Trump Executive Order Says "You're Outa Here Big Bird!"

Washington (The Loose Nukes): In what may be his most sweeping executive order yet affecting Freedom of the Press, President Donald Trump has decreed that Fox News will be the only media organization recognized by The White House. 

Trump said it was a pretty tough decision, but concluded that even though Fox has occasionally questioned his decisions, "for the most part they've been pretty good. "I have an ability... I don't watch the lefty fake news networks like NBC anymore. They're as bad as CNN. And you gotta love Fox & Friends... they've got that Ainsley Airhardt; oh, she's a looker, I gotta tell you. It's my favorite show on TV."

The order states that all funds saved by the implementation of his executive order "ENDING TAXPAYER SUBSIDIZATION OF BIASED MEDIA", which revokes all funding currently being received by National Public Radio (NPR) and the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), will be distributed to Fox News, which is well known for its "fair, accurate, unbiased, and nonpartisan news coverage."

Finally, the order allows the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to revoke the broadcast license of any television station if the president becomes displeased with their coverage. 

“We don’t have a Free and Fair ‘Press’ in this Country anymore,” Trump wrote in a recent post. “We have a Press that writes BAD STORIES, and CHEATS, BIG, ON POLLS. IT IS COMPROMISED AND CORRUPT. SAD!

Although not explicitly stated in the executive order, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced that Fox News personnel will be assigned the entire first two rows in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room, traditionally reserved for the most prominent news organizations.

In response to a question by a Washington Post reporter about what it will take for reporters to earn the President's respect, Leavitt retorted that "if media outlets don't bend the knee"... "they will lose big time. Any more questions?"

END NOTE: OK, so the executive order doesn't go quite as far as this fake story would have you believe - that is if you believe much of what you read on the internet - but it is not so far off when you consider how far the U.S. is sliding down the slippery slope into the fascist abyss. Beware my friends... remember that old saying: "First they came for Big Bird..."

REFERENCES

Executive Order: ENDING TAXPAYER SUBSIDIZATION OF BIASED MEDIA; THE WHITE HOUSE, MAY 1, 2025; https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/05/ending-taxpayer-subsidization-of-biased-media/

USA: Trump verbally attacked the media more than 100 times in run-up to election; Reporters Without Borders; November 25, 2024; https://rsf.org/en/usa-trump-verbally-attacked-media-more-100-times-run-election 

100 DAYS OF HOAXES: Cutting Through the Fake News; The White House; April 29, 2025: https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/04/100-days-of-hoaxes-cutting-through-the-fake-news/

How a Professional Bully Is Winning Control of the Media; Common Dreams; April 25, 2025; https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/trump-controls-media?  

April 29, 2025

Trump Declares "WHITE" the official color of the United States

Washington (The Loose Nukes): Earlier today, President Donald Trump signed an executive order declaring “white” to be the official color of the United States of America.

Trump's order directs Federal government agencies to erase all color from documents, images, and anything else that might be disseminated to the public. He also announced new labelling standards to be written and enforced by the newly-formed Department of Labelling.

The order directs that every organization and business must follow the same guidelines as Federal agencies, and to recall all products containing any colors other than white. Any entity that disobeys the executive order will be shuttered, and its assets sold off at auction, the proceeds being transferred to the Department of Government Efficiency.

Crayola LLC, known for its iconic Crayola Crayons, responded immediately to Trump's demands, issuing a set of crayons with only the color white, and with new and government-approved labelling. They recalled all earlier crayons, and retailers have been scrambling to get the products off their shelves to make room for the white crayons.

Countless legal scholars have expressed confusion about the latest executive order, and some have questioned whether it could be interpreted as requiring the removal, or even deportation, of any employees who are not "white". The White House refused to respond to this question, and both Trump and Musk have been surprisingly silent about the topic on social media.

The executive order has raised a new discussion and debate about “color”, and its meaning.

A Washington, D.C.-based designer, specializing in color theory, reflected on the complex physics of color: "Sunlight contains colors at all wavelengths. All these wavelengths together make white light. When that white light hits an object, we perceive that object's color as the colors that reflect from the object. We see a white object when the object reflects color at all wavelengths. As a result, white is the absence of color for how we see the object, but not for the light itself, which contains all colors."

When asked to interpret that explanation for laypeople, he said, “In other words, whiteness cannot exist without all the colors of the Rainbow. This is something Trump will never understand. And, he has no idea of the stupidity of his actions. Next, they will be banning all colored paper and colored ink, and the ultimate result will be that we won't be able to see or read anything because it's all white. But hey, maybe that is what they want.”

Vanguard class submarine transforms into giant Chia pet after recordbreaking six-month patrol

Scotland (The Loose Nukes): A Royal Navy ballistic missile submarine has just completed a record-breaking tour of over half a year at sea. The primary purpose of the extended patrol, in addition to better understanding how the crew could get along for so long without a decent shower, was to determine whether ballistic missile submarines could grow a coating of plant-based material on their hulls in order to lower their acoustic signature while at sea, thereby reducing the probability of detection by an unfriendly nation.

The Times reported that an unidentified submarine was spotted “encrusted with barnacles and covered in slime and a very high density of Chia sprouts” upon its recent return to the Faslane naval base in Scotland. The paper said the vessel was at sea for a patrol in excess of six months.

A statement made by the Royal Navy added that Deputy Prime Minister Oliver Dowden was in Scotland to welcome the submariners home. Dowden brought along his Chia Pet, fondly named “Holbrook,” after the British thermonuclear warhead fitted on the Trident II missiles deployed on Vanguard submarines.

Only two of Britain’s four Vanguard-class submarines – HMS Vigilant and HMS Vengeance – are currently deemed sea-worthy. The fleet’s first-in-class, HMS Vanguard, returned to Faslane this year after more than seven years undergoing maintenance, but will not be mission-ready until 2024. The fourth vessel, HMS Victorious, has been waiting to undergo its own maintenance following an onboard fire last year and has only just arrived at the Devonport dockyard in Plymouth.

Last year, it was reported that the lack of available Vanguard-class submarines meant crews were increasingly serving tours in excess of 150 days and being ordered to apply deodorant far more than should be required. By comparison, the average patrol on the previous generation of nuclear vessels rarely exceeded 60-70 days.

