Organic Plutonium: Get it while it's HOT!

If you've had problems sourcing organic Plutonium lately, have no fear.  There might still be some cans left on the shelves at The Black Hole, Los Alamos, New Mexico.  Granted, now that The Black Hole's proprietor, Ed Grothus, is no longer with us - rest in peace Ed - many of Ed's signature items are hard to come by.

The 8 ounce size Organic Plutonium was always a HOT item.  People from many countries, including Iran, North Korea, Myanmar, Israel and Brazil used to come asking for Ed's signature Organic Plutonium.

Organic Plutonium is fat free, wheat free, dairy free, GMO free, zero calories, vegan, no artificial colors or flavors, AND no sugar added.  Hmmmm Good!!!  And HOT!!!  What's more, it contains 14.0726918 nutritious Curies of radiation.  Yum!

 

Don't see a "use by" date on the can?  No worries!  The Plutonium 239, just like the stuff used in those thermonuclear warheads, has a half life of 24,000 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It will keep forever.  Now that's shelf life! 

Note to people with nut allergies: This product is made in facilities run by a bunch of nuts.

For Christmas, 1996, Ed sent a can marked ORGANIC PLUTONIUM to then-President Clinton. “In his letter to the President, Ed said ‘If you eat this, you’ll walk with a halo’,” says Ed. “‘If you feed some to Socks [Clinton's cat], the cat’ll walk with a halo.’” The Secret Service was not amused, and — as Ed commemorates in a newspaper clipping he proudly displayed near his front desk — they showed up to “see if there was any insanity in my family.”

Those of us who work in the nuclear weapons abolition business know where the real nuts are!!!

Wondering whether Organic Plutonium is safe for human consumption???  Don't worry!  The U.S. government began testing Plutonium on human subjects in 1945, and continued its testing into the 1970s.  From pregnant women to developmentally disabled children, the government tested Plutonium on a wide range of subjects.  That's our tax dollars hard at work!?!?!?

So stock up on some Organic Plutonium today.  There just might be a few cans left if the folks from the Nunn-Lugar Cooperative Threat Reduction (CTR) Program didn't get there first.

Be sure to check Groupon.com for a coupon good for 20 percent off your first can.

Radiation is like an angry wife!

For those of you who don't have a degree in nuclear physics, the Japan Atomic Energy Agency has finally translated the lofty science of radiation health physics into terms that the rest of us can understand.  Allow me to summarize:

1. Radiation = "Wife's screaming to her husband"
2. Radioactivity = Wife's "agitated state"
3. Radioactive Material = "the wife herself"

Can you believe these guys (they must be men; who else would come up with such an absurd analogy???)???

Cartoon originally at Japanese Atomic Energy Agency Website

So now you know everything you need to know about Radioactivity; and you didn't have to spend years in graduate school.  What's more - Radiation must not be that bad for us if it's just like my wife screaming at me.  It might actually be therapeutic.  One might wonder, however, how women got the rap for that nasty radioactive stuff.  Read the article below to find out. 

******************

Radiation: Shall I compare thee to an angry Japanese wife?

By Miki Kayaoka

TOKYO | Tue Jun 5, 2012 4:42am EDT

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese research agency has dropped a controversial public relations campaign aimed at educating women about nuclear safety that compared radiation to the screaming voice of an angry wife.

The Japanese Atomic Energy Agency devoted a page on its website to an effort to "make the hard words used in the nuclear power industry" more easy to understand, particularly for women.

The page, which included a cartoon of an angry, fist-waving wife and her cowering husband, compared the wife's yell to radiation. It continued the metaphor by saying that the women's increasing agitation could be compared to "radioactivity", while claiming the wife herself was comparable to "radioactive material".

The webpage, first published in 2010, was dropped on Monday after the agency received dozens of complaints.

"I have no idea why this page suddenly attracted people's attention, but we would have deleted it earlier had we known about this page," said Yusuke Uehara, a spokesman for the government-affiliated agency which conducts nuclear research, including work on safety.

"This discriminates against women, which is inappropriate."

All 50 of Japan's operable nuclear reactors remain offline after a series of meltdowns and hydrogen explosions at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant forced evacuations and renewed scrutiny of Japan's policy towards atomic energy.

Tokyo Electric Power, the operator of the Fukushima plant, said last month that the radiation released in the first days of the Fukushima disaster was almost 2-1/2 times the amount first estimated by safety regulators.

The accident was the world's worst nuclear accident since Chernobyl in 1986.

The "radioactive wife" cartoon had been created by a group of six women who live near Tokaimura, site of a 1999 nuclear accident at a uranium reprocessing plant.

(Reporting by Miki Kayaoka; Editing by Elaine Lies and Nick Macfie)

###

Source URL: http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/06/05/us-japan-radioactivewife-idUSBRE8540CX20120605