NSA Fall Festival: Mark your calendars!

Hey Everyone!  Mark your calendars (see the poster below) well in advance to join us at the National Security Agency (NSA) headquarters for the annual NSA Fall Festival.  It's a great opportunity for everyday people just like you and me to get up close and (not quite too) personal with the NSA.

Of course, you won't learn anything about how the NSA really works; heck, that's an extremely closely guarded secret... well, sort of (no thanks to that Ed Snowden guy).  But hey; it's a time to have fun, and all at great taxpayer expense.  After all; you the taxpayers are paying through the nose so that we can continue our unabated, endless spying on just about everyone on the planet. So what's a little more $$$ on some good, old-fashioned fun.

This is one for the entire family, even the family dog.  In fact, there will be a special booth where NSA employees will embed your family pooch with a free teeny weeny microchip that will allow the NSA to listen in on your family's activities with even greater ease than we do now. The chip also helps you keep track of your pet's wanderings.

There will be plenty of parking, so there is no need for carpooling.  In fact, we advise against it. NSA employees, or more likely private contractors, will be placing secret monitoring/tracking devices on every automobile at the Fall Festival.

An additional free bonus for everyone who attends will be an automatic retinal scan as you enter the Festival area.  It's just one more reason we're building a brand new huge data storage facility in Utah that can actually store yottabytes of data.  Geez!!! Even most folks at the NSA have a hard time fathoming such large numbers.

And kids; you will have the opportunity to learn more about an exciting and profitable (if you choose to work for one of the scores of private contractors doing security work for our nation) career in mass surveillance the protection of our global interests nation.

Tell your family, friends and co-workers. Everyone's welcome to this event.  Check the NSA Website for more details. See you in September!

NSA - Defending Our Nation: Securing The Future

NSA Eavesdropping on GOD!!!

The National Security Agency is denying a report that it eavesdropped on the Pope, in addition to telephone prayer lines of a number of other religious denominations.

Before the Italian magazine, Panorama, published the report, it issued a press release that read "NSA had tapped the pope,"according to Reuters. The eavesdropping was on calls from inside and outside the Vatican and reportedly spanned a few weeks from December 10, 2012 to January 8, 2013. Additional calls to prayer lines of various denominations were also reportedly tapped.

"The National Security Agency does not target the Vatican or God."

- NSA spokeswoman

The calls were reportedly categorized in five groups: leadership intentions, threats to the financial system, foreign policy objectives, human rights and conversations with God. The magazine did not cite any sources in its report.

In addition to the eavesdropping on the Vatican, the NSA is alleged to have tapped the phone lines of various prayer lines to obtain information on people's conversations with God.

One of the largest prayer line operations is the 700 Club Prayer Centers, which receives over four million calls each year and provides a direct connection to God.  700 Club's Pat Robertson was disturbed by the spying revelations, and voiced his concern that the government is "disturbing the separation of church and state."

Pat Robertson

An NSA spokeswoman, denied the report, including the allegations of spying on God.

"The National Security Agency does not target the Vatican or God", she said in an email to The Los Angeles Times. "Assertions that NSA has targeted the Vatican, published in Italy's Panorama magazine, are not true."

The NSA’s post-Sept. 11 surveillance programs are coming under increased criticism at home and abroad, capped by recent revelations that the NSA monitored German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cellphone and those of up to 34 other world leaders. Those reports relied on documents provided by former NSA analyst Edward Snowden.

Documents released by Snowden have not yet produced any revelations of the NSA's spying on God, but according to some sources there are many yet to be released.

Congressional leaders who have been staunch supporters of the NSA programs are now saying it is time for a close examination. Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, said, "We live in a Christian nation.  God has Constitutional rights too you know. Enough is enough with this out of control wiretapping."

GOD

Sarah Palin, who has been crisscrossing the country touting her new book about the "war on Christmas", said that she was shocked, but not surprised, about the NSA's spying on God.  "Next thing you know they'll be spying on Santa Claus.  We need to put good old Christian values like prayer and Christmas trees back into our government," said Palin.

The White House said Tuesday that President Barack Obama had ordered a full review of the programs and was considering changes.

National Intelligence Director James Clapper defended the secret surveillance that sweeps up phone records and emails of millions of Americans as vital to protecting against terrorists. Clapper had no comment on God.

God had no comment on Clapper, or the wiretapping issue.

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Editor's Note:  OK, so some of this is true and some is not.  What difference does it make???

National Security or National Stupidity???

Whaddya mean, lost my sense of humor???
I just want these crooks to give
my damn country back!!!

Here's the latest from the National Security State continues to run amok department!!! It's a story of people (and agencies of the Federal Government) that have totally lost their sense of humor (assuming they ever had one), and therefore have to make everyone else's life as miserable as theirs.  I think it's safe to say that the Republic is in extreme danger when Uncle Sam loses his sense of humor.  Humorists beware; the re-education camps beckon!!!  This is one slippery slope - today some small-time t-shirt shop; tomorrow The Onion!!!

