South Korea Could Have It's Own Boomer

Seoul, South Korea (The Loose Nukes): Republic of Korea (ROK) President Yoon Suk Yeol and First Lady of the Republic of Korea Kim Keon Hee recently kicked the tires on one of the US Navy's aging OHIO Class “Trident” submarines in anticipation of possibly purchasing one of the soon to be retired ballistic missile submarines for their own nation.

The Ohio-class ballistic-missile submarine USS Kentucky (SSBN 737) was on a port visit in Busan, South Korea on July 19, 2023 to not only demonstrate the United States’ ironclad commitment to the (ROK) for its extended deterrence guarantee, but to also give the President and First Lady a chance to tour and test drive a fully functioning ballistic missile submarine. A secondary purpose was to scare the pants off of President of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea Kim Jong Un.

ROK First Lady Kim Keon Hee checking out North Korea.

The 14 OHIO Class submarines currently in service, which represent the US Navy's kick-ass nuclear deterrent force, are scheduled to be replaced by the new and improved Columbia Class, which is slated to begin entering service in 2031. As the aging OHIO Class boats are taken out of service there will be a tremendous opportunity for countries like South Korea to have their very own nuclear deterrent and no longer need to rely on the US nuclear umbrella. It will also provide an opportunity for the US Navy to make some extra cash to keep building all the ships on its wish list.

Besides the deterrence aspect of owning your own ballistic missile submarine, there is also the major prestige factor of owning a vessel capable of incinerating an entire continent with the full complement Trident II D5 missiles loaded with a the maximum number of thermonuclear warheads.

"Ballistic missile submarines (SSBNs) are the most powerful nuclear assets in the world," said Park Won Gon, professor at Ewha Womans University in Seoul. "North Korea's solid-fuel Hwasong-18 ICBM is no match to the SSBN. … North Korea is going to realize the imbalance between its nuclear capabilities and the U.S.'" After those comments, Park was overheard saying, “If Kim messes with us he will be toast.”

During the guided tour of the Kentucky the first couple viewed the missile compartment and they were blown away by the explanation of the Trident missile's capabilities, and nearly choked on their lunch with the realization that even after incinerating all of North Korea in a first strike (which is what Trident is designed for), they would still have plenty of missiles left to deal with China should the need arise.

The couple was assured by U.S. National Security Council Coordinator for Indo-Pacific Affairs Kurt Campbell that the United States is committed to strengthening the ROK to meet its sovereign self-defense needs and to improve its capabilities to operate with U.S. forces to address shared security challenges. At the inaugural meeting of the long-lauded US-ROK Nuclear Consultative Group (NCG), coinciding with the Kentucky's port call, Campbell stated that the US is committed to ensure that the ROK is prepared to show Kim Jong Un who's boss on the Korean peninsula.

When President Yoon asked about the potential price tag, a representative of the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of Political-Military Affairs assured him that he would be getting a huge price break, and that the Arms Export Control Act (AECA), as amended [22 U.S.C. 2751, et. seq.], authorizes the President to finance procurement of defense articles and services for foreign countries and international organizations. Foreign Military Financing (FMF) may be provided to a partner nation on either a grant (non-repayable) or direct loan basis.

The commanding officer of the Kentucky, Lee Fake (Gold crew), assured President Yoon that prior to purchase, their submarine would receive a thorough overhaul, including reactor refueling.

When asked how he felt about the prospect of owning his very own ballistic missile submarine bristling withorth enough thermonuclear firepower to start World War III, President Yoon retorted, “How can one put a vualue on such a treasure as ultimate nuclear deterrence? I am humbled, and at the same time somewhat agiddy, at the thought of such power.”

Disclaimer/Fine Print/etc: Although most of what is written in this post is true, the ROK first couple did not test drive an OHIO Class submarine, nor do they intend to purchase one for their country (as far as this journalist is aware).

Announcing the Nuclear Age Depression Foundation

New York, United Nations (The Loose Nukes): On Friday, August 26th, after four weeks of deliberations, the 10th Review Conference of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT) concluded with no final agreement. This should come as no surprise as the nuclear-armed nations, led by the United States and Russia (the two largest nuclear-armed nations), have paid lip service to the NPT since its inception. 
  
Humanity has, for the past 77 years, lived under the nuclear Sword of Damocles, and no one can live under the constant threat of nuclear annihilation without suffering some mental anguish. It is quite likely that much of the mental illness suffered by people throughout the nuclear age has been caused by the knowledge of the threat of use of nuclear weapons, which would result in unimaginable horrors.

The nuclear-armed nations that are signatories to the NPT have all but ignored the intentions of the treaty by not only NOT pursuing "negotiations in good faith on effective measures relating to cessation of the nuclear arms race at an early date and to nuclear disarmament, and on a treaty on general and complete disarmament under strict and effective international control," but also by increasing and modernizing their arsenals and delivery systems over many decades.

In the case of the United States, we hear a never-ending droning-on about the proliferation of nuclear weapons by other states (eg, North Korea) while the US stonewalls when it comes to meeting its obligations under the NPT.    

Once, when asked what he thought of the NPT and the prospects for global disarmament, Edward Teller, known as the father of the hydrogen bomb, criptically remarked, "If anyone wants a hole in the ground, nuclear explosives can make big holes." Robert Oppenheimer, who didn't live to see the NPT enter into force, was once quoted as saying, “It is perfectly obvious that the whole world is going to hell. The only possible chance that it might not is that we do not attempt to prevent it from doing so.” Both quotes indicate people affected by mental illness of one form or another.

