Trump Executive Order Says "You're Outa Here Big Bird!"

Washington (The Loose Nukes): In what may be his most sweeping executive order yet affecting Freedom of the Press, President Donald Trump has decreed that Fox News will be the only media organization recognized by The White House. 

Trump said it was a pretty tough decision, but concluded that even though Fox has occasionally questioned his decisions, "for the most part they've been pretty good. "I have an ability... I don't watch the lefty fake news networks like NBC anymore. They're as bad as CNN. And you gotta love Fox & Friends... they've got that Ainsley Airhardt; oh, she's a looker, I gotta tell you. It's my favorite show on TV."

The order states that all funds saved by the implementation of his executive order "ENDING TAXPAYER SUBSIDIZATION OF BIASED MEDIA", which revokes all funding currently being received by National Public Radio (NPR) and the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), will be distributed to Fox News, which is well known for its "fair, accurate, unbiased, and nonpartisan news coverage."

Finally, the order allows the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to revoke the broadcast license of any television station if the president becomes displeased with their coverage. 

“We don’t have a Free and Fair ‘Press’ in this Country anymore,” Trump wrote in a recent post. “We have a Press that writes BAD STORIES, and CHEATS, BIG, ON POLLS. IT IS COMPROMISED AND CORRUPT. SAD!

Although not explicitly stated in the executive order, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced that Fox News personnel will be assigned the entire first two rows in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room, traditionally reserved for the most prominent news organizations.

In response to a question by a Washington Post reporter about what it will take for reporters to earn the President's respect, Leavitt retorted that "if media outlets don't bend the knee"... "they will lose big time. Any more questions?"

END NOTE: OK, so the executive order doesn't go quite as far as this fake story would have you believe - that is if you believe much of what you read on the internet - but it is not so far off when you consider how far the U.S. is sliding down the slippery slope into the fascist abyss. Beware my friends... remember that old saying: "First they came for Big Bird..."

REFERENCES

Executive Order: ENDING TAXPAYER SUBSIDIZATION OF BIASED MEDIA; THE WHITE HOUSE, MAY 1, 2025; https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/05/ending-taxpayer-subsidization-of-biased-media/

USA: Trump verbally attacked the media more than 100 times in run-up to election; Reporters Without Borders; November 25, 2024; https://rsf.org/en/usa-trump-verbally-attacked-media-more-100-times-run-election 

100 DAYS OF HOAXES: Cutting Through the Fake News; The White House; April 29, 2025: https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/04/100-days-of-hoaxes-cutting-through-the-fake-news/

How a Professional Bully Is Winning Control of the Media; Common Dreams; April 25, 2025; https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/trump-controls-media?  

April 29, 2025

Trump is Making Showers Great Again!

Washington (The Loose Nukes): President Donald Trump, in one of his most meaningful executive orders to date, decreed that, “No longer will shower heads be weak and worthless,” the White House said in a news release on Wednesday. "With a stroke of my great big powerful pen, I am officially ending the War on Showers! I'm gonna make shower heads great again," trumpeted Trump.

Thie latest executive order eradicates restrictions on water flow from all shower heads sold in the United Snakes. The order directs Energy Secretary Chris Wright to rescind a definition of shower heads first implemented by President Barack Obama.

This is by no means the first time Trump has attempted to redefine shower heads (or anything else for that matter). He introduced a rule in his first term, dramatically increasing the amount of water that showers could use. In 2017 Trump infamously said, "Look, we have plenty of water in this great nation. Just look at all those Great Lakes; all that water, it's just great, great. We can just pump all that beautiful water all over the country; we just have to beat the Canadians to it. It will the greatest infrastructure project in the history of the world."

At that time Trump was absolutely giddy about reversing any measures put in place by the Obama administration, calling his new shower head rule "my big, beautiful Golden Shower [head]."