An unidentified source inside the Ministry of Defence (MOD) told The Times that researchers stumbled upon Chia sprouts as a new method of lowering submarine's noise profile when a researcher started sprouting seeds in the laboratory to use in their sandwiches. Subsequent laboratory experiments demonstrated that a high-density coating of Chia sprouts effectively breaks up sound waves that bounce against the hull more effectively than the rubber tiles currently in use. 

In addition to concerns about the state of the vessels, there have also been concerns about the impact these extended tours have on crew discipline, morale, and psychological wellbeing. The Royal Navy has already opened an investigation into claims by female submariners working on Vanguard-class subs of sexual abuse and bullying by male colleagues and senior officers, and a former UK submarine commander has warned of risks to sailors.

CND General Secretary Kate Hudson passed off the Chia seed experiment as a cheap publicity stunt intended to divert attention from the serious problems faced by the Trident nuclear weapon system. “It’s extremely irresponsible of the British government and Royal Navy to expose crews to these conditions [essentially trapped in slimy, Chia-infested deathtraps]: not only to such lengths of time away from friends and family, but in vessels that are becoming increasingly unseaworthy and smelly. Clearly Britain is struggling to maintain its nuclear weapons safely. That is already potentially catastrophically dangerous without the added risks of malfunctioning equipment or personal error as a result of overtired and stressed staff. This whole [Chia] project is just a colossal waste of time and resources. The government must come to its senses and call time on its nuclear weapons programme, scrap its replacement, and instead invest in rebuilding our public services.” 

Chia Pets are American styled terracotta figurines used to sprout chia, where the chia sprouts grow within a couple of weeks to resemble the animal's fur or hair. Moistened chia seeds (Salvia hispanica) are applied to a grooved terracotta figurine. A range of generic animals has been produced, including a turtle, pig, puppy, kitten, frog, and hippopotamus. Cartoon characters have also been licensed, including Garfield, Scooby-Doo, Looney Tunes, Shrek, The Simpsons, and SpongeBob. Additionally, there are Chia Pets depicting real people, including Barack Obama and Donald Trump. 

Author's Note: Thanks to Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND) for inspiring this satirical piece of pseudo-journalism, and for much of the information plagiarized herein.

South Korea Could Have It's Own Boomer

Seoul, South Korea (The Loose Nukes): Republic of Korea (ROK) President Yoon Suk Yeol and First Lady of the Republic of Korea Kim Keon Hee recently kicked the tires on one of the US Navy's aging OHIO Class “Trident” submarines in anticipation of possibly purchasing one of the soon to be retired ballistic missile submarines for their own nation.

The Ohio-class ballistic-missile submarine USS Kentucky (SSBN 737) was on a port visit in Busan, South Korea on July 19, 2023 to not only demonstrate the United States’ ironclad commitment to the (ROK) for its extended deterrence guarantee, but to also give the President and First Lady a chance to tour and test drive a fully functioning ballistic missile submarine. A secondary purpose was to scare the pants off of President of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea Kim Jong Un.

ROK First Lady Kim Keon Hee checking out North Korea.

The 14 OHIO Class submarines currently in service, which represent the US Navy's kick-ass nuclear deterrent force, are scheduled to be replaced by the new and improved Columbia Class, which is slated to begin entering service in 2031. As the aging OHIO Class boats are taken out of service there will be a tremendous opportunity for countries like South Korea to have their very own nuclear deterrent and no longer need to rely on the US nuclear umbrella. It will also provide an opportunity for the US Navy to make some extra cash to keep building all the ships on its wish list.

Besides the deterrence aspect of owning your own ballistic missile submarine, there is also the major prestige factor of owning a vessel capable of incinerating an entire continent with the full complement Trident II D5 missiles loaded with a the maximum number of thermonuclear warheads.

"Ballistic missile submarines (SSBNs) are the most powerful nuclear assets in the world," said Park Won Gon, professor at Ewha Womans University in Seoul. "North Korea's solid-fuel Hwasong-18 ICBM is no match to the SSBN. … North Korea is going to realize the imbalance between its nuclear capabilities and the U.S.'" After those comments, Park was overheard saying, “If Kim messes with us he will be toast.”

During the guided tour of the Kentucky the first couple viewed the missile compartment and they were blown away by the explanation of the Trident missile's capabilities, and nearly choked on their lunch with the realization that even after incinerating all of North Korea in a first strike (which is what Trident is designed for), they would still have plenty of missiles left to deal with China should the need arise.

The couple was assured by U.S. National Security Council Coordinator for Indo-Pacific Affairs Kurt Campbell that the United States is committed to strengthening the ROK to meet its sovereign self-defense needs and to improve its capabilities to operate with U.S. forces to address shared security challenges. At the inaugural meeting of the long-lauded US-ROK Nuclear Consultative Group (NCG), coinciding with the Kentucky's port call, Campbell stated that the US is committed to ensure that the ROK is prepared to show Kim Jong Un who's boss on the Korean peninsula.

When President Yoon asked about the potential price tag, a representative of the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of Political-Military Affairs assured him that he would be getting a huge price break, and that the Arms Export Control Act (AECA), as amended [22 U.S.C. 2751, et. seq.], authorizes the President to finance procurement of defense articles and services for foreign countries and international organizations. Foreign Military Financing (FMF) may be provided to a partner nation on either a grant (non-repayable) or direct loan basis.

The commanding officer of the Kentucky, Lee Fake (Gold crew), assured President Yoon that prior to purchase, their submarine would receive a thorough overhaul, including reactor refueling.

When asked how he felt about the prospect of owning his very own ballistic missile submarine bristling withorth enough thermonuclear firepower to start World War III, President Yoon retorted, “How can one put a vualue on such a treasure as ultimate nuclear deterrence? I am humbled, and at the same time somewhat agiddy, at the thought of such power.”

Disclaimer/Fine Print/etc: Although most of what is written in this post is true, the ROK first couple did not test drive an OHIO Class submarine, nor do they intend to purchase one for their country (as far as this journalist is aware).

New revelations question previous narratives explaining responsibility for Nord Stream bombing

Sweden (The Loose Nukes): The New York Times has reported that new intelligence reviewed by U.S. officials suggests that a pro-Ukrainian group may have carried out the attack on the Nord Stream pipelines last year.

More recently, intelligence disclosed to The Loose Nukes by unnamed sources reveal that the Nord Stream sabotage may have been conducted by an elite team of canine mercenaries comprised of specially trained Golden Retrievers. It's still unclear whether the team was made up of mercenaries or whether they were working directly for a particular government.