Therefore:

With the understanding that the NPT was created by the nuclear-armed nations as a way of maintaining their nuclear hegemony and keeping other nations from possessing nuclear arms and,

In response to the 54 year failure of the bogus NPT to bring about total and complete disarmament and,

In response to 77 years of continuous threat of use of nuclear weapons, which would unleash horrors the likes of which are beyond human comprehension and, 

In response to the mental harm caused to most, if not all, of humanity by the constant threat of human extinction due to nuclear holocaust and,

Since it is obvious that the governments representing the nuclear-armed nations have no intention of giving up their nuclear arsenals,

Be it resolved that an eminent group of mental health professionals have come together to create the Nuclear Age Depression Foundation (NADF). The NADF will provide resources to all interested parties in an effort to treat the billions of residents of Planet Earth who suffer from some form of depression resulting from the knowledge that we are all totally f____d.

More information can be found at https://theloosenukes.blogspot.com.

Disclaimer: The Nuclear Age Depression Foundation is in no way related to or associated with the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation.

What's better than a bomb shelter? The Armeggedon 2000!

I know, I know... everyone's in crisis mode now that President-Elect Trump is about to take over The White House, and will have total (and essentially unchallenged) authority to launch nuclear weapons. Egads!!!

So you've been thinking about digging a bomb shelter like people did back in the day. But you live in an apartment, or the soil in your back yard has rocks the size of an elephant. What are you supposed to do (besides "duck and cover")?

Well, dig no further. If you've got a vehicle with a trailer hitch, you are in luck!

Introducing the Armageddon 2000 Nuclear Hardened Travel Trailer. It's the only travel trailer that you can enjoy all year long and, when the mushroom clouds start to appear on the horizon, instantly converts into a bomb shelter.

The Armageddon 2000 is built with special materials to resist incineration from a nuclear blast. It boasts lead shielding and Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) protection for all your sensitive electronics. Coupled with special air filters designed to keep your breathing air radioisotope free, and extra large capacity water tanks, the Armageedon 2000 is just what you need to survive any nuclear war, whether at home or away.

The Armageddon 2000 ready to deploy!

Should you decide to let a lucky few people join you in your new portable digs, they will immediately recognize your rolling bomb shelter thanks to the official civil defense insignia posted prominently by the entrance door.

Designed by legendary shelter designer Dave Patterson, a member of Veterans for Peace, San Diego Chapter, the Armageddon 2000 will let you roll down to the beach at sunset, then watch the sun rise twice, or maybe a hundred times, and finally kick back and wait a few decades once it's finally safe to go outside or all your canned food runs out (whichever comes first) and breathe the air or drink the water or eat anything that might grow after the long nuclear winter.

A host of cool optional accessories are available, including continuous radioisotope monitoring instrumentation and direct communications link to the US Government's Cheyenne Mountain to receive advance warning of pending nuclear attack so you can beat the masses to the best KOA campsites near you.

The Armageddon 2000 is not only stylish and streamlined; it is AFFORDABLE! Why spend all that time and money to build an in-ground bomb shelter, when you can have one right now - you never know when the bombs will start dropping - for far less money, and be able to take to any number of scenic spots AND get a free campsite!

It doesn't get any better than the Armageddon 2000. Call today. Operators are standing by...

A Very Expensive Way to Fry Chicken

Here's one from the "What the Hell were these people thinking?!?!?!" files.

Back in the 1950s the nuclear powers didn't have anything better to do than create newer and more absurd nuclear weapons systems. It's almost as if they were in a contest (albeit a deadly one) to see who could build the stupidest contraption; of course, nuclear weapons (and the people who would consider using them) are pretty stupid. This one probably would have garnered the attentions of animal welfare groups had it not been top secret.

In the 1950s, physicists in the United Kingdom designed a nuclear land mine that would be placed along the West German border to stop a hypothetical Soviet ground assault on the rest of Europe, according to a BBC report. The landmine, dubbed Operation Blue Peacock, would be operated remotely (however that was going to work) so that it could be detonated at the moment when it could inflict maximal damage on the invading Soviet army.

But the weapon had a major hitch. Buried underground, it was possible that the mine would become so cold that the detonator would not function. In 1957, British nuclear physicists found a solution: chickens.

Not much room for the poor chickens!

That's right; one of the options (to keep the critical components warm) these geniuses came up with was to remodel the mine's interior to create a lovely chicken coop. The plan was to supply the chickens with enough seed and water to keep them alive (for awhile), and their body heat would be enough to keep everything ready to blow. We understand that the chickens were expected to live only a week, after which time some poor soul would have to open it up, clean out the mess, and pop in a fresh batch of chickens.

I certainly wonder what might have happened had the chickens run out of food and started pecking at the wires and other things that initiate the nuclear detonation???

The landmines designed in Operation Blue Peacock were thought to yield a 10-kiloton explosion, which is roughly half the explosive yield of the bomb that incinerated Nagasaki. Such destructive potential ultimately led to the abandonment of the project as the British realized that there would be an unacceptable amount of nuclear fallout from such a blast. I can't imagine why anyone was worried about that back in those days.

By 1958, after the production of only two prototypes, Operation Blue Peacock was abandoned after it was decided that this was much too expensive a method for cooking chicken. And the chickens rejoiced.

And hopefully, the physicists involved found new and different lines of work.

A Little Help for Jeremy Corbin's Nuclear Weapons Policy

The big news out of the United Kingdom these days is that Labour Leader Jeremy Corbin, the person who one day could have his finger poised over the little (or maybe it's big) red nuclear button, has stated unequivocably that he would never push the button [that would send the message to Trident submarine crews to launch their Trident II D-5 missiles bristling with really nasty thermonuclear warheads that would bring about the end of tourism in whatever part of the world those missiles land].

However, there is just one slight problem with Corbin's position. On a recent BBC news program, panelists reminded us that "if Corbin becomes Prime Minister but the party decides to keep Trident, it will be tricky, because there is no point in having a nuclear deterrent unless you're willing to use that crucial element of bluff, and Jeremy Corbin doesn't seem like the kind that can" (bluff that is) - he's no poker player.

