France offers asylum to the Statue of Liberty

Paris (The Loose Nukes): A French politician said his country should offer asylum to the Statue of Liberty out of concern for President Donald Trump's destruction of the remaining shreds of American democracy.

Raphaël Glucksmann, a member of the European Parliament and co-president of a small left-wing party in France, asserted in a speech last weekend that some Americans “have chosen to switch to the side of the tyrants” reflecting the broad shockwaves that U.S. President Donald Trump’s seismic shifts in foreign and domestic policy are triggering in France and elsewhere in Europe. 

“Give us back the Statue of Liberty,” Glucksmann told supporters of his Public Place party, who applauded and whistled, on Sunday. “It was our gift to you. But apparently you despise her. So she will be happy and free here with us,” Glucksmann said.

"Absolutely not," said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt in a briefing Monday when asked if the U.S. would give it back. "My advice to that unnamed, low-level French scum would be to remind them that it's only because of the United States of America that the French are not speaking German right now. So they should be on their knees, bowing to our great country."

Glucksmann, in turn, shot back that French gratitude for Americans’ wartime sacrifices is “eternal,” but added: “If the free world no longer interests your government, then we will take up the torch, here in Europe.”   

“Our gratitude to these heroes (referring to the D-Day invasion of Normandy) and their sacrifices is therefore eternal,” he wrote. “But the America of these heroes fought against tyrants, it did not flatter them. It was the enemy of fascism, not the friend of Putin... It welcomed the persecuted and didn’t target them... It celebrated science and didn’t fire researchers for using banned words... It was far, so far from what your current president does, says and embodies.”

“No one, of course, will come and steal the Statue of Liberty,” he wrote in X posts. “The statue is yours. But what it embodies belongs to everyone, and not just to your White Christian Nationalists.”

President Trump seemed confused by the French wanting their statue back. During an Oval Office meeting he was overheard asking a staffer, “What is this about the French giving us the Statue of Liberty? I thought we built it.”

On his social media channel, Truth Social, Trump fired back, “Hey Frenchy, we know a hell of a lot more about Freedom than you; just look at our revolution! While we were fighting for our freedom from the overlords, you were busy learning how to make shitty souffles.” 

Lady Liberty — full name "Liberty Enlightening the World" — was conceptualized by French anti-slavery activist Édouard de Laboulaye in 1865 to honor the centennial of the U.S. Declaration of Independence and its friendship with France, whose support helped win the American Revolution.

It has endured as a global symbol of freedom, patriotism and democracy — and the lack thereof — in the decades since, until now.

Trump was asked about the iconic statue during an appearance on Fox and Friends. 

“Oh, I love the Statue of Liberty. I mean, really love her. She's a very beautiful woman; I mean, a real looker; maybe a little overdressed; could you imagine her in a red, white and blue bikini. Wow; now that would really be something, something really great, just like how great this country will be once I get rid of all the bad people. Some very bad people that don't belong in our great country.

The previous president, he was a very stupid person and a very bad president. We had levels of violence and crime, and a lot of it had to do with the illegal immigrants that came in. And remember when I used to complain about it? Because I knew how tough they were, how mean they were.

And they said, “No, no, people that come into our country are all wonderful people.” No, they’re not wonderful. These are stone-cold killers. These are killers like — they make our killers look nice, by comparison. They make our killers look nice. These are rough, tough people with the tattoos all over their face.

Historically speaking — I don’t want to discriminate against anybody, but historically speaking, they’re not going to be the head of any major bank that we know of. These are rough people. These are rough, rough killer people, and they allowed them in by the millions. 

Over the past four years, other countries emptied out their prisons and jails, mental institutions and insane asylums, and sent the killers, drug smugglers and bloodthirsty inmates from the filthiest dungeons of the world straight into the USA and open border. We had an open border policy.

Anybody could come in no matter what you were, no matter where you came from, no matter what you look like, no matter what you were doing, no matter what you did, no matter how many people you murdered. You could come right into our country. We have murderers right now walking the streets.

And we don't want it. We aren't going to let that happen. And I just learned what it says on that statue. Did you know it said something on the statue? It didn't know that until today. I like the part about the 'golden door'; I like gold; but the other stuff; we this about 'tired' and “poor” people. And why would we take 'wretched refuse'? Isn't that like taking other countries' garbage. Do they think we are stupid? 

Over the past four years, other countries emptied out their prisons and jails, mental institutions and insane asylums, and sent the killers, drug smugglers and bloodthirsty inmates from the filthiest dungeons of the world straight into the USA and open border. I bet some of them even came from France.