A spokesperson for the Humane Society International, who wished to remain anonymous, said that this disclosure is of great concern to animal rights advocates, and that it is unconscionable that anyone would put animals who don't even have opposable thumbs into such a dangerous situation as one involving high explosives.

It is suspected that the canine underwater demolition team was trained at a secret facility disguised as an animal rescue facility, possibly in a Scandinavian country.

A laboratory is currently analyzing residue from rawhide dog treats found on a beach at a Swedish nudist colony to determine their country of origin. Investigators hope to find other evidence as they comb that site.

The disclosure of the seagoing canines might constitute the first significant lead to emerge from several closely guarded investigations by numerous governments, the conclusions of which could have profound implications for the coalition supporting Ukraine.

Although some have pointed to the United States as being responsible for the bombing, this new finding, if confirmed, would refute that theory since it appears that the Canine divers are far more advanced than any US military specialist teams that would be capable of this kind of operation.

The U.S. Navy has employed marine mammals for decades in any number of roles.

In 1990, the New York Times reported that former Navy trainers had told them dolphins were being taught "to kill enemy divers with nose-mounted guns and explosives," a charge denied by a Navy spokesman.

And in 2000, the BBC reported that Soviet-trained dolphins and other marine mammals were being trained by Russian experts to attack enemy warships and divers. "They could also undertake kamikaze strikes against enemy shipping carrying mines that would explode a ship on contact with its hull."

When asked about the use of dogs for such sophisticated activities as those involving planting explosives, an applied animal behaviorist, who wished to remain anonymous, said that dogs such as retrievers are capable of learning a vast array of skills and are excellent swimmers. 

The expert also theorized that dolphins, because of their large and complex brains, may have decided to resist taking part in any activity involving harming other beings or infrastructure. In that case, she said, the Navy might find another animal that would be less likely to question orders, and retrievers would fit this category.

For now, the quest to find the culprits of the Nord Stream attack continues. Mats Ljungqvist, a senior prosecutor leading Sweden’s investigation and member of the Kariskrona Nudist Colony, told The New York Times late last month that his country’s hunt for the perpetrators was continuing.

“It’s my job to find those who blew up Nord Stream. To help me, I have our country’s Security Service,” Mr. Ljungqvist said. “Do I think it was dogs that blew up Nord Stream? I never thought so. It’s not logical. But... you have to be open to all possibilities.”

Biden: "The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming!!!"

President Biden has been become increasingly frustrated that the American people are not taking him seriously when he warns (every day) that the Russians could invade Ukraine at any moment. To demonstrate how imminent the threat is, The White House is arranging a national virtual screening of the 1966 movie "The Russians are Coming."

Biden said in today's news conference that, "People watch the news every day seeing those Russian tanks driving really fast in the snow thinking, wow that looks so cool; don't they get it? This is real folks; they're ready to go at any moment. They got em surrounded! Bang, Bang; game over! This film will sober them up."

Speaking to the question of whether the film screening is a form of inflammatory, pro-war propaganda, Biden retorted, "Come on! This film gets right to it folks; the Russians have done this before, and they will try again. We've got to be strong against the aggressor. We're just protecting freedom like we always do."

Corporate media outlets' initial response to the Biden administration's request was positive. A spokesperson for NBC who was not yet born when the film was first shown in theaters said, "Wow, this looks like a great documentary; why wasn't it nominated for an Academy Award back in its time?"

A number of white nationalist militia groups have been showing excitement over the film screening. A member of The Proud Boys said, "If you thought January 6th was an opportunity for recruitment and radicalization action, this film could push all that way over the top. This is the ultimate vigilantism at its best; the heroes portrayed in this drama are just everyday Americans like me who love their country just the way it once was."

Since The White House announcement, submarine sightings on both the Pacific and Atlantic coasts, as well as on the Great Lakes, have soared, clogging 911 emergency call centers around the country. 

In Washington State, white vigilantes mistook an OHIO Class "Trident" ballistic missile submarine docked at Naval Base Kitsap Bangor on Hood Canal for a Russian submarine and attempted to board it from their small recreational fishing boat. They were stopped by Naval security personnel well before reaching the vessel. One vigilante, when asked how they could make such a mistake, said, "Heck, all submarines look the same to me. I don't know how we're supposed to tell a Roosky from an American sub."

Check your local Fox Network station for broadcast times for "The Russians Are Coming."

My Button's Bigger Than Yours!

 WASHINGTON (The Loose Nukes) – A former Trump White House staffer, who wished to remain anonymous, has revealed that Trump had “no clue about anything related to nuclear weapons.” 

As an anxious nation, and the corporations making tons of money from the US Government's addiction to nuclear weapons, await the release of the 2022 Nuclear Posture Review - the legislatively-mandated review that establishes U.S. nuclear policy, strategy, capabilities and force posture - the unnamed staffer just couldn't hold this information in any more.

In an interview with the staffer, who had regular contact with the former president, just a day after the release of the 2018 Nuclear Posture Review, President Donald Trump expressed outrage that there was no mention of his “nuclear button.” Unnamed White House sources said the President “went ballistic” when he learned about the omission, asking how “Rocket Man” would take the U.S. nuclear threat seriously if he didn't think the United States has a nuclear button, and a much bigger one at that.

In January 2018 Trump said that the nuclear launch button on his desk is "much bigger" and "more powerful" than that of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un – and that his button actually "works." Trump went on to say that, “North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the 'Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times,'" Trump tweeted. "Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!"

Trump was shocked when Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis informed him that no such nuclear button exists, and gave him a tutorial on the infamous “nuclear football,” which allows the president to transmit the orders to launch nuclear weapons and destroy all of humanity. Trump was dumbfounded; “you mean that guy in uniform following me around everywhere with that really big leather briefcase? By the way, is that real leather or faux leather? I don't care for faux leather; it's cheap; faux leather is for losers.”    

The President immediately ordered Mattis to have a nuclear button installed on his desk. Trump is rumored to have said, “I don't care about codes. Who needs codes? What's the deal with that? And that guy sitting outside my bedroom all night with that briefcase chained to his wrist really creeps me out.” 

Fortunately for the citizens of the US Thermonuclear Monarchy, former President Trump, was never given the opportunity to try out the real “nuclear button.” The nation awaits yet another Nuclear Posture Review, and although President Biden seems like a reasonably stable individual... well, you never know!

US pulls out of the United Nations; No one notices

UNITED NATIONS, June 25, 2018 (The Loose Nukes) -- UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres regretted the withdrawal of the United States from the United Nations, said his spokesman earlier today.