Well, one of the panelists on the BBC show The News Quiz has come up with a brilliant solution. Andy Hamilton says, "If we don't have nuclear weapons, but pretend that we do... we could still have a red button... It wouldn't be hard; we'd build missiles out of cardboard or recycled plastic or whatever... so they show up on... satellite photos; mysterious convoys going up and down; fake the occasional accident; fence off Wales..."

Of course, this is not necessarily an altogether original idea. The North Koreans are geniuses when it comes to clever uses for cardboard (and other cheap materials made in forced labor camps). Just look at how the world pays attention when fearless leader Kim Jong-un thumps his chest and crows about his latest nuclear feat.

A North Korean prototype.

So there you go! We just "scrap Trident but don't tell anyone it's been scrapped. Brilliant!!!

Rather than wasting billions of pounds (or in the case of the United States roughly a hundred billion dollars; $1,000,000,000 Billion) for a Trident replacement, we could simply pretend to have built a replacement.

Since the official policy of the US (and I'm sure it's the same for the UK) is to "neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons," what's the difference?

Hey, it works for North Korea!

Just think of the savings. The big question is, can we trust the government (either one) to put the money to good use? After all, they decided to build these useless nuclear weapon systems in the first place. But that's another discussion for another day...

At any rate, I think Hamilton might be on to something here... Have a listen at The News Quiz.

Editor's Note: There really is no nuclear button for the President or Prime Minister to push; it's much more complicated than that - phew!

John Oliver Speaks on Weapons of Mass Insanity

HBO's John Oliver summed up nuclear weapons the other night in one sentence:  “nuclear weapons are basically like America’s T-rex arms, they’re essentially useless.” So there you go!!!

He also says that the public "does not give enough of a sh*t" about nuclear weapons. Of course, in the U.S. we spend most of our time arguing about the really important issues... like gay marriage, a woman's right to control her contraceptive destiny, and a host of really important things that could really bring about the end of the world!!! 

You simply must watch this video of Oliver laying bare how bloody lucky we are to have survived the last nearly 70 years, how stupid we must be to continue to rely on nuclear weapons, and why we simply must get rid of every last one of these omnicidal weapons!!! Simply brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CND in historic U-turn on nuclear weapons

Editor's Note:  This historic news just in from the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament!!!

Press Office: 07968 420 859 - Switchboard: 020 7700 2393 - E-mail: pressoffice@cnduk.org
Monday, 31 March 2014 - Attn: News desks / Defence / Political correspondents
Embargoed: 00.01 Tuesday 1 April

CND in historic U-turn on nuclear weapons

56 years after the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament was launched by luminaries including JB Priestly and Bertrand Russell, the organisation has finally given its backing to nuclear weapons.

‘We backed the wrong horse,’ said CND’s General Secretary Kate Hudson, in a dramatic U-turn from the organisation’s founding objectives.

‘We should have known that humanity’s penchant for self-destruction would lead inexorably to global nuclear proliferation. And from now on, that’s where our money is going to be put.’

New CNA logo

‘We now wholeheartedly endorse the Government’s assessment that £100bn is better spent on a new generation of weapons of mass destruction than on healthcare, education or green energy.’

‘We also vehemently reject the strategic objections to Trident replacement: we’ve had it up to here with ex-Generals and defence analysts who say nuclear weapons are an obsolete Cold War relic, and that Trident spending is hollowing out the UK’s military.’

‘That’s why from today we’re rebranding as the Campaign for Nuclear Armament. We’ll be ditching the iconic CND symbol – inverting it to create an encircled trident. We look forward to developing a robust and enduring relationship with the Government on this controversial public spending issue as we head into the next election.’

- ends -

Yes, this is an April Fools' joke. Of course nuclear weapons are monstrous and we'll continue to campaign against them. :)

For further information and interviews please contact Luke Massey, CND's Press & Communications Officer on 020 7700 2350 or 07968 420 859.

Trident Makes Bad People Go Away!

The following graphic was issued this week by the United States Navy, Commander, Submarine Forces in an effort to help members of Congress better understand the rationale for building a new fleet of ballistic missile submarines to replace the current Trident fleet.

The Trident II D-5 missiles deployed on the nation's 14 OHIO Class submarines carry multiple thermonuclear warheads, each one many times the destructive force of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  Rear Adm. Joesph Tofalo has said that, “A single Trident submarine is the sixth largest nuclear nation in the world all by itself."

Carrying enough nuclear warheads to incinerate an entire continent, Trident is certainly an important tool in our nation's military tool box, and it most certainly can make lots of people "go away" in a flash.

The successor to the OHIO Class submarine fleet is known as the SSBN(X), and is currently in research and development.  A fleet of 12 new submarines will cost approximately $100 billion to build.

Nukes Ready to Launch Despite Government Shutdown

Hard working (at least those who still have jobs) Americans want to know that their nation's nuclear forces are unaffected by the partial government shutdown.  They need to feel the security that comes with knowing that the thermonuclear-armed missiles ready to launch at those pesky North Koreans (or perhaps Iranians or some other country we haven't yet turned into a pariah state) are being maintained, protected and kept in a state of readiness for that magical moment of nuclear holocaust.

Well, have no fear (or perhaps you should): "Strategic nuclear missiles, submarines, and bombers remain ready despite the U.S. government shutdown and the furloughing of some nuclear force workers, according to the U.S. Strategic Command." That's the official word from an article in The Washington Free Beacon. Here's more from that article.

The federal shutdown caused some civilian nuclear force employees to go on emergency furlough, but operational military forces are unaffected by government closures, a Command spokeswoman said. [Phew!!!]  

“I can say with full confidence that the U.S. nuclear force remains safe, secure, and effective and, at this point, we are not standing down any operational assets,” Navy Capt. Pamela Kunze, director of Stratcom public affairs said. [Hmmm... At what "point" might they stand down some operational assets???]

(scene from the film Dr. Strangelove)

The Omaha-based Strategic Command is in charge of all nuclear deterrence and war fighting forces, including 450 Minuteman III land-based intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs); 14 strategic nuclear missile submarines, each armed with 24 Trident missiles; and 20 B-2 and 78 B-52 nuclear bombers. [Wow, that's a whole lotta "deterrence"!!!]

