incendiary rounds, (adult supervision required)
 Just think what you could do to the neighbor's annual potluck???

Just think of the thrill of hovering over the neighbor's pool party and unleashing a barrage of paintball containing missiles (optional accessory).  On-board cameras let you see in real time the anguish on your victims faces as they scramble for safety in a futile effort to escape the hail of paint balls.

But here’s the best part–while in flight, the copter's all-new front camera captures video and stills in sharp 720p HD that you can stream live or record to share with friends on YouTube®, the AR.Drone community or other sites with just a tap. 

The future of drones, now even easier to fly.

• Fly your AR.Drone 2.0 with the free downloadable app for your iOS or Android Device
• Perform advanced stunts ordinary drones can't
• Fly up to 165 feet from your Wi-Fi device
• See what the pilot sees with new front facing camera
• Capture 720p HD videos and stills to stream live or record and share online
• Enjoy controlled, level flying with automatic stabilization system
• AR.FreeFlight 2.0 app lets you save flight data (altitude, speed, duration, and place) to share online
• Play augmented reality games that turn the world around you into a video game
• Terrorize your neighbors with optional weapon systems
• Fly indoors or out–included hull protectors guard rotors around tight corners
• Made of carbon fiber and impact resistant plastic so parts can be changed for easy repair

And the really, really best part is that the Parrot® AR.Drone® 2.0 App-Controlled Quadricopter can be yours for only $299.99, and shipping is absolutely free.  And did I mention??? The Quadricopter comes in three sick color schemes - orange/blue, orange/green and orange/yellow.

Be the first one on your block to own one of these bad boys.  In fact, you had better be the first.  Pretty soon everyone is going to own one, and then all hell is going to break loose.  But hey, you can worry about that later (just like our government).  For now, have fun and spread some terror around the neighborhood.  It's all in good fun!

Click here to order your Parrot® AR.Drone® 2.0 App-Controlled Quadricopter today.  Gift wrap is available at a small additional charge.  And don't forget to remember extra batteries!!!

Note: Due to U.S. Department of Homeland Security requirements, Broodstone is unable to ship AR.Drone 2.0 to addresses outside of the United States. For ages 14 and up. WARNING: Choking hazard due to small parts. Adult supervision required for certain optional weapon systems.   Exposure to Depleted Uranium may cause leukemogenic, genetic, reproductive, neurological, developmental and carcinogenic effects.

Batteries and missiles NOT included!

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OK, so how could we pass this one up???  The same people developing these things for the military (and just about everyone else as well) are obviously going to capitalize on the mass consumer market.  So just when is a drone not a drone???  It's kind of like the old days when kids (mostly boys back in my day) played with toy guns, and enlisted later on to pick up the real thing.  Soon kids will be playing with their "toy" drones in preparation for the real (and lethal) thing.  The real Brookstone URL: http://www.brookstone.com/parrot-ar-drone-2-quadricopter?bkiid=body_zone  Of course, there is not need to worry about the high cost at Brookstone.  Wait long enough and they will be available at Wal-Mart: "Save money.  Live Better."