"The secretary-general would have preferred for the United States to remain in the global body," said Stephane Dujarric, the spokesman, in a note to correspondents. "The United Nations came into being in 1945, following the devastation of the Second World War, with one central mission: the maintenance of international peace and security. The UN also promotes and protects human rights, promotes sustainable development, and upholds international law. The support of the US working for these goals, rather than against them, would be a huge boost for the UN."

The remarks came shortly after U.S. Permanent Representative to the United Nations Nikki Haley announced in Washington that the United States is officially withdrawing from the UN. The message was met by a standing ovation on the floor of the General Assembly, where 192 member states - the US was conspicuously absent - were convened. The session resumed without any more mention of the US.

U.S. President Donald Donald Trump spoke of his decision, saying, “The United Nations has such great potential but right now it is just a club for people to get together, talk and have a good time. So sad! It's a bad deal for the US. We should get our money back."

A White House source, who wished to remain anonymous, said that Trump's decision came immediately following a meeting with his National Security Advisor, John Bolton.

Bolton is known for having said, in a 1994 speech referring to the UN's headquarters, that, "The Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories; if you lost 10 stories today, it wouldn't make a bit of difference," He added later: "There's no such thing as the United Nations."

In Geneva, the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights Zeid Ra'ad Al Hussein responded that the U.S. withdrawal is "not really surprising. The US has been going it alone for quite a while. This decision is the culmination of that decline."

CND in historic U-turn on nuclear weapons

Editor's Note:  This historic news just in from the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament!!!

Press Office: 07968 420 859 - Switchboard: 020 7700 2393 - E-mail: pressoffice@cnduk.org
Monday, 31 March 2014 - Attn: News desks / Defence / Political correspondents
Embargoed: 00.01 Tuesday 1 April

CND in historic U-turn on nuclear weapons

56 years after the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament was launched by luminaries including JB Priestly and Bertrand Russell, the organisation has finally given its backing to nuclear weapons.

‘We backed the wrong horse,’ said CND’s General Secretary Kate Hudson, in a dramatic U-turn from the organisation’s founding objectives.

‘We should have known that humanity’s penchant for self-destruction would lead inexorably to global nuclear proliferation. And from now on, that’s where our money is going to be put.’

New CNA logo

‘We now wholeheartedly endorse the Government’s assessment that £100bn is better spent on a new generation of weapons of mass destruction than on healthcare, education or green energy.’

‘We also vehemently reject the strategic objections to Trident replacement: we’ve had it up to here with ex-Generals and defence analysts who say nuclear weapons are an obsolete Cold War relic, and that Trident spending is hollowing out the UK’s military.’

‘That’s why from today we’re rebranding as the Campaign for Nuclear Armament. We’ll be ditching the iconic CND symbol – inverting it to create an encircled trident. We look forward to developing a robust and enduring relationship with the Government on this controversial public spending issue as we head into the next election.’

- ends -

Yes, this is an April Fools' joke. Of course nuclear weapons are monstrous and we'll continue to campaign against them. :)

For further information and interviews please contact Luke Massey, CND's Press & Communications Officer on 020 7700 2350 or 07968 420 859.

Orcas go ballistic over Sochi; vow nonviolent response

In a possible bid to increase the money made during the Winter Olympics, Sochi’s Aquatoria is said to be ready to receive two wild orcas–or killer whales, as they are often called–which were captured specifically for the aquarium., and Puget Sound Orcas are fighting mad!!!

While whaling, which kills some of the largest marine animals in Earth’s big oceans, is illegal in most of the world, capturing these animals in the wild is not something that many countries have addressed. A pair of wild orcas were apparently officially sought by the Aquatoria, and were captured by whalers in ocean waters just a bit north of Japan.

A resident Orca pod in Washington State's Puget Sound received word of the capture via Ocean Telegraph and went ballistic.  Speaking to news media from Friday Harbor, San Juan Island, Washington, "L3", a member of the resident "L" pod said, "This is absolutely wrong, both legally and morally speaking. Orcas have every right to roam freely without risk of capture and incarceration. We are highly evolved, intelligent creatures.  Based on our long-term observations of humans' disastrous impact on our planet, it is highly questionable whether they [humans] exhibit any intelligence at all."

Orcas in their native habitat (where they belong)

L3 also said that although this "orcanapping" was an inherently violent act, Orcas do not condone a violent response.  "We are often given a 'bad rap' for the rare attack on a trainer, although orcas are not violent creatures. Of course we're wild, and it's hard being cooped up in a tiny tank and having humans pretend they are so smart."

Officials at the Aquatoria have officially confirmed that at least one orca is on its way to Sochi in time for the Olympics. The news was posted by the Russian Orca team, whose leaders consist of Erich Hoyt, a top level researcher at the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society, and Alexander Burdin, the leader of the Laboratory of Animal Ecology at the Kamchatka Institute of Ecology and Nature Management.

According to a written statement made by the Aquatoria officials, a single orca was legally captured and taken to a base that is specially equipped to adapt the orca to captivity. The orca will later be brought to Sochi in time for the Winter Games.

Since the statement was released, public outcry has been intense. Advocates of whale protection have created an online petition asking Russia not to show the captured wild orcas during the Sochi Winter Olympics. It currently has nearly 110,000 signatures, and mentions that placing orcas in an aquarium causes suffering.

Paul Spong, the founder of the whale research station OrcaLab near Vancouver Island, agrees, adding that aside from unusual exceptions, the lives of captive orcas are much shorter than those of their ocean-dwelling relatives. He also mentioned how the spirit of the Olympics would be violated by such a display, saying that the Olympics are supposed to be demonstrating the best that humans can be, and that the capture and exhibition of wild orcas is not showing humanity at its finest. Others believe that capturing and holding an orca in a small tank is animal abuse and can put a great strain on the beloved orcas.

There has been no word from the Aquatoria since the public condemnation began, or if the orcas will still be displayed. Because the creatures are not part of any official Olympic event, it is unlikely that Olympic officials will be able to do much to dissuade the aquarium if they do decide to display the orcas.

Meanwhile, the Puget Sound Orcas continue their work to free the Sochi captives. They have called for a total mammalian boycott of the Sochi Olympics until the Orcas are returned to the sea.  While some have called on the captive orcas to attack their captors, the consensus among the resident orca pods has been to practice active nonviolent resistance.  According to the orca representative speaking in Friday Harbor this approach, made famous by notable historical figures such as Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Ghandi and Jesus, is seldom employed by governments, particularly Russia and the US.

