It's Christmas At Ground Zero

It's that wonderful time of year again - people everywhere are stringing lights, lighting menorahs, decorating Christmas trees, and buying lots and lots of stuff (thanks to some pretty slick advertising).  Ain't it grand???

As I decorate the bomb shelter I find myself thinking about the true meaning of this holiday season.  It helps me to listen to my special collection of holiday music.  My favorite collection is (no, it's not Burl Ives' Christmas Album) Dr. Demento's "Greatest Christmas Novelty CD Of All Time."

Dr. Demento has put together the greatest sons of the season - including I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus.

But my all-time favorite song of the nuclear Holiday season is Christmas At Ground Zero, written and performed by one of the great composers of our (nuclear) age, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

It's a song that conjures up images of glowing reindeer and walks in radioactive snow. This music video version, to the best of my very limited understanding, is the totally official Yankovic-produced version of this great song that is destined to become your family's favorite Holiday tune.

Move over Winter Wonderland - "it's time to duck and cover with your yuletide lover underneath the mistletoe..."

It's Christmas At Ground Zero

Ahhhh the Holidays... Last night I enjoyed a wonderful Holiday music fest with good friends. Lots of Holiday cheer and a great selection of songs and carols; we even had a singalong.

Yet something was missing... What was it??? Of course!!! It was my all time favorite song of the nuclear Holiday season - Christmas At Ground Zero, written and performed by one of the great composers of our (nuclear) age, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

It's a song that conjures up images of glowing reindeer and walks in radioactive snow. This music video version, to the best of my very limited understanding, is the totally official Yankovic-produced version of this great song that is destined to become your family's favorite Holiday tune.

Move over Winter Wonderland - "it's time to duck and cover with your yuletide lover underneath the mistletoe..."

Santa Claus: "Peace on Earth -- Or Else."

It's never too early to think about the Holiday Season (especially the Holiday Protest Season); just ask every retailer bombarding people's televisions with commercial messages bleeding red and green, and just teeming with tinsel.

Well, Santa Claus has finally gotten into the act.  Mr. Claus recently took time off from the last minute toy production madness up at the North Pole to speak out for nuclear disarmament.

Claus travelled, accompanied by a gaggle of his merry elves AND an eight foot-long replica of a thermonuclear armed missile (looking strikingly similar to the Minuteman III - just don't look too closely - recently test launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base), to New York.  Claus's sleigh broke down at Poughkeepsie, NY, and in the spirit of the season, someone loaned Claus a three wheeled bicycle.

Santa and his elves on the way to the United Nations

Claus had a specific destination in mind - the United Nations.  Claus brought a definitive seasonal message to the world's leaders - "Peace on Earth -- Or Else." 

Santa was not allowed inside the UN headquarters, so he shouted his message to all who would listen on the streets of New York.  He and his elves kicked off the Holiday Season with a new rendition of Jingle Bells:

Jingle bells, we're going to Hell
Burning all the way
Oh what fun,
it is to die,
In a fiery nuclear way
Hey!

Bystanders were simultaneously thrilled and terrified by the quirky holiday jingle, and were amazed when Claus told them how much of their tax dollars their own government is wasting on nuclear weapons at the expense of human needs.  "That [spending on weapons of mass annihilation] is so scrooge-like," said Santa.

"It is so easy to get distracted by the materialism of the season, while nuclear annihilation is just a press of a button away.  It's important to put nuclear disarmament on the front burner and turn the heat up.  I feel like the original message of Christmas has been lost thanks to the geniuses on Madison Avenue (right here in New York).  It's time to reclaim that original message of peace, and I'm the jolly old fellow who can do it."

Santa and his elves continued on from the UN building through the city before returning to the North Pole.  They handed out little green toy soldiers to passersby as a reminder of the tragic human consequences of war.

When asked by a reporter if he wasn't just upsetting people's holidays before they've even begun, Santa replied, "Is there ever a convenient time???  Each of us has a responsibility to stand up for what is right and speak out.  Sometimes that goes against the societal norm.  But that should not stop us.  It's a moral responsibility.  I know it's hard for most people to see Santa calling for peace and nuclear disarmament.  But hey, I care deeply about humanity, and especially all those children to whom I'm responsible.  If I don't say something, one day there may be no children for me to deliver presents to.  Now that would be a real tragedy."

Following on those comments Santa said that thanks to his new high speed internet connection at the Pole he can now sign petitions and send emails to decision makers around the world with a click of his "mouse."  "I just signed one [petition] from the folks at Nuclear Age Peace Foundation calling on the United States to take all its land-based thermonuclear armed missiles off high alert status (Is that crazy of what???) and start dismantling them.  I mean... just what good is something that is only designed to incinerate millions of innocent people???"  One of the elves chimed in, "That's just plain crazy!!!" 

A reporter then asked if President Obama was on Santa's famous "naughty or nice" list.  The jolly old guy laughed and said he could neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a list.  He then grimaced and said, "Well, it's safe to say that if such a list existed, the CEO's of all those weapons manufacturers would definitely be on the 'NAUGHTY' list.  It's kind of a no-brainer.  I have a new office staffed by elves who do nothing but track and list all the profiteers around the world who are benefiting from warmaking.  Tragically, that list has been growing by leaps and bounds."