Most of the ICBMs are on high-alert status that allows them to be launched almost immediately on warning of an imminent nuclear attack on the United States, or after an attack. [Let's hope it's not a false warning!!!]

The missiles are under tight controls and security and require two people to fire them after orders from the national command authority. [Isn't that a relief?!?!?!]

After a 2007 incident when active nuclear missiles were carried by mistake on bombers from Minot, N.D., to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana, security and handling procedures were improved, according to a Congressional Research Service (CRS) report published in June. [You have to wonder why NO ONE followed the procedures already in place (and why they needed to be "improved")!!!]

Government studies after the mishap found that nuclear forces “had been allowed to atrophy, with evident declines in morale, cohesion, and capability,” the CRS report said. [That certainly instills confidence!!!]  

(more from Dr. Strangelove)

As recently as May, press reports revealed “new concerns about the capabilities and morale of ICBM launch officers,” the report said, noting that the Air Force removed 17 launch officers from duty and sent them for new training. [And now the second in command at STRATCOM gets busted for using counterfeit poker chips at the local casino!!!]

Naval strategic nuclear forces also are systems that can fire nuclear missiles rapidly and normally eight to 10 missile submarines remain on regular patrols in both the Atlantic and Pacific. [Let's hope they don't fire them too "rapidly"!!!]

U.S. strategic bombers also are ready for fast deployment. Two B-52s conducted simulated nuclear strikes near North Korea during exercises in March in response to heightened threats and rhetoric by the communist regime in Pyongyang. [Speaking of poker, we'll see you Kim Jong-un and raise the ante!!!]

According to Stratcom commander Gen. C. Robert Kehler, 60 percent of Stratcom’s force is made up of civilians. [So, all those civilian jobs are non-essential???]

Details on the impact of the shutdown on strategic nuclear force personnel were not immediately available. [As if "details" will ever be available.]

(Read the rest of the article at http://freebeacon.com/nukes-deemed-essential/)

NUKES... Fail and the whole world fails with you!!!

Rachel Maddow (part of the remaining "free" press) gives us the low down on what's up with our nation's nuclear arsenal and the people tasked with keeping those weapons absolutely safe and secure. Ever get a "D" in school???  Well, it's not the kind of grade you want somebody getting in nuclear weapons handling!!! Perhaps the Air Force should start using a Pass/Fail grading system...

 

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here is the transcript of Rachel going nuclear on the Air Force's academic failures:

>>> okay, the nuclear football is the presidential brief case that has its own 24-hour military escort who follows the president around everywhere. if president obama ever wanted to unleash nuclear warfare, he would turn to that military escort, open up the nuclear football brief case thingy, give the command, to launch the world-altering nuclear bomb or missile. if president obama ever decided to do that, said missile could very well be launched from here, lovely north dakota. if you are lucky enough to be a part of the air force's missile wing in north dakota, part of your job is storing and maintaining and ultimately being ready to launch the inter-continental ballistic missile. the ones who take care of those nuclear missiles are at the arrest force base in great falls, montana, and cheyenne, wyoming. those are the three spots, we built them by the thousands to point at the soviet union back in the day, while the soviet union built thousands of their own to point back at us. they may not still seem like the most pressing national security priority anymore now that the soviet union does not exist, but we never got rid of these things. and with hundreds of them still around and ready to go, somebody has got to keep them around and ready to go. they have got to be cleaned and maintained and kept track of. and occasionally moved around the country. so we employ u.s. air force personnel to take care of that. on august 29th, 2007, one of the air force's weapons handling team at minot, north dakota, was tasked with the de-commissioned nuclear weapons down to their base in louisiana. the missiles were not supposed to be shipped with their live nuclear war heads, the war head part was supposed to be taken have you the missiles and replaced with dummy weight for balance. but in august, 2007, instead of picking up the missiles with the dummy weights on them, the minot crew did not see what they were supposed to be doing. they didn't follow the procedures they were supposed to be following. and oh, yes, accidentally, without meaning to, without knowing that they had done it, they loaded onto that louisiana-bound air force bomber six missiles tipped with live nuclear war heads. half a dozen nuclear war heads, each with roughly the capacity to cause hiroshima times ten were sent up into the air on a cross-country domestic american flight without anybody knowing they were there. happily the plane had no trouble in flight. and because nobody knew to worry about the -- you know, beast, it just seemed like a normal flight, that b-52 and the six live missiles sat unguarded on the tarmac for nine hours after the plane landed before the ground crew realized they had accidentally become a nuclear-armed out post without clearance and without anybody following the procedures you need to follow to protect the nuclear weapons. well, in the wake of that incident in 2007, the secretary of the air force and the chief of staff both lost their jobs, as did a number of low level commanders. minot had a number of its nuclear operations suspended. and when they first tried to win back the nuclear weapons, minot did not help out when they failed their inspections. elsewhere, they failed the inspection in 2008, which was the year after the accidentally flying the bombs to the louisiana thing, they failed inspection in 2008 and in 2010, and they failed again, another nuclear inspection. in minot, they did win back the right to handle the nuclear weapons, once they accidentally lost them in shreveport, they earned the equivalent of a d letter grade, which you remember from school is not failure but really is not good. after that d-grade inspection, the deputy commander of minot's operations group complained publicly that the united states was suffering from a rot in the nuclear weapons handling force. that was his word. rot. 17 officers removed from launch control duty. they were temporarily stripped of their authority to launch number weapons. then in june, the air force relieved from duty the commander in charge of framing the nuclear crew at minot, and now, this week, it is the base in montana that is reportedly failing again. it is one thing to be a part of something that does not matter. if we screw up in cable news, or fishing or something, that is bad. but not the end of the world. handling nuclear weapons is something that you just can't keep failing at. but we do. the chairman of the armed services committee had a spokesperson give a statement for him after this latest failure saying "two troubling inspections in a row at two different missile wings is unacceptable." but what does he say the solution is to this unacceptable problem? he says the air force should recommission itself from the top down to a new mission. and ensure a daily focus on the military mission to our nation's security. refocus on the centrality of that mission? really? how central is it? the idea if we could focus on how central the power of nuclear bombs is to our everyday national security now. yeah, why can't we just wake up every morning, knowing it is our nuclear bombs, our hair-trigger nuclear missiles pointed at the soviet union that are central to american national security in this century, today. either we convince ourselves of that and hope that minot becomes the new a-game top of the class performers in the u.s. military because everybody is so psyched that military bombs are the future of the security, that may start to have a conversation about just not having quite so many of these bombs laying around to baby-sit anymore. when your nuclear weapons handlers are failing consistently, something really needs to change. there is a lot of places that can endure failure, nuclear weapons handling is not one of those areas. that does it for us, we'll see you again tomorrow night. now it is time for "the last word" with lawrence o'donnell,