Captive orcas have caused serious problems even after being stuck in the tanks. The famous and deadly incident at Sea World in 2010 had an orca killing its trainer, with the belief being that the whale in question was bored, isolated, sensory deprived and bred too often. Other orcas have also attacked their trainers, also. The documentary Blackfish asked the question whether dolphins and whales should be kept captive at all. If these wild orcas were captured solely for the purpose of being on display during the Sochi Winter Olympics, it will likely be up to the patrons of the games to support or boycott such an exhibition.

###

Editor's Note: Thanks to the following source for the real news that was butchered to create this post:  http://guardianlv.com/2014/01/sochi-winter-olympics-captures-wild-orcas/

NSA Fall Festival: Mark your calendars!

Hey Everyone!  Mark your calendars (see the poster below) well in advance to join us at the National Security Agency (NSA) headquarters for the annual NSA Fall Festival.  It's a great opportunity for everyday people just like you and me to get up close and (not quite too) personal with the NSA.

Of course, you won't learn anything about how the NSA really works; heck, that's an extremely closely guarded secret... well, sort of (no thanks to that Ed Snowden guy).  But hey; it's a time to have fun, and all at great taxpayer expense.  After all; you the taxpayers are paying through the nose so that we can continue our unabated, endless spying on just about everyone on the planet. So what's a little more $$$ on some good, old-fashioned fun.

This is one for the entire family, even the family dog.  In fact, there will be a special booth where NSA employees will embed your family pooch with a free teeny weeny microchip that will allow the NSA to listen in on your family's activities with even greater ease than we do now. The chip also helps you keep track of your pet's wanderings.

There will be plenty of parking, so there is no need for carpooling.  In fact, we advise against it. NSA employees, or more likely private contractors, will be placing secret monitoring/tracking devices on every automobile at the Fall Festival.

An additional free bonus for everyone who attends will be an automatic retinal scan as you enter the Festival area.  It's just one more reason we're building a brand new huge data storage facility in Utah that can actually store yottabytes of data.  Geez!!! Even most folks at the NSA have a hard time fathoming such large numbers.

And kids; you will have the opportunity to learn more about an exciting and profitable (if you choose to work for one of the scores of private contractors doing security work for our nation) career in mass surveillance the protection of our global interests nation.

Tell your family, friends and co-workers. Everyone's welcome to this event.  Check the NSA Website for more details. See you in September!

NSA - Defending Our Nation: Securing The Future

Trident Makes Bad People Go Away!

The following graphic was issued this week by the United States Navy, Commander, Submarine Forces in an effort to help members of Congress better understand the rationale for building a new fleet of ballistic missile submarines to replace the current Trident fleet.

The Trident II D-5 missiles deployed on the nation's 14 OHIO Class submarines carry multiple thermonuclear warheads, each one many times the destructive force of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  Rear Adm. Joesph Tofalo has said that, “A single Trident submarine is the sixth largest nuclear nation in the world all by itself."

Carrying enough nuclear warheads to incinerate an entire continent, Trident is certainly an important tool in our nation's military tool box, and it most certainly can make lots of people "go away" in a flash.

The successor to the OHIO Class submarine fleet is known as the SSBN(X), and is currently in research and development.  A fleet of 12 new submarines will cost approximately $100 billion to build.

NSA Eavesdropping on GOD!!!

The National Security Agency is denying a report that it eavesdropped on the Pope, in addition to telephone prayer lines of a number of other religious denominations.

Before the Italian magazine, Panorama, published the report, it issued a press release that read "NSA had tapped the pope,"according to Reuters. The eavesdropping was on calls from inside and outside the Vatican and reportedly spanned a few weeks from December 10, 2012 to January 8, 2013. Additional calls to prayer lines of various denominations were also reportedly tapped.

"The National Security Agency does not target the Vatican or God."

- NSA spokeswoman

The calls were reportedly categorized in five groups: leadership intentions, threats to the financial system, foreign policy objectives, human rights and conversations with God. The magazine did not cite any sources in its report.

In addition to the eavesdropping on the Vatican, the NSA is alleged to have tapped the phone lines of various prayer lines to obtain information on people's conversations with God.

One of the largest prayer line operations is the 700 Club Prayer Centers, which receives over four million calls each year and provides a direct connection to God.  700 Club's Pat Robertson was disturbed by the spying revelations, and voiced his concern that the government is "disturbing the separation of church and state."

Pat Robertson

An NSA spokeswoman, denied the report, including the allegations of spying on God.

"The National Security Agency does not target the Vatican or God", she said in an email to The Los Angeles Times. "Assertions that NSA has targeted the Vatican, published in Italy's Panorama magazine, are not true."

The NSA’s post-Sept. 11 surveillance programs are coming under increased criticism at home and abroad, capped by recent revelations that the NSA monitored German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cellphone and those of up to 34 other world leaders. Those reports relied on documents provided by former NSA analyst Edward Snowden.

Documents released by Snowden have not yet produced any revelations of the NSA's spying on God, but according to some sources there are many yet to be released.

Congressional leaders who have been staunch supporters of the NSA programs are now saying it is time for a close examination. Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, said, "We live in a Christian nation.  God has Constitutional rights too you know. Enough is enough with this out of control wiretapping."

GOD

Sarah Palin, who has been crisscrossing the country touting her new book about the "war on Christmas", said that she was shocked, but not surprised, about the NSA's spying on God.  "Next thing you know they'll be spying on Santa Claus.  We need to put good old Christian values like prayer and Christmas trees back into our government," said Palin.

The White House said Tuesday that President Barack Obama had ordered a full review of the programs and was considering changes.

National Intelligence Director James Clapper defended the secret surveillance that sweeps up phone records and emails of millions of Americans as vital to protecting against terrorists. Clapper had no comment on God.

God had no comment on Clapper, or the wiretapping issue.

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Editor's Note:  OK, so some of this is true and some is not.  What difference does it make???

Pizza delivery blamed for nuclear safety violations

US Air Force officers entrusted with the launch keys to long-range nuclear missiles have been caught twice this year leaving open a blast door that is intended to help prevent a terrorist or other intruder from entering their underground command post, Air Force officials said.

The blast doors are never to be left open if one of the crew members inside is asleep – as was the case in both these instances – out of concern for the trouble an intruder could cause, including the compromising of secret launch codes.