Today I am declaring our great nation's borders closed. Not closed for business; if you've got money we will welcome you with open arms. I have also directed the National Park Service to remove the bad plaque on Lady Liberty; it's a bad plaque; and replace with a new one declaring how great our nation is and how our unbelievably great Border Patrol is on the job 24/7 keeping our citizens safe from some very bad people. 

A National Park Service (NPS) spokesperson, who begged to remain anonymous, spoke to the statue's history: "Ordinary people, from American suffragists in the 1800s and 1900s to Chinese students in the 1980s, have raised up the Statue's likeness to call for greater equality, an end to injustice, and more enlightened societies.”

The controversy surrounding the iconic symbol comes at a time when the U.S. government has been criticized at home and abroad for abandoning those commitments and becoming a fascist state - cracking down on immigration, human rights, freedom of speech and eliminating the rule of law.

In other (related) news, President Trump issued his 98th executive order declaring a 50 percent tariff on French Fries. 

END

THE NOT SO FINE PRINT: This post is SATIRE! Aside from a few words that were changed or added, people actually said nearly everything quoted in this post. Much of the long quote attributed to the President Trump He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named really came out of his mouth, with only minor changes, and came from his recent, long and bizarre, ramble at the Department of Justice on March 15th. The references below were heavily plagiarized in the making of this satire.

REFERENCES:

From France comes a call for Trump’s America to return Lady Liberty. Here’s why it won’t happen; https://apnews.com/article/france-trump-statue-of-liberty-glucksmann-248cbd501c7b66d7b37988bf6abdacf8

French official knocks ‘shameful’ Trump administration after Statue of Liberty remarks; https://thehill.com/policy/international/5201350-raphael-glucksmann-france-trump-statue-of-liberty/

Does the U.S. deserve the Statue of Liberty? Not anymore, one French politician says; https://www.npr.org/2025/03/18/nx-s1-5332084/statue-of-liberty-france-return

Transcript of President Trump Remarks at the Department of Justice; https://singjupost.com/transcript-of-president-trump-remarks-at-the-department-of-justice/

Nixon's Letter to Elon Musk

Editor's Disclaimer: This satire originally appeared on The Borowitz Report, and was republished by Robert Reich at https://robertreich.substack.com/p/nixons-letter-to-elon-musk. In light of the existential danger facing our country thanks to a few fascist pigs running amok, we figured we just had to republish it too. Of course, we didn't ask Andy for permission. 

Since his death in 1994, Richard Nixon has refrained from public comments. Today, however, he has broken his silence in a letter from Hell.

Mr. Nixon offered The Borowitz Report the exclusive right to publish his letter on one condition: that his expletives not be deleted.

Dear Elon,

One thing people don’t realize about life down here is that Satan has CNN playing around the clock. It’s his way of ratcheting eternal torment up a notch. After a while, the spectacle of Wolf Blitzer claiming that something you’ve already heard nineteen times is “BREAKING NEWS” makes the white-hot flames incinerating your body seem like a spa treatment.

So it should come as no surprise that I caught your Inauguration Day speech in all its fascistic glory. And let me say this: that was some fucked up shit.

I realize that you didn’t exactly grow up in the cradle of civil rights, but even by South African standards, that “straight-arm gesture,” as the mainstream media politely called it, seemed a tad extreme.

Don’t get me wrong: back in the day, no one was more racist than Dick Nixon. But I tried to be subtle about it. I said, “I’ve got a Southern Strategy.” I didn’t say, “Hey, let’s suck off the voters who want to bring back slavery.”

If I’d ever fired off two Nazi salutes like you did, those bastards at the Washington Post would have had my head on a stick. (Excuse the dated reference—there used to be a newspaper called the Washington Post.)

And let me make one thing perfectly clear: I’ve got no beef with Germans. When I was president, the White House was crawling with them. Haldeman, Ehrlichman, Kissinger—my Cabinet sounded like the cast of a Wagner opera. Still, those Teutonic fruitcakes somehow managed to get through a public appearance without turning it into the Nuremberg Rally.

I know what you’re thinking: of course Kissinger would never march around like an S.S. officer, because he was Jewish. Well, so is that sweaty weasel Stephen Miller, and that fucker seems to have gone straight from his bar mitzvah to the Hitler Youth.

Which raises another question: who the fuck is making the personnel decisions over there? I mean, no one despised Bobby Kennedy more than I did, but that commie never drove around with a whale’s head on his Volvo like his idiot spawn did.

But let’s get back to you.

You’ve probably deluded yourself into thinking you’re the Second Coming of another Nazi who liked to fire off rockets: Wernher von Braun. Well, I knew Wehrner, and, believe you me, that sneaky Kraut did everything in his power to hidethe fact that he was a Nazi. When people at NASA asked him what he did during the war, he’d say he wrangled heifers at a dude ranch in Montana.

