We introduced the Armageddon 2000 way back when President Trump was about to take office, and since then sales have gone through the roof. There is a one-year waiting period to get one (humanity should last that long)! And you can bet that all those people on the waiting list are getting nervous as Trump's days in office seem to go on forever and his Tweets keep pushing the world closer to the coming Trumpocalypse.
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| Armageddon 2000 inventor Dave Patterson with the new and improved version at an undisclosed location during recent performance tests. Note the glow emitted by the plasma generator when engaged. |
This amazing new feature is the Ionized Radiation Plasma Deflection Generator (IRPDG). The IRPDG drives all ionizing radiation away from the Armageddon 2000 while engaged. That means you can pull out the lawn chairs and have a barbecue without worrying about your hair falling out (and a slew of other unpleasant symptoms of radiation exposure) on those ribs (or vegan barbecue option).
The plasma generator performed admirably during recent performance tests, and the manufacturer guarantees that it will perform at or beyond specifications during the real thing.
Consider buying an Armageddon 2000 with the new Ionized Radiation Plasma Deflection Generator feature, or have yours retrofitted! Appointments are available, and it takes just a few hours to install.
And be sure to check out the other new features and options of the soon-to-be-released 2018 Armageddon 2000, including extra large refrigerator and bluetooth capability. All electronics on the 2018 model have been modified with vacuum tubes, old-school technology proven to minimize the effects of nuclear electromagnetic pulse (EMP).
The Armageddon 2000 - a heck of a lot better than hiding under a school desk (and a whole lot more fun).