An investigative report by the Associated Press found that the most recent violations involving the blast doors were caused by the chronic cravings of launch control crews for delivery pizza.  A launch control officer who wished to remain anonymous told AP that Domino's Pizza, which has a contract with Global Strike Command as its sole pizza supplier, requires that the blast doors remain open whenever an order is called in so that the company can fulfill its "30-minutes or it's free" guarantee.

The blast door violations are another sign of trouble in the handling of the nation's nuclear arsenal. The AP has discovered a series of problems within the ICBM force, including a failed safety inspection, the temporary sidelining of launch officers deemed unfit for duty and the abrupt firing last week of the two-star general in charge. They also discovered that delivery personnel for Domino's Pizza, the official pizza supplier for the Global Strike Command, are not required to receive security clearances prior to entering the top-security launch complexes.

The problems, including low morale, underscore the challenges of feeding personnel and keeping safe such a deadly force that is constantly on alert but is unlikely ever to be used.

The willingness of some launch officers to leave the blast door open at times reflects a mindset far removed from Cold War days when the US lived in fear of a nuclear strike by the Soviet Union. It was that fear that provided the original rationale for placing ICBMs in reinforced underground silos and the launch control officers in buried capsules – so that in the event of an attack the officers might survive to launch a counterattack.

Today the fear of such an attack has all but disappeared and, with it, the appeal of strictly following the blast door rule.  

The crews who operate the missiles are still expected to follow rules without fail, including the prohibition against having the blast door open when only one crew member is awake or when expecting a pizza delivery.

An unnamed missileer told AP that launch control officers often order multiple pizzas at a time and freeze them for later consumption in the event of a nuclear war after which they would be stuck underground for an indefinite time period.  The officer said that, "There's nothing more comforting than the aroma of re-heated pizza after Armageddon."

A spokesperson for Global Strike Command said that the agency is reconsidering its relationship with Domino's, and is considering changing suppliers to Papa Murphy's Take 'N' Bake Pizza in order to avoid the problem with blast doors.

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Editor's Postscript: Material that was plagiarized and embellished in this post was stolen from an article in The Guardian (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/23/us-air-force-nuclear-missiles-blast-door).

Twinkies' shelf-life nearly doubles!

The US Department of Homeland Security has teamed up with the new owners of Hostess Brands to increase the shelf-life of Twinkies snack cakes.

With ever-increasing concerns about the inability of government agencies to assist survivors in certain catastrophic disaster scenarios for weeks or longer, Homeland Security turned to the makers of the beloved snack food for help.

The cream-filled Twinkies many Americans grew up snacking during the Cold War made a comeback after being off shelves for nearly nine months following the bankruptcy of Hostess Brands.

According to the new owners, those spongy yellow cakes taste remarkably like the original.  The package lists a whopping 25 ingredients, and the new Twinkies have a shelf-life of 45 days, nearly three weeks longer than the 26 day shelf-life just a year ago.

With the increased shelf-life, Homeland Security has added Twinkies to its official list of supplies approved for home fallout shelters.

When asked to comment, Daren Metropoulos, principal of Metropoulos & Co., one of the two companies that bought the rights to Twinkies from the bankrupt Hostess Brands earlier this year, said he was pleased with the government's endorsement of his company's product.

He added that researchers in the company's product development laboratory are currently working to increase the Twinkies' shelf life even longer - up to six months.  "Who knows," Metropoulos mused, "in a full-scale nuclear war people will be stuck in those bomb shelters for a long time. They're going to need comfort food"

Rogue Seals takes over Trident sub

Silverdale, Washington  A rogue Seal team breached security at a Trident nuclear submarine base in Washington State.

In an unannounced exercise rogue Seals took over the USS Nevada SSBN 733, a Trident ballistic missile submarine, while tied up to the pier at the Bangor Trident submarine base at Silverdale, Washington in the early morning hours on January 22nd.

According to Navy officials the takeover was short lived. The Seals were quickly driven topside and off the ship by quick acting members of the ship's security detail.

Photo: Courtesy of U.S. Navy

In preparation for the exercise the Seals studied the 2009 incursion by the Disarm Now Plowshares, a group of elderly peace activists who breached multiple levels of security at the sub base and nuclear weapons storage depot before being captured by base security personnel.  The five members of the Plowshares action made it through the final security fence into the nuclear weapons storage bunker area of the Strategic Weapons Facility, Pacific (SWFPAC) before being detected.

The seals went undetected by the Marine Mammal Base Protection Detail that was patrolling Hood Canal at the time of the incursion.  Members of the detail were questioned about their whereabouts during the incursion, and all denied having been drinking on the job.  They were, however, observed feasting on shrimp earlier in the morning by fishermen working nearby.  They also denied any prior contact with the rogue seal team.  

Rogue Seal in custody (Navy file photo)

A Navy spokesperson said that although this was a serious breech of security, at no time were the nuclear weapons on board the submarine in any danger.  He also stated that they would undertake a full investigation to determine where security can be improved.  

The spokesperson denied that the Navy was considering consulting with any of the members of the Disarm Now Plowshares regarding security improvements on the base.

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Editor's Note:  Thanks to comic co-conspirator Shelley Douglass for giving me this idea AND for much of the content!  The Navy actually has a Swimmer Interdiction System staffed by ever capable marine mammals (dolphins and sea lions) to apprehend any pesky terrorists who might try to swim undetected to do some sort of mischief to our nation's Strategic Nuclear Deterrent. 

Office of Homeland Security Cancels Christmas

Ellis Island -   Three wise men were arrested today attempting to illegally enter the United States.
The Iraqi nationals were carrying massive amounts of flammable substances known as "frankincense" and "myrrh." While not explosives themselves, experts revealed that these two substances could be used as a fuse to detonate a larger bomb. The three alleged terrorists were also carrying gold, presumably to finance the rest of their mission.

Also implicated in the plot were two Palestinians named Joseph and Mary. An anonymous source close to the family overheard Mary bragging that her son would "bring down the mighty from their thrones and lift up the lowly." In what appears to be a call to anarchy, the couple claims their son will someday "help prisoners escape captivity."

"These people match our terrorist profile perfectly," an official source reported.

All of the suspects claimed they heard angels singing of a new era of hope for the afflicted and poor. As one Wall Street official put it, "These one-world wackos are talking about overturning the entire economic and political hierarchy that holds the civilized world together. I don't care what some angel sang; God wants the status quo - by definition."  