Organic Plutonium: Get it while it's HOT!

If you've had problems sourcing organic Plutonium lately, have no fear.  There might still be some cans left on the shelves at The Black Hole, Los Alamos, New Mexico.  Granted, now that The Black Hole's proprietor, Ed Grothus, is no longer with us - rest in peace Ed - many of Ed's signature items are hard to come by.

The 8 ounce size Organic Plutonium was always a HOT item.  People from many countries, including Iran, North Korea, Myanmar, Israel and Brazil used to come asking for Ed's signature Organic Plutonium.

Organic Plutonium is fat free, wheat free, dairy free, GMO free, zero calories, vegan, no artificial colors or flavors, AND no sugar added.  Hmmmm Good!!!  And HOT!!!  What's more, it contains 14.0726918 nutritious Curies of radiation.  Yum!

 

Don't see a "use by" date on the can?  No worries!  The Plutonium 239, just like the stuff used in those thermonuclear warheads, has a half life of 24,000 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It will keep forever.  Now that's shelf life! 

Note to people with nut allergies: This product is made in facilities run by a bunch of nuts.

For Christmas, 1996, Ed sent a can marked ORGANIC PLUTONIUM to then-President Clinton. “In his letter to the President, Ed said ‘If you eat this, you’ll walk with a halo’,” says Ed. “‘If you feed some to Socks [Clinton's cat], the cat’ll walk with a halo.’” The Secret Service was not amused, and — as Ed commemorates in a newspaper clipping he proudly displayed near his front desk — they showed up to “see if there was any insanity in my family.”

Those of us who work in the nuclear weapons abolition business know where the real nuts are!!!

Wondering whether Organic Plutonium is safe for human consumption???  Don't worry!  The U.S. government began testing Plutonium on human subjects in 1945, and continued its testing into the 1970s.  From pregnant women to developmentally disabled children, the government tested Plutonium on a wide range of subjects.  That's our tax dollars hard at work!?!?!?

So stock up on some Organic Plutonium today.  There just might be a few cans left if the folks from the Nunn-Lugar Cooperative Threat Reduction (CTR) Program didn't get there first.

Be sure to check Groupon.com for a coupon good for 20 percent off your first can.

OMG! The Hendersons have the BOMB!!!

Here's something from that Pacific Northwest cartoon genius, Gary Larson, who just happened to draw a few dynamite cartoons about things of a nuclear nature.  This one needs no additional words to convey its message.  Isn't that the brilliance of a great cartoon???

UN Security Council Vows No Nuclear Attack on Mongolia

On Monday, the five permanent members (P5) of the UN Security Council reaffirmed their promise not to attack Mongolia with nuclear weapons.

Mongolia was relieved to hear the news.

In an official statement the Mongolian Prime Minister, Norovyn Altankhuyag, said, "This is an auspicious day.  Today, Mongolians can temporarily stop digging bomb shelters and get back to useful, life-sustaining work.  We are grateful to the five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council for recognizing and agreeing to respect Mongolia's nuclear-weapon-free status."

In separate remarks the Prime Minister said that he is very concerned about the Unites States' increasing military presence in the Asia-Pacific region and what this could mean for the security of Asian nations.  He stated that his concern stems from the increasing tensions between the U.S. and China, as well as Russia, and the continued deployment of nuclear weapons by all three nations.  "Being squeezed between China and Russia, we may need to re-start digging those bomb shelters one day soon."

Representatives at the UN Security Council vote [not to nuke Mongolia] in New York
(Lucas Jackson/Courtesy Reuters).


Subsequent to the vote in the Security Council it was learned that the U.S. Representative to the Security Council was initially reluctant to vote for reaffirmation, but after finally reading a copy of The Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons became convinced it was the appropriate course of action.

The Mongolian Prime Minister was overheard in a conversation with the Permanent Representative of Mongolia to the United Nations saying "Only idiots would spend all that money on nuclear weapons."  When asked about whom the Prime Minister was speaking, an aide confirmed that he was referring to the United States.  The aide added that "the U.S. has spent hundreds or perhaps thousands of times our nation's GNP, not to mention our defense budget, building up its nuclear weapons infrastructure and refurbishing its nuclear weapons in recent years. That's alot of Yaks."

According to the latest Military Balance, Mongolia has a defense budget of $38 million and an active-duty military comprising 8,900 army, 800 air force, and 800 construction troops. As the CIA notes, “There is no navy... and a snowball's chance in hell of even thinking about developing nuclear weapons."

On Tuesday, the five permanent members of the UN Security Council are scheduled to meet againg, this time to reaffirm their promise not to attack Lichtenstein with nuclear weapons.

###

Original source article URLs:
1) http://blogs.cfr.org/zenko/2012/09/19/un-security-council-vows-no-nuclear-attack-on-mongolia/
2) http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2012/09/197873.htm

Government hires peace activists to test nuclear security

A group of peace activists has received a rare contract with the U.S. government to test security at nuclear installations around the country.