Think I’m being too hard on you? Look, if all you were doing was planning Martian colonies and enjoying the occasional goose step, I’d leave you be. But that jagoff Jake Tapper just informed me that you’ve got a ragtag team of amateurs in DC breaking into places they don’t belong. Why does that sound so familiar to me?

Mark my words, fuckface: this won’t end well. I’ll keep a place warm for you down here. Very warm.

Yours,

Dick

Uncle Sam says "So long suckers; I Quit!"

WASHINGTON (The Loose Nukes) – In the greatest White House personnel shakeup in history, Uncle Sam gave notice that he is retiring. 

Sam, who has been on the job since 1813, said he has finally had enough: “I'm tired of being the spokesperson for a warmongering, racist, oil-hungry empire over far too many administrations, both Democrat and Republican. And worse yet, this new guy moving into The White House is the worse kind of racist, misogynistic grifter who is bringing a whole cadre of jackboot-licking cronies along with him. This level of Fascism makes Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini look like amateurs. I'm so done with this!”

In an unprecedented and surprise appearance before a shocked White House Press Corps this morning, Sam appeared visibly shaken by recent events. He ranted for ten minutes about what has happened to our country and “what a damn mess politicians have made of it.”  

He also referred to the election of Trump as "the last straw." He was already considering retiring after the Biden administration's unending “immoral aiding and abetting of the Israeli government's genocide on the Palestinian people.” For Sam, the “Congress has become a complete [bad] joke; both Democrats and Republicans... they've given recent presidents a blank check for endless wars.” 

“I really thought I was doing right by the American people over the past 200-plus years, but I can see clearly now that I have been used time and time again as a pawn for these low-lifes who have insidiously taken over our nation on behalf of the greedy Wall Street elites, and now the Silicon Valley tech billionaires. While We The People have been sold a bill of goods about outside threats like communism and terrorists, our country has been taken over by a bunch of greedy racist warmongers who are getting rich off the sweat of hardworking American taxpayers who keep the war machine running full speed ahead. And that's just so wrong.”

Sam began to cry when asked about his iconic “I WANT YOU” posters that have been responsible for countless young Americans joining the military and, “after being sent to fight the rich man's wars, return home damaged both physically and mentally, if not killed in the name of freedom. It's really all about the freedom of rich, greedy corporate profiteers to make a killing, both literally and figuratively.” After regaining his composure he said, “I sincerely regret luring so many of our young people to fight in U.S. wars of aggression.”

“Retired Marine Corps General Smedley Butler got it right when he said that 'War Is A Racket.' And it certainly is a profitable one for the Military-Industrial Complex. Damn, I wish I had listened to Eisenhower back in the day. We could have saved so many young people from needless death and suffering, not to mention the carnage, unstable and fascist governments, and ill-will we've helped create in other countries.”

Sam reflected on all the wasted money that should be spent on education, health care, the nation's crumbling infrastructure, sustainable energy, and so much more. “Let's face it; this is what a failing empire does... squanders its treasure, both human and financial, on senseless foreign adventures and the greedy desires of Wall Street, while neglecting the needs of the working people.” 

When asked where he is going upon his retirement, sam replied, “Where the hell can you go. No place is out of reach of U.S. military power or its nuclear weapons, with roughly 750 US foreign military bases spread across 80 nations! I'm thinking of cashing out my savings bonds and buying a time-share in an RV park doomsday shelter. That seems like the best investment these days."

Sam spoke of how he was recently diagnosed with PTSD:  I'm going to get some well-deserved psychotherapy to work through all this. We're talking over 200 years of cumulative trauma; where do I even begin? I figure I had better do it now while I still have Medicare coverage. Who knows if it, or any other government program serving the people, will survive four years of Trump.”

Reflecting on the work ahead, Uncle Sam said, "Once I'm feeling more myself I plan to head out on the open road, joining in with every demonstration for peace and justice. After all, I've created quite a brand, and it's high time I use it to do some real good for the people of the United States, especially the young people whose future we are currently selling down the river in the greatest betrayal of all time. I'm certainly not just going to go play golf with whatever time I have left!"

Before leaving the podium, Sam said he would not be taking any further questions, but admonished the members of the press for "pandering to those in power" saying, "The late broadcast journalist Walter Cronkite once said, 'We are not educated well enough to perform the necessary act of intelligently selecting our leaders.' You members of the press have a solemn duty to tell the people what they need to know rather than what they want to know in a so-called free society. It's time that each of you earn the title of journalist! That's all folks."