A somber White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced that it might be prudent to cancel (or at least postpone) Christmas until others in the plot are rounded up. "I assure you that this measure is temporary. The president loves Christmas as much as anyone. People can still shop and give expensive gifts, but we're asking them not to think about world peace until after we have rid the world of all the evil people. For Americans to sing, 'Peace on earth, good will to all,' is just the wrong message to send to our enemies at this time."

The strongest opponents of the Christmas ban were the representatives of retail stores, movie chains and makers of porcelain Christmas figurines. "This is a tempest in a teapot," fumed one unnamed business owner. "No one thinks of the political meaning of Christmas any more. Christmas isn't about a savior who will bring hope to the outcasts of the world; it's about nativity scenes and beautiful lights. History has shown that mature people are perfectly capable of singing hymns about world peace while still supporting whatever war our leaders deem necessary. People long ago stopped tying religion to the real events in the world."

There has been no word on where the suspects are being kept, or when their trial might be held. Authorities are asking citizens who see other foreigners resembling nativity scene figures to contact the Office of Homeland Security.

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Editor's Note: Many thanks to the Rev. Jim Rigby for this wildly creative piece written for a previous Christmas (and of course we tell the Christmas Story year after year after year...).  Jim is pastor of St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church in Austin, TX, and a longtime activist in movements concerned with gender, racial, and economic justice. 

Click here for Jim's article in CommonDreams.org one year ago that provides the context for the literary piece used in this blog post.

You can read some of Jim's other writings at the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-rigby 

Santa Claus: "Peace on Earth -- Or Else."

It's never too early to think about the Holiday Season (especially the Holiday Protest Season); just ask every retailer bombarding people's televisions with commercial messages bleeding red and green, and just teeming with tinsel.

Well, Santa Claus has finally gotten into the act.  Mr. Claus recently took time off from the last minute toy production madness up at the North Pole to speak out for nuclear disarmament.

Claus travelled, accompanied by a gaggle of his merry elves AND an eight foot-long replica of a thermonuclear armed missile (looking strikingly similar to the Minuteman III - just don't look too closely - recently test launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base), to New York.  Claus's sleigh broke down at Poughkeepsie, NY, and in the spirit of the season, someone loaned Claus a three wheeled bicycle.

Santa and his elves on the way to the United Nations

Claus had a specific destination in mind - the United Nations.  Claus brought a definitive seasonal message to the world's leaders - "Peace on Earth -- Or Else." 

Santa was not allowed inside the UN headquarters, so he shouted his message to all who would listen on the streets of New York.  He and his elves kicked off the Holiday Season with a new rendition of Jingle Bells:

Jingle bells, we're going to Hell
Burning all the way
Oh what fun,
it is to die,
In a fiery nuclear way
Hey!

Bystanders were simultaneously thrilled and terrified by the quirky holiday jingle, and were amazed when Claus told them how much of their tax dollars their own government is wasting on nuclear weapons at the expense of human needs.  "That [spending on weapons of mass annihilation] is so scrooge-like," said Santa.

"It is so easy to get distracted by the materialism of the season, while nuclear annihilation is just a press of a button away.  It's important to put nuclear disarmament on the front burner and turn the heat up.  I feel like the original message of Christmas has been lost thanks to the geniuses on Madison Avenue (right here in New York).  It's time to reclaim that original message of peace, and I'm the jolly old fellow who can do it."

Santa and his elves continued on from the UN building through the city before returning to the North Pole.  They handed out little green toy soldiers to passersby as a reminder of the tragic human consequences of war.

When asked by a reporter if he wasn't just upsetting people's holidays before they've even begun, Santa replied, "Is there ever a convenient time???  Each of us has a responsibility to stand up for what is right and speak out.  Sometimes that goes against the societal norm.  But that should not stop us.  It's a moral responsibility.  I know it's hard for most people to see Santa calling for peace and nuclear disarmament.  But hey, I care deeply about humanity, and especially all those children to whom I'm responsible.  If I don't say something, one day there may be no children for me to deliver presents to.  Now that would be a real tragedy."

Following on those comments Santa said that thanks to his new high speed internet connection at the Pole he can now sign petitions and send emails to decision makers around the world with a click of his "mouse."  "I just signed one [petition] from the folks at Nuclear Age Peace Foundation calling on the United States to take all its land-based thermonuclear armed missiles off high alert status (Is that crazy of what???) and start dismantling them.  I mean... just what good is something that is only designed to incinerate millions of innocent people???"  One of the elves chimed in, "That's just plain crazy!!!" 

A reporter then asked if President Obama was on Santa's famous "naughty or nice" list.  The jolly old guy laughed and said he could neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a list.  He then grimaced and said, "Well, it's safe to say that if such a list existed, the CEO's of all those weapons manufacturers would definitely be on the 'NAUGHTY' list.  It's kind of a no-brainer.  I have a new office staffed by elves who do nothing but track and list all the profiteers around the world who are benefiting from warmaking.  Tragically, that list has been growing by leaps and bounds."

"As for Obama..." and Santa paused for a moment, "redemption is always on the table."

And then Santa was off and pedalling.  As he wheeled across the Brooklyn Bridge with his elves running behind him, one could hear the distant (yet strong) call for

"Peace on Earth.  Good Will to All People."

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Editor's Notes: 

Thanks to the Huffington Post for the story that got the creative juices flowing on this one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/13/santa-claus-united-nations-joey-skaggs-nuclear-protest_n_2124695.html#slide=1754034

In the true spirit of the season, let us all work (on every level) for PEACE.  Sign petitions; send emails, letters and/or faxes to decision makers; engage others - family, friends, co-workers, people you meet on the street - in the struggle for a peaceful world for all.  What better gift can we give???



US Backs Treaty to Arm the World

Hours after U.S. President Barack Obama was re-elected, the United States backed a U.N. committee's call on Wednesday to renew debate over a draft international treaty to regulate the $85.3 billion global conventional arms trade.

U.N. delegates and gun control activists have complained that talks collapsed in July largely because Obama feared attacks from Republican rival Mitt Romney if his administration was seen as supporting the pact, a charge Washington denies.

An unnamed adminstration spokesperson was quick to point out that "Romney stands to gain [financially] from any treaty that we sign on global arms sales.  Before signing such a treaty, we will ensure that our nation's defense industry is protected from financial harm.  After all, we gobble up a healthy 78% of that global arms pie.  We're talking $66.3 billion in 2011.  That's huge!  And, we're not giving up any of it."