The U.S. National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) announced that it has entered into a contract with a newly established security firm for testing the security of the nation's nuclear weapons infrastructure.

The group, calling itself Isaiah's Investigators (II), was recently established by a consortium of Plowshares activists from around the country.  No articles of incorporation were found in the public records.

Operatives from II will make unannounced incursions into any of the eight facilities, including three national laboratories, that make up the nation's nuclear security enterprise.  Findings based on their incursions will be used to improve security at each facility, ensuring the safety and security of the nation's nuclear weapons and nuclear weapons materials.

When asked about the seemingly odd nature of such a company engaging in this line of work, company spokesperson William "Bix" Bichsel, a Jesuit priest, spoke from II's headquarters at the Tacoma Catholic Worker in Washington State.  "Well, it's really not such a stretch.  You see... we've got more experience doing this sort of thing than anyone in the government.  Our staff has decades of collective experience in this line of work.  And we do it well.  I think our record speaks for itself."

Bichsel, at 84 years old, is not the only octogenarian on II's staff, while the youngest member is 57.  When asked whether there was any concern about the age of the workforce at II, an NNSA spokesperson, who asked not to be named, said that the NNSA does not discriminate in any way based on age, sex or race.  "I've read dozens of reports of these people's activities, and they are darned good at what they do.  There is no question about their ability to get the job done.  They run circles around any government agency charged with this kind of task."

(from left) II founders Crane, Greenwald, Montgomery, Kelly & Bichsel

Susan Crane, who coordinates Human Resources for II, was asked about hiring practices at the company.  " We don't hire per se, although we're very selective in our screening process.  We thoroughly review each applicant's history.  We look for people with multiple felonies; a high recidivism rate is a plus.  And, of course we look at the specific type of actions in which they have been involved.  We like to think of II as more of a community than a company."

When pressed for examples, Crane described the histories of a number of current employees.   She, herself, has a long history of Plowshares actions.  Her most recent action, along with Bichsel, Lynne Greenwald, Steve Kelly and Anne Montgomery, was an incursion into the Strategic Weapons Facility, Pacific at the Bangor Trident Base in 2009.  Crane, Kelly and Greenwald are all in their 60s.  Montgomery, an ex officio member of the staff in her 80s (and a Catholic nun), is also qualified in aquatic operations.  Years ago, at the age of 62, Montgomery climbed up onto a Trident ballistic missile submarine at Groton, Connecticut.

Three new members recently joined the staff at II.  Megan Rice (82), also a nun, Michael Walli (63) and Greg Boertje-Obed (57) engaged in a daring pre-dawn incursion deep into the Oak Ridge Y-12 Nuclear facility on July 28, 2012.  All three reached the Highly Enriched Uranium Materials Facility (HEUMF), one of the most high security facilities in the nation .  They were able to spray paint messages on the walls and tie crime scene tape to the facility before being detected.

Newest members of II, Walli, Rice and Obed

Bichsel described the company operations as "very egalitarian."  Company operative Steve Kelly, whose whereabouts are currently unknown, spoke by cell phone describing the decision making process.  "We all sit together, talk, and listen to each other.  It's a very respectful and organic process in which we each enter into a deep process of discernment, and sooner or later we come to a consensus.  Then the planning begins.  I think our previous actions speak well to our capabilities."

Kelly's extraordinary discipline is renowned.  Also a Jesuit, he once spent nearly 15 months mastering the art of solitary confinement.  Kelly also conducts regular yoga sessions to help the staff stay centered and be physically prepared for the rigors of incursions into high security facilities that can take hours and involve cutting fences and long cross-country treks.

Company strategist Rice was asked if there are plans to expand operations internationally.  "Well, that's an intriguing question.  There are some wonderful, talented Plowshares activists in other parts of the world.  It would be a great opportunity to work with our brothers and sisters in so many other parts of the world, such as England, Scotland, Ireland, New Zealand, Australia... oh, just imagine the possibilities."

Asked about the company's long-term prospects, Greenwald said, "Oh, rest assured that we're serious about our work.  With current U.S. nuclear weapons policies and the continuing buildup of the nation's nuclear weapons infrastructure, we aren't going away anytime soon.  We're in this for the long haul. You might say this is our retirement plan."

When asked if the Navy and Air Force plan to contract with II to test security at military nuclear weapons installations a Pentagon spokesperson, who asked not to be named would only say that "I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons at any U.S. military installation."

When asked what benefits are included in II's employment package, Bichsel smiled and said "...well, you might say the benefits come after our work here is done.  We're certainly not in it for the money."
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OKAY!!!  You've hopefully figured this one out by now, if not after reading the first paragraph.  That being said, these people really are pros, and they put their hearts and souls into the good work of turning swords into plowshares in the best tradition of the Plowshares movement.  And they really have put the security of the nations nuclear weapons facilities to the test, even though that was not their purpose.

Trident: Circumcision or...

All right Friends,

I know, I know!!!  You're all thinking I've gone off the deep end, and the censors should be called in right about now.  But wait; this is all very much on the up and up.  It seems that just maybe we in the U.S. can learn a thing or two about how to get a discussion going about nuclear weapons - Trident in this particular case.

I'm referring to Willard Foxton's article in the Huffington Post titled "Is it Time for Britain's Nuclear Circumcision?"  You certainly won't see an article - at least we haven't yet - with that kind of title authored by anyone here in the Colonies... er, States.

I love this guy; it's like we're kindred spirits.  He starts off by saying, "Sometimes, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills."  I know just how he feels!  He also refers to himself as a "Feminist, Multiculturalist Tory."  That just has to be good.   But I digress... He continues: 

I seem to be one of the only people who has noticed that amid the biggest financial crisis in a generation, parliament has just insouciantly waved through £350 million on some drawings of some new submarines. Maybe I'm being unfair - maybe there will also be scale models to sit on an admiral's desk too, maybe even a Troy Tempest uniform for Nick Clegg to dress up in - but it still seems like a hell of a lot of money.