"As for Obama..." and Santa paused for a moment, "redemption is always on the table."

And then Santa was off and pedalling.  As he wheeled across the Brooklyn Bridge with his elves running behind him, one could hear the distant (yet strong) call for

"Peace on Earth.  Good Will to All People."

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Editor's Notes: 

Thanks to the Huffington Post for the story that got the creative juices flowing on this one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/13/santa-claus-united-nations-joey-skaggs-nuclear-protest_n_2124695.html#slide=1754034

In the true spirit of the season, let us all work (on every level) for PEACE.  Sign petitions; send emails, letters and/or faxes to decision makers; engage others - family, friends, co-workers, people you meet on the street - in the struggle for a peaceful world for all.  What better gift can we give???



Put a drone on your Holiday wish list!!!

Hey Kids,

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa... They're right around the corner, and it's never too early to start your Holiday wish list. 

You probably know - as does every weapons contractor - that there is a huge future in drones, and I just bet you would love to pilot a drone some day.  Maybe right here in the United States, or in one of the dozens of other countries acquiring drone technology.  Just think; sitting back in the comfort of your air conditioned trailer flying a drone thousands of miles away, looking for a wedding party some terrorists to whack.

Well, it's never too early to get started.  And now, if you've been good all year long, you can have your very own drone.  The folks at Brookstone have the newest thing in consumer drone technology, ready to ship right to your front door.

The Parrot® AR.Drone® 2.0 App-Controlled Quadricopter comes with everything you need to do what the real drone pilots do - fly all over your neighborhood, spy on your neighbors, and maybe even unleash an occasional Nerf Hellfire missile (optional accessory) on an unsuspecting victim.

Having a blast with Quadricopter mounted with optional machine gun firing
depleted uranium armor-piercing incendiary rounds, (adult supervision required)
 Just think what you could do to the neighbor's annual potluck???

Just think of the thrill of hovering over the neighbor's pool party and unleashing a barrage of paintball containing missiles (optional accessory).  On-board cameras let you see in real time the anguish on your victims faces as they scramble for safety in a futile effort to escape the hail of paint balls.

But here’s the best part–while in flight, the copter's all-new front camera captures video and stills in sharp 720p HD that you can stream live or record to share with friends on YouTube®, the AR.Drone community or other sites with just a tap. 

The future of drones, now even easier to fly.

• Fly your AR.Drone 2.0 with the free downloadable app for your iOS or Android Device
• Perform advanced stunts ordinary drones can't
• Fly up to 165 feet from your Wi-Fi device
• See what the pilot sees with new front facing camera
• Capture 720p HD videos and stills to stream live or record and share online
• Enjoy controlled, level flying with automatic stabilization system
• AR.FreeFlight 2.0 app lets you save flight data (altitude, speed, duration, and place) to share online
• Play augmented reality games that turn the world around you into a video game
• Terrorize your neighbors with optional weapon systems
• Fly indoors or out–included hull protectors guard rotors around tight corners
• Made of carbon fiber and impact resistant plastic so parts can be changed for easy repair

And the really, really best part is that the Parrot® AR.Drone® 2.0 App-Controlled Quadricopter can be yours for only $299.99, and shipping is absolutely free.  And did I mention??? The Quadricopter comes in three sick color schemes - orange/blue, orange/green and orange/yellow.

Be the first one on your block to own one of these bad boys.  In fact, you had better be the first.  Pretty soon everyone is going to own one, and then all hell is going to break loose.  But hey, you can worry about that later (just like our government).  For now, have fun and spread some terror around the neighborhood.  It's all in good fun!

Click here to order your Parrot® AR.Drone® 2.0 App-Controlled Quadricopter today.  Gift wrap is available at a small additional charge.  And don't forget to remember extra batteries!!!

Note: Due to U.S. Department of Homeland Security requirements, Broodstone is unable to ship AR.Drone 2.0 to addresses outside of the United States. For ages 14 and up. WARNING: Choking hazard due to small parts. Adult supervision required for certain optional weapon systems.   Exposure to Depleted Uranium may cause leukemogenic, genetic, reproductive, neurological, developmental and carcinogenic effects.

Batteries and missiles NOT included!

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OK, so how could we pass this one up???  The same people developing these things for the military (and just about everyone else as well) are obviously going to capitalize on the mass consumer market.  So just when is a drone not a drone???  It's kind of like the old days when kids (mostly boys back in my day) played with toy guns, and enlisted later on to pick up the real thing.  Soon kids will be playing with their "toy" drones in preparation for the real (and lethal) thing.  The real Brookstone URL: http://www.brookstone.com/parrot-ar-drone-2-quadricopter?bkiid=body_zone  Of course, there is not need to worry about the high cost at Brookstone.  Wait long enough and they will be available at Wal-Mart: "Save money.  Live Better."