But really folks... the American Empire has been in decline since the end of World War II, and yet continues to hold on even as its share of the world continues to dwindle.  And so we see the desperate measures being taken at all levels to maintain the illusion of power.  Yes, the following story is very real... from Edward Snowden to parody of NSA and Homeland Stupidity Security - CITIZENS BEWARE!!! Big Brother is watching EVERYTHING and then some.  Ain't it grand???

And don't forget that the holiday shopping season is just around the corner.  Get a head start and order Disappearing Civil Liberties Mugs for everyone on your list this year.  It's one-stop shopping that will remind everyone of those precious freedoms that are being flushed down the drain with your hard-earned tax dollars.  So here's the news:

U.S. Bullies Man over “Department of Homeland Stupidity” Mugs

Published in the Corruption Chronicles, the Judicial Watch Blog

October 31, 2013

The feds have threatened to criminally prosecute a novelty store owner who sells products—such as “Department of Homeland Stupidity” coffee mugs—making fun of the U.S. government. Could this be a matter of national security, or that Uncle Sam simply lacks a sense of humor?

To poke fun at the National Security Administration (NSA) the merchant, Dan McCall, sells T-shirts with the agency’s official seal that read: “The NSA: The only part of government that actually listens.” Other parodies say “spying on you since 1952” and “peeping while you’re sleeping.” The designs may seem funny—and possibly represent reality—but to the government it’s no laughing matter. In fact, it’s a serious issue worthy of an investigation and legal action.

The NSA and the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) quickly fired off “cease and desist” letters to the website that sold the products, threatening litigation and criminal prosecution if the parody designs weren’t immediately removed. The agencies claim the parody images violate laws against the misuse, mutilation, alteration or impersonation of government seals. The intimidating communication scared the website enough to remove the items, but McCall isn’t going down without a fight.

In a federal complaint filed this week he claims the government is violating his First Amendment right because the special statutes protecting the NSA and DHS seals from misuse can’t properly be applied to forbid parodies. McCall says his images make fair use of the NSA and DHS seals to “identify federal government agencies as the subject of criticism.” Therefore it’s unconstitutional for the government to forbid him from displaying and selling his parodies to “customers who want to display the items to express their own criticism of NSA and DHS,” according to his complaint.

Furthermore, McCall is not mutilating or altering the agency seals, but rather using them in a parodic form that doesn’t create any likelihood of confusion about the source or sponsorship of the material. No reasonable viewer is likely to believe that any of the materials is affiliated with or sponsored by the DHS or the NSA, the complaint says. “Nor were the seals affixed to the items to be sold with any fraudulent intent.”

In short, the merchant claims that the First Amendment protects his use of the NSA and DHS seals to identify truthfully the agencies that he is criticizing. The two agencies at the center of this brouhaha most certainly have bigger fish to fry. So does the Department of Justice (DOJ), the agency that has threatened to prosecute the mug and T-shirt creator.

The NSA Comes Clean... at last!!!

Hey Kids!!! The NSA finally comes clean on all this electronic eavesdropping stuff, and guess what??? It's all been for our own good!!!  Aren't you relieved???

Thanks to Tom Tomorrow for clearing this all up for us.

Civil Liberties??? Hah!!!

The NSA values your privacy! Really!!!

The surveillance experts at the National Security Agency won’t tell two powerful United States Senators how many Americans have had their communications picked up by the agency as part of its sweeping new counter terrorism powers. The reason: it would violate your privacy to say so.

That claim comes in a short letter sent Monday to civil libertarian Senators Ron Wyden and Mark Udall. The two members of the Senate’s intelligence oversight committee asked the NSA a simple question last month: under the broad powers granted in 2008′s expansion of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, how many persons inside the United States have been spied upon by the NSA?

Well, DUH!!!

Obviously the senator's staffers have been asleep at the wheel.  Had they been reading Wired magazine they would have been able to tell the senators everything they need to know about how the NSA is building a MASSIVE spy center large enough to store every word phoned, texted, emailed, tweeted or otherwise communicated over the airwaves or phone/cable lines for the next millennium.

Don't ya miss the days when they did things the old fashioned way???

Of course, the geniuses at the NSA (despite all their fancy algorithms to capture certain words and phrases that might remotely indicate a sinister, terrorist plot) will, at some point, throw up their hands and ask, "Why the Hell did we waste a few trillion dollars for all this worthless information."

That being said, we can all rest a little easier knowing that they won't be violating our privacy while sucking all our phone calls, emails, tweets and picture messages into the Bluffdale Black Hole.  I'm going to sleep much better tonight.

A $2 Billion Black Hole. But don't worry, we're not violating your privacy!

The Utah Data Center will cost $2 Billion (or more) to build, an estimated $40 Million annually just for electricity and, I would venture, hundreds of millions in salaries, maintenance, various and sundry other costs.  At least they won't be spending much at the office supply store (no paper)!

And for your information senators, you can be pretty damn sure that everyone inside and probably a pretty good number of folks outside the United States have been spied upon by the NSA.  In fact, this post should get picked up just as soon as I click "Publish."  So NSA; stick that in your $2 Billion data center.

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Note: Paragraphs in italics are from Wired.com, The NSA Is Building the Country’s Biggest Spy Center (Watch What You Say), March 15, 2012