"Does the price include flight training?"

The month-long talks at U.N. headquarters broke off after the United States - along with Russia and other major arms producers - said it had problems with the draft treaty and asked for more time.  In the U.S. a steady stream of Lobbyists for major arms producers have been seen pouring into the Pentagon for secret meetings on the issue.An official at the U.S. mission said Washington's objectives have not changed.

"We seek a treaty that contributes to international security by fighting illicit arms trafficking and proliferation, protects the sovereign right of states like our own to conduct legitimate arms trade, and meets the concerns that we have been articulating throughout," the official said.

"We will  accept neither any treaty that infringes on the constitutional rights of our citizens to bear arms, nor one that infringes on the rights of corporations to sell arms," he said. 

U.S. officials have acknowledged privately that the treaty under discussion would have no effect on domestic gun sales and ownership because it would apply only to exports. 

U.S. weapons producers are watching Treaty negotiations closely.   

A weapons industry insider, who asked not to be named, said that no treaty would ever by signed by the U.S. that would limit the ability of major U.S. arms producers to sell whatever they want, whenever they want, and to whomever they want.  "They [arms producers] have a sweet deal with the Pentagon.  The U.S. provides foreign aid to any number of countries, and they turn around and sink that money into U.S.-made arms.  Is this economic stimulus or what?"

The main reason the arms trade talks are taking place at all is that the United States - the world's biggest arms trader accounting for more than 40 percent of global conventional arms transfers - reversed U.S. policy on the issue after Obama was first elected and decided in 2009 to support a treaty.

In related news, the election seems to have created a run on gun stocks.  A number of stocks, including firearms manufacturers Smith & Wesson and Sturm, Ruger popped Wednesday. Shares of hunting goods retailers Cabela's and Big 5 Sporting Goods were also higher. Nothing like a little right-wing paranoia to help (isolated sectors of) the stock market.

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Thanks to Reuters for the original article that gave the impetus for this "doctored" news article.  http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/11/07/us-arms-treaty-un-idUSBRE8A627J20121107 

The idea of U.S. weapons systems manufacturers and arms dealers giving up one cent of their hard earned money would make their lobbyists all collapse in shock.  We arm the world (to the tune of $66.3 billion in 2011) and that is music to companies like Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Northrup Grumman, General Dynamics and Raytheon.  Ka-Ching!!!

"Arms deliveries to developing countries last year were the highest since 2004, totalling $28 billion, or around 60% of global sales. America and Russia, the world’s leading arms suppliers, accounted for around two-thirds of deliveries to the developing world. America’s exports in particular are helped by a long-standing client base, which orders upgrades, spare parts and support services every year. Arms deals were buoyed last year by unusually high demand from Saudi Arabia." (Source: The Economist)

2013 Weapon Systems Handbook Available Now

The United States Army is excited to announce the release of the 2013 edition of its annual Weapon Systems Handbook, which is overflowing with updated information on dozens of weapon systems available for purchase by foreign countries.  

The U.S. Department of Defense (DOD), in partnership with the nation's top weapons manufacturers, is ready to supply nations anywhere (and everywhere) in the world with the newest and most advanced weapons systems available.

"The systems listed in this book are not isolated, individual products. Rather, they are part of an integrated Army system of weapons designed to equip the Army of the future to successfully face any challenges," according to the Handbook introduction.  That means a developing nation can completely equip its armed forces in complete confidence that its armed forces can meet any challenge presented by an adversary or simply due to the demands of U.S. foreign policy.

A prime example of the products now available for immediate purchase is the RQ-11B Raven Small Unmanned Aircraft System, which is marketed to Denmark, Estonia, Lebanon, and Uganda.

An adequate supply of ammunition is always a concern in purchasing a new weapons system. U.S. weapons contractors, thanks to the partnership with DOD and the generous support of U.S. taxpayers, have plenty of ammunition on hand.  The U.S. sells an endless supply of artillery ammunition both to Israel and to Lebanon.

In an effort to assist nations in acquiring these new and expensive weapons systems the U.S. Government is prepared to provide generous foreign aid packages (to qualifying countries) to allow even the smallest country's army to hit the ground running.

DOD is also prepared to send U.S. Army "advisers" to any country purchasing these highly advanced weapons systems to train armed forces personnel and help fully integrate these weapons systems into the nation's defense. 

To complement the Army's highly trained advisers are a host of private contractors, which can provide additional assistance, employing former military and intelligence personnel who can help take a country's armed forces to the next level.

Countries can rest assured that all weapons systems in the new 2013 catalog are tested under the most rigorous "real-world" conditions, and have helped the U.S. to have the most effective army in the world.  As the catalog's introduction states:

"After 10 years of combat, today's Army is significantly more capable than the Army of 2001. As we draw down from Iraq and Afghanistan, we must remain flexible, adaptable, and agile enough to respond and meet the needs of the combatant commanders."

"Our objective is to equip and maintain an Army with the latest most advanced weaponry to win and return home quickly."

The 2013 edition Weapon Systems Handbook provides just that - "the latest and most advanced weaponry" anywhere. 

The 2013 edition Weapons Systems Handbook is available in both print edition as well as a version for eReaders.

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Loose Nukes Editor's Note:  For anyone who might have even the most remote thought that this is a real news release, forget it!!!  That being said, the 2013 Weapon Systems Handbook is for real.  The U.S. does, indeed, arm the world thanks to a deeply entrenched Military-Industrial Complex that has grown into a monstrous creature that has the entire world in its tentacled grasp.  We should have listened to Ike (President Dwight D. Eisenhower).  Click here to watch Eisenhower's farewell address in which he warned of (and coined the term) the Military-Industrial Complex.

As Fortune Magazine described, "...in backdoor dealings with other nations, American officials act as de facto pitchmen for U.S.-made weapons." 

"Military industries have almost tripled their share of the U.S. economy in just a decade." (David Sirota, America's export economy: arming and fattening the world)

"In 2011 overseas weapons sales by the United States totaled $66.3 billion, or more than three-quarters of the global arms market"  (Johnny Barber, We Are at War, in Common Dreams)
      
Thanks to Stephen Aftergood's Secrecy Blog at the Federation of American Scientists Project on Government Secrecy for the blog post that brought this to our attention, and from which much of the material in this post was plagiarized.  Source URL: http://www.fas.org/blog/secrecy/2012/10/army_weapons.html