It is the second time that Mr. Trump as president has attempted to redefine a shower head. A rule he introduced in his first term drastically increased the amount of water that showers with multiple nozzles could use. The Biden administration later reversed that change.

Regulations.gov

Trump has complained for many years about the ridiculously small amount of water coming out of shower heads. “I like to take a nice shower to take care of my beautiful hair,” President Trump said on Wednesday in the Oval Office. 

“I stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet. It comes out drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous. Even the showers here in The White House don't work. That's just criminal, The White House, can you imagine that, drip, drip, drip, just horrible."

During his first term in the White House, Trump lamented that his showers did not supply enough water for him to achieve his “perfect” hair, part of a campaign against what he described as excessive government regulation.

“So shower heads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out,” Mr. Trump once said at a an event touting his business-friendly policies. “You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect.”

At a dinner with Republican leaders in 2023, Trump repeated his complaint: “You know I have this gorgeous head of hair — when I take a shower, I want water to pour down on me. When you go into these new homes with showers, the water drips down slowly, slowly.”

Chris Wright, who says he is all in for rolling back any regulation that restricts people's Gog-given right to pump as much water as they can (afford to) pump, was the CEO of Liberty Energy, a fracking company, before taking the post as Energy Secretary. “I am confident that we can reverse the irresponsible policies of the Biden administration and prioritize endless and wasteful use of natural resources. Under his [Wright's] leadership, the DOE will once again support the great American corporation, and allow companies like Nestle to pump all the water they want anywhere they want,” said Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), who chairs the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee, in a statement. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Yes, Trump really did issue an executive order about... well, yes - SHOWER HEADS. He is definitely on a roll (back) these days. Much of the quotes in this post are real, with a few words changed here and there (just for fun and emphasis). it's so nice to see Trump focusing on so many important issues (like wasting our most precious and life-giving resource). See references below if you don't believe me... Truth is far stranger than fiction these days!

REFERENCES:

1) "MAINTAINING ACCEPTABLE WATER PRESSURE IN SHOWERHEADS"; The White House, April 9, 2025; https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/04/maintaining-acceptable-water-pressure-in-showerheads/

2) "Trump Tackles His Longtime Pet Peeve: Weak Shower Heads"; New York Times; April 10, 2025; https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/10/us/politics/trump-showers-water-pressure.html

3) "The president pushes for more flow from the nation’s shower heads.", New York Times, August 13, 2020; https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/13/us/politics/the-president-pushes-for-more-flow-from-the-nations-shower-heads.html  

4) Senate confirms fracking CEO Chris Wright to lead Energy Department; The Hill; February 03, 2025; https://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/5123956-chris-wright-confirmed-energy-department/

5) "California Authorities Say Nestlé Is Illegally Gulping Up Public Water"; Los Angeles Times, April 26, 202; https://lamag.com/news-and-politics/nestle-water-california-legal-dispute

Trump Declares "WHITE" the official color of the United States

Washington (The Loose Nukes): Earlier today, President Donald Trump signed an executive order declaring “white” to be the official color of the United States of America.

Trump's order directs Federal government agencies to erase all color from documents, images, and anything else that might be disseminated to the public. He also announced new labelling standards to be written and enforced by the newly-formed Department of Labelling.

The order directs that every organization and business must follow the same guidelines as Federal agencies, and to recall all products containing any colors other than white. Any entity that disobeys the executive order will be shuttered, and its assets sold off at auction, the proceeds being transferred to the Department of Government Efficiency.

Crayola LLC, known for its iconic Crayola Crayons, responded immediately to Trump's demands, issuing a set of crayons with only the color white, and with new and government-approved labelling. They recalled all earlier crayons, and retailers have been scrambling to get the products off their shelves to make room for the white crayons.

Countless legal scholars have expressed confusion about the latest executive order, and some have questioned whether it could be interpreted as requiring the removal, or even deportation, of any employees who are not "white". The White House refused to respond to this question, and both Trump and Musk have been surprisingly silent about the topic on social media.