Of course, this £350 million quid is just a down-payment - the start of the whole bloated nightmare of the hooting defence procurement panjandrum. Now that we've paid out £350 million quid on sci-fi submarine drawings, any attempt to now withdraw from this commitment will be met with a round chorus of boos and hisses about wasted money.

There is almost literally no political debate on this issue, which I find astounding. I mean, I understand why, in narrow, party political terms.

But wait!  It keeps getting better. Foxton comes up with a new corporate moniker for BAE Systems the folks who make a killing on the British Trident whether or not it ever fires off a nuke: Ocean Going Holocaust Delivery Mechanism Manufacturers Inc.

Still, this is a big deal - we are not only putting a truly vast sum of money at stake - the defence contractors estimate £25 billion, so we can assume at least three times that, 10 years late - we are also binding ourselves into a strategic commitment to maintaining not just a nuclear arsenal, but to a uniquely cold-war era one, based around submarine launched ballistic missiles.

The question someone in parliament - be they a pinko, dope-smoking commie-coddling lefty pacifist, or an austerity loving, state-hating, swivel eyed right winger - should be asking is "Would Britain in the mid-21st century become a significantly less safe place if we possessed different, cheaper nuclear weapons?"

Even if you leave aside the moral arguments around nuclear weapons - and I'm sure BAE Systems Submarine Solutions, unlikely to rebrand any time as Ocean Going Holocaust Delivery Mechanism Manufacturers Inc any time soon - would like us to, there are compelling practical arguments for a different kind of weapons system. A real public argument around what form our should take deterrent, or indeed, whether we should have one at all, and about defence generally, is badly needed.

If you look around, and ask the forbidden question, "what are the plausible threats to Britain?", the Trident system becomes increasingly suspect.

Does it stop Terrorism? Do nuclear weapons deter that? Where are we going to fire a Trident in retaliation for a terrorist attack? Mecca? Belfast? Bradford?

Then, Foxton takes up the age old question of "deterrence."  And he asks all the right questions, including what's up with Britain's reliance on the U.S.???  But he really hits the nail on the head when he asks how deterrence will work with rogue states like Iran or France!!!

Is it a deterrent to rising powers like China or Russia? If Britain were to stand alone in a showdown with nukes on the table, it would be doomed. The UK's security against big power aggression must depend on our alliance with the USA. It's hard to swallow but sadly true - and in any case, the trident system is totally reliant on US technology, expertise and support, so any idea it is an "independent deterrent" is sadly flawed.

Of course, there is a real threat that could be deterred from rogue states like Iran or France. But we must ask ourselves the question, is a ballistic missile system the best answer for that? There is an important distinction between retaining a some nuclear weapons and none at all.


Are cheaper nuclear cruise missiles fired from cheaper, multirole attack submarines any less deterring? Are they less deterring if the missile is fired from a ship? From a plane? From a really big cannon?

I'd conclude that they are slightly less deterring, but only slightly - there is a slim chance of shooting down a cruise missile, or destroying an aircraft before it launches one. But it ignores the reality that there could be tens or hundreds coming through - it's not a chance I'd bet on, when losing the bet is a whole city and hundreds of thousands of people burned to ashes. It's a gamble someone would only take if they probably wouldn't be deterred by our ballistic missiles anyway.

Foxton really gets it.  And I mean GETS IT!!!  He truly understands the ultimate rational for a nuclear weapons system like Trident (subs, missiles, the whole catastrophe).  And he articulates it in terms that are so beautifully and artfully British.  It is, of course, the "big willy" argument (or "massive willy" as the case may be).  In Foxton's own words:

The arguments deployed for keeping Trident, rather than some other system, are often weak, even laughable. Notably, some worry about trifles like the international legality of cruise missiles - as though a bomb that incinerates hundreds of thousands is fine so long as it drops vertically rather than horizontally. Among those who want to keep Trident, probably the most cited, but least convincing, is what is known in the as the "big willy" argument.

This argues that Britain's influence - our permanent UN security council seat, our trade links, our ability to have David Cameron cheering for Chelsea in the White House situation room - would be in jeopardy if we began dismantling some of our nuclear weapons. This is tragic, 1950s, post-imperial thinking. National security is vital - but having a massive willy to wave in the faces of other leaders is not.

Of course, Foxton keeps the options open when he calls for open discussions about issues of such magnitude as Trident. 

That's not to say there aren't some convincing reasons to have a like-for-like replacement - I just wish we would have those discussions openly, unfettered by weak-kneed short-term political calculations. What we really need is real debate on the topic - personally, I'm sure we can be just as safe if Mr. Cameron decides he can cope with a little circumcision.

As for Foxton's closer, this is the only part of his brilliant essay with which I must vehemently disagree.  From a kosher standpoint circumcision would never be enough for Trident.  The only option I can see for such a horrific, omnicidal weapons system is ________________ (fill in the blank). 

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Read Willard Foxton's full article, Is it Time for Britain's Nuclear Circumcision?, at http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/willard-foxton/britains-nuclear-circumcision_b_1536588.html

U.S. may put nuclear arms in Constitution

N. Korea Puts Nuclear Arms in Constitution - U.S. Could Follow

North Korea identifies itself as a nuclear power in its revised constitution, according to a copy displayed on the country's official web portal.

The revised North Korean constitution includes
the phrase "nuclear power" (underlined in red).

The constitution was revised at last month's meeting of the rubber-stamp Supreme People's Assembly, and the preface details the accomplishments of former leader Kim Jong-il, claiming he changed the North into a "nuclear power and invincible military superpower."

The move has stimulated a heated debate in the U.S. Congress.  Following on the heels of North Korea's announcement, Rep. Joseph Pitts, R-PA, has called for a Constitutional Ammendment declaring the United States a nuclear power.

When asked about his pursuit of such an ammendment Rep. Pitts replied that "if Kim Jong-un wants to publicize the fact that North Korea has nuclear weapons and use them as a bargaining tool just as his father did, we are going to respond, tit for tat.  And besides; we are the world's greates nuclear power.  Why shouldn't that be enshrined in our Constitution?"

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Source of original article used in this fake article: N. Korea Puts Nuclear Arms in Constitution, http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2012/05/31/2012053100646.html

Literature, art, education, and... nuclear weapons???

FINALLY!!!  One of the world's great leaders and visionary thinkers, Dmitry Medvedev, recently articulated the extraordinary depth of his understanding of the intersection of the arts and nuclear weapons (say what?!?!?!).  His audience?  Young people of course!!!  Surely they can understand the monumental importance of maintaining a vast arsenal of nuclear weapons, even while developing a broad appreciation of the arts.  Here's the story.

Before Dmitry Medvedev’s valedictory speech earlier this month, the outgoing president awarded medals to dozens of Russians, including a theatre director, a policewoman and the chairman of the Russian hockey federation (Go Big Red Machine!!!).

Dmitry Medvedev flexing his
artistic muscles

Then, taking the podium in a glittering Kremlin ballroom, Mr Medvedev declared that Russia’s younger generation needed positive role models to inspire them towards “success in literature, art, education, and” – he paused wistfully – “nuclear weapons”. 

“They may still come in handy,” he said, apropos, seemingly, of nothing. “We’re not going to use them, but let’s still keep them around, because we have a big country, a complex country. We must value it and protect it.”

Then, wishing his audience “safe skies”, he signed off.

It was an odd demonstration of the Kremlin’s even odder relationship to its most prized asset – the one thing that still gives Russia its global superpower status: the ability to blow the planet to kingdom come.

Ah... here's to mushroom cloud skies and caviar dreams...

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Editor's Note: The original article that was butchered to create this post can be found at the Financial Times:  http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/2/698334c8-a4d9-11e1-9908-00144feabdc0.html#axzz1w8Zekg3O

Portable baby bomb shelters for the coming apocalypse

This just in from Russia Today!  It's the biggest (or smallest) thing since personal bomb shelters!!!  (And it's for real!!!)

Nuclear-proof cradles to save VIP babies from apocalypse

Russia Today, May 24th

More than 100 capsule cradles aimed at protecting officials' babies from a nuclear blast and chemical or biological attack have been ordered by Russia’s security service.

The $60,000 portable cradles are specially designed for babies from birth to 1.5 years old. Made of special diffusion material, the capsules block poisonous reagents, biological aerosols and radioactive dust.

The capsules will stay hermetic in temperatures ranging from -30C to 40C with at least 18 per cent oxygen content in the air, Izvestia reported.

The babies inside the capsules could survive for up to six hours. The capsules could also be used for cats, dogs, and birds.

The capsule cradles were invented back in 1960 by Soviet military engineers. Now they are produced at a steel factory in Moscow region.

The unusual order comes soon after Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev’s speech at the International Legal Forum in St. Petersburg. The former president pointed out that rapid military operations may result in radical groups overtaking power, regional wars, and even deployment of nuclear arms.

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Editor's Comments:  So what's a baby (or the baby's nuclear nanny) gonna do after SIX hours?!?!?!  Let's go find some radioactive baby formula on the shelves of our local incinerated supermarket.  This is definitely one for the ONE PERCENT!  Anyone interested in setting up a franchise here in the U.S.???

Original article at Russia Today on May 24th: http://www.rt.com/news/prime-time/nuclear-proof-cradles-babies-146/

No Fiats for Iranian nuclear program

This just in from The Boston Globe:

Italian automaker Fiat halts sales to Iran

May 25, 2012   

MILAN—Italian automaker Fiat SpA, which controls Chrysler, said Friday that it and subsidiaries will immediately halt sales to Iran, following similar moves by other carmakers under pressure to cut ties to Tehran over its disputed nuclear program.

The international community has been toughening sanctions on the Islamic Republic -- including on its main cash cow, oil -- because of fears that it plans to build nuclear weapons. Iran says its nuclear program is peaceful.

The auto industry has been under pressure from the anti-nuclear lobby group United Against Nuclear Iran to cut off business dealings with Iran. UANI says that the global auto industry is the second-largest source of foreign currency for the Iranian government, after oil, and also a source of foreign technology.

Some experts have voiced concerns that the Iranian government, desparate to quickly build a successful nuclear device, has been scavenging imported (especially Italian) cars for specialized electronics that could be used in nuclear weapons.

A retired automobile mechanic who specialized in Italian cars said that "with their history of recalls and mechanical problems the Iranian's would be crazy to consider Fiats for anything such as nuclear weapons that depend on reliability.  The only reliable part on these cars is the hood ornament." 

Fiat and heavy-truck maker Fiat Industrial SpA said in separate statements that they "support international efforts for a diplomatic solution" regarding Iran.

One Fiat spokesperson, however, countered the criticism of Fiat. "We have worked hard to build a quality product, and believe that our record of quality-related problems is no different from any other auto company."

A reporter for Al Jazeera, who has spent the last six months in Tehran, said that he has not seen one Fiat on the road in that time. He did, however, document dozens of Fiats in what looked like a wrecking yard adjacent to the Natanz nuclear facility during a visit there in April 2012.

The wrecking yard adjacent to the Natanz nuclear facility (Photo: Al Jazeera)

As to the concern over the possible dual use of automotive parts for nuclear weapons, a Fiat company representative, who asked to remain anonymous, said that the company could neither confirm nor deny such an allegation.

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(Original [the real] article at http://www.boston.com/cars/news/articles/2012/05/25/italian_automaker_fiat_halts_sales_to_iran/)

A Missile in Every Pot.

"At last, we Americans are safe."

Note: Cartoon found at http://www.otherwords.org/media/missile-in-every-pot-cartoon, by Khalil Bendib, November 14, 2011