The executive order has raised a new discussion and debate about “color”, and its meaning.

A Washington, D.C.-based designer, specializing in color theory, reflected on the complex physics of color: "Sunlight contains colors at all wavelengths. All these wavelengths together make white light. When that white light hits an object, we perceive that object's color as the colors that reflect from the object. We see a white object when the object reflects color at all wavelengths. As a result, white is the absence of color for how we see the object, but not for the light itself, which contains all colors."

When asked to interpret that explanation for laypeople, he said, “In other words, whiteness cannot exist without all the colors of the Rainbow. This is something Trump will never understand. And, he has no idea of the stupidity of his actions. Next, they will be banning all colored paper and colored ink, and the ultimate result will be that we won't be able to see or read anything because it's all white. But hey, maybe that is what they want.”

Ron DeSantis Comes Unhinged Over Revisionist Accusations: or, There Is an Upside to Slavery

Florida (The Loose Nukes): Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, a Republican presidential candidate, has been accused of suppressing U.S. history and whitewashing the systemic racism so central to our nation's historical legacy. 

DeSantis began by forcing the revision of the state’s Advanced Placement (AP) African American Studies curriculum, purging key Black writers, feminists, and any references to Black Lives Matter.

Then, last week,, the Florida Department of Education released its social studies standards for the upcoming school year. The massive 216-page document states, “Instruction includes how slaves developed skills which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit.” Wow, who could have known!

Gov. DeSantis was asked to explain this shocking rewrite of the brutal and bloody history of slavery in the United States, while at a campaign stop in Utah: “They’re probably going to show some of the folks that eventually parlayed, you know, being a blacksmith into doing things later in life.”

In a subsequent interview with Fox News host Sean Hannity, DeSantis clarified his earlier comments.

The governor went on in great detail recounting the countless examples throughout history of peoples who “parlayed” difficult experiences into benefits, assuming they survived those early experiences.

“Look at Native Americans,” he said. “So many of their children benefited from a good education in the schools our government provided for them. After all, they had no school system of their own, and they got cool uniforms too. The allegations of physical and sexual abuse committed in those schools is patently false. The kids were just sexually precocious.”

DeSantis went on to say that, “All those stories about the white man's treatment of Native Americans are just false. We would never give them blankets infected with Smallpox, and of course everyone knows that Smallpox was invented in some Chinese laboratory... probably Wuhan.”

DeSantis went on to explain that the Jews have benefited going all the way back to Biblical times. “Just look at their escape from slavery in Egypt. They would not have learned to make that flatbread that they use for their holiday celebrations. I've tried it, and it's pretty good, although it's a little dry and crumbly.” And don't forget their time in the camps during World War II. I'm sure those who survived learned skills from which they benefited. After all, look how well the Jews have done in our nation... all those doctors, and lawyers, and... violinists.”

Without skipping a beat, DeSantis ranted about about how women in the U.S. complain about their treatment by the supposed entrenched patriarchy that has been in place since the founding of our nation (and long before that) saying, “I really don't understand the womens lib thing. Women have had a darn good ride from the time our great nation was founded, and the men who have defended our freedom relied upon the women tending the home fires and did the laundry... oh yeah, and having babies. Heck, Betsy Ross probably wouldn't have known how to sew a flag if she had gone off to fight in the Revolutionary War. As for the right to vote, women should be grateful to have that. And, you know, all they really had to do was ask... nicely... and we would have given it to them, so long as they promised to vote Republican.”

Hannity's interview with DeSantis has not yet aired due to as yet unconfirmed rumors that the Fox Executive Board is concerned about possible fallout from the interview being made public.

END

The Fine Print: The author of this article makes no claims as to the accuracy of the information conveyed herein, except to say that aside from one quote cited (you guess which one), the rest were totally made up (although they might as well have been real). That being said, the author did his best to convey the absurdity of DeSantis' claims by using a bit